Snazy

My own fault really for doing lots of hours at work, but at the same time I am actually enjoying getting the extra hours in and gaining more experience at the same time as earning extra money. So to a degree it's a good balance.

On the flip side of course I am reaching the point now of feeling like I have reached my limit for a bit. Just like before we flew to the USA, I have done a bunch of hours for the past couple of months, but now I have some time off coming up again. So I am almost at the finish line... Just this shift to finish.

After working last night I went home this morning, I did the washing, hung it out, had an hours nap and went out on the bike. After getting home this afternoon I took it easy, had some lunch and then came into work. Having not slept too well last night on sleep break I am flagging a bit now.

Not long now though, almost time for the sleep break and hopefully I am tired enough to just drop straight off. Pleeeeeease!! Then I am off for  8 days, in which time I have a couple of medical appointments, my new bike gets delivered and hopefully I get a couple of rides in.  I will also be trying to rest my foot where possible. Although I am seeing the physio next week.

Right, I suppose I better get the last stint done before hopefully getting some sleep.

Its been a  good run, but lately I seem to be falling apart a little bit. Running going well, cycling not so much, but general health stats are finally blooming a bit. Unfortunately I seem to have picked up a bit of an injury. I can't remember at what point it appeared but I know it has been a couple of months at least now. Quite frankly it is driving me mad. It is almost like my heel is bruised.

It starts higher up the leg in my hamstrings, which have been tight since I got back to running regularly. They have always been an issue, and I think it stems from shortening from lots of cycling and not enough stretching. So I kinda have myself to blame. From the hamstrings it seems to then reappear as a tight calf muscle too, which in turn pulls the achilles tight, onto the heel and plantar facia. And that is where it ends.

The end result is a very sore heel, which is rather painful to walk on, let alone running on it. Strangely it seems that once things get moving it eases a little, so with that in mind I have managed to get a few good runs in of late, however I am mindful that I might be doing myself more damage. Stop start walking seems to be the worst, as the whole acute tenderness starts all over again.

The past week it seems to have been getting a little worse, with the bruised feeling remaining all the time, and it being tender to the touch, so I contacted the GP on Monday. My next port of call was going to be my private physio, but a call from the doctors surgery today put that on hold. The GP has arranged for me to see their physio as an initial contact, which makes sense to me.

Hopefully it is something silly and a little rest and some exercises will resolve it. In the meantime I have decided to take a week off running (any excuse), and to try and rest it where I can. My biggest concern is that I will have to ease up on everything for an extended period, which would quite frankly make me miserable. The knock on effect of which would be a decline in my mental health as is always the case. Yes, of course I am being negative, but I think I know myself well enough now. 

Having lost a lot of weight, and found myself a nice routine, the last thing I want to do is put any of that in jeopardy, so whatever the physio tells me to do, I will do it. Painkillers do nothing, ibuprofen gel has no effect, and ice / heat changed nothing. It genuinely feels like a really bruised heel but there is no sign of any discolouration, not even between the tattoos lol.

The answer... In the meantime, ride bikes! Obviously that is always the answer, and cycling is something I have neglected this past year for a multitude of reasons. From the start of the year with surgery, to a miserable spring, busy putting in the shifts on overtime during summer and of course going on holiday. The result a pathetic 1,400 miles ridden this year. How do I resolve this, and get my interest back.

Buy a new bike of course. It is already ordered and awaiting delivery. My pledge to myself is to ride a mile per pound spent on the new bike by the end of a year from delivery. To say that is a LOT more miles than I have done this year is an understatement. But it is a healthy goal all the same and the sort of motivation I need right now.

Fingers crossed by this time next week I will have seen the physio and have a better idea of what is going on. And will NOT have been told to rest and elevate my foot, as that would be so dull!

Til then, positive mental attitude all the way, and keep my body and mind moving.

00 

And not necessarily in a good way either! With the combination of changes in activity levels, changes in diet in an effort to lose weight, and simply getting older, my once large muscle mass is slowly disappearing. Many years ago I would be very active, working out or doing physical work. But as the years have gone on and my roles have changed I find my body is changing too. 

For years I worked out, lifting heavy, determined to have huge biceps. The legs came naturally, so I just had to focus on the top half. And to be fair I did pretty well, all natural too. However the downside was that clothing was always a tight fit, great around the waist, silly tight on thighs and calves. Same for the top half, fine on the body but impossible to get sleeves to fit. So in one respect it is a relief to be able to fit into "normal clothing".

That said, I am very aware of the change my body is going through, and aware that age is starting to play its part too, much to my dissatisfaction. For years I proudly boasted 28" thighs. As time went on and I changed my activities and did more running they shrunk down a little to 25-26". Today after slipping some bib shorts on for my first indoor ride in months, I noticed they fitted much easier than usual.  Measuring up I was alarmed that they were now a measly 23.5" !

Now I know this is quite large to some, but I only know my own norms. My arms started shrinking years ago, around the same time my waist started getting bigger actually haha. Maybe it is all just falling inside of me? I doubt that. 
On the flip side to all that, my health in general has improved no end, resting heart rate low, rarely ill, and mental health better than it has been for decades, so I guess it is not all bad eh. 

I think my main focus here is to get control of it all, understand what is happening to me, and make sure I am the strongest and fittest version of myself I can be. I have said before, when I look around at the people and generation I grew up with, I am in a pretty good place. But having spent my entire adult life heavy set, lots of muscle mass etc, it feels strange to now be shrinking away like this. 

Thankfully I am seeing a wellness coach at my GP surgery, and speaking with my GP on quite a regular basis to monitor my uric acid levels, so I have bloods done from time to time, and discuss the results with the doctor. At the same time I am able to discuss my concerns and get advice on what I should be doing. Having seen the hype around testosterone levels etc I asked if it was something I should look at. The answer was a straight no!

While all this is going on, I do think I have taken my eye off the ball with cycling. That alone could be contributing towards the shrinkage of my thighs, so I am keen to get back on the bike even if it is mainly indoors, and put in some work again. I did today and it felt great, but it would be nice to do some outdoor miles before the weather takes a turn for the worst. If I am not riding outdoors by autumn and the cooler weather I won't ride outdoors for the whole winter. That would feel like I have missed the whole of 2025 for cycling! 

I know I have said this again and again, but I vow to focus more on my physical wellbeing, especially now my mental health is in such a good place. It only takes one big downturn in my health to throw the whole lot out the window again, so I need to be mindful of that.

Right, I am off to draw up a plan to get my riding back on track. And if I have a good autumn winter, I will buy myself a new bike for 2026 spring summer . How is that for an incentive!

It is crazy to think that it has been a whole year since I first walked in through the door, got a security pass, and became a member of this organisation. 12 weeks of full on training, a large dose of self doubt, and a huge departure to the work lifestyle I was used to. And here I am now, one year on. So how has it been?

Well I suppose if you read a lot of these entries you will be familiar with some of the ups and downs along the way, but I guess the thing you really want to know is how am I feeling right now. 

The answer is a simple one, amazing! To think at the start of 2024 I found out I was losing my job, and immediately set about trying to decide what my next job would be. Could I find something that would see me through the rest of my working life, and most importantly, could I find a job I loved, that paid well, and made me feel like I was making a difference. The answers are in, and they read, yes, yes and yes !

I love my job, I enjoy coming to work every shift, happily do overtime as I work with some amazing people, and I have to say the pay isn't too shabby either. Working shifts has never really bothered me, and the working pattern of the shifts is more than doable. Although I have to admit, add a little overtime in there, and it gets a little bit more hectic, but still absolutely doable.

Current work pattern is day, day, night, off, off, off. However there are some nuances. For example if you start a tour on Monday, you would work Mon Day,  Tues Day, Wed Night (finishing Thurs morning), then be off Thurs, Fri, Sat and start the next tour on Sunday. So some say the day coming off the night isn't really a day off. I however find it a perfectly good day off and use it as an admin day. Take it a bit easier , do a little shopping, gardening etc, and its a perfectly good day off. 

That takes a bit of a twist if you then decide to do overtime at the end of the tour. I tend to work with the next watch on the following night shift, which shortens the rest breaks between tours, but as long as it's not all the time, it is absolutely fine. I am a bit of a rebel and have decided to do some extra overtime for a bit, just to test the water, find my limits and work out my preferences of what shifts are better off doing. So I am in a bit of an experimental period right now, but still happy as Larry.

As I speak, the closing date for the next round of trainees is closing in, and I can't recommend the job enough. If you can keep your cool, work in an ever changing environment, like helping people, and want to feel a sense of pride in helping people, this is the job for you. I am finally pretty confident in what I am doing, ask a lot less questions but am not afraid to if I need to. Hold my hands up if I make a mistake, and enjoy learning and helping others learn. No one ever knows everything, and the more I settle in, the more apparent that becomes. We are all just human beings.

Of course nothing is perfect, and there are irritations and clashes, but they are of the mildest kind, and really nothing in comparison with what I was used to at the last place. But again we are all only human, and can't all get along like besties everyday.

A year ago I really didn't see myself feeling the way I do now. The idea that I would actually enjoy coming to work seemed alien to me a year ago. But now, I actually enjoy coming to work, having a chat, being around lots of other people, and communicating. Who am I?

But it is a good thing, it would be nice to progress within the role, but it is not top of my list of things to do right now. Most important is improving at my current role, being the best version mg myself, rather than trying to run before I can walk properly. In the meantime I shall enjoy the fruits of my labour, keep paying my huge bills off (teeth and all that) and start enjoying life as much as I can.

Fresh back from two weeks in Florida where I was able to unwind, celebrate my wedding AND employment anniversaries, and come back to work fresh and ready to go, which I did with a huge smile on my face. Obviously I have had to come back and immediately start doing overtime to start to pay the credit cards off lol. 

Right, I am going to rest my brain before the next call....

It's the wee small hours and I have been meaning for ages to write something here for ages, but keep missing the opportunity, so here goes nothing. Hopefully some of the things I meant to say come up while I am typing, but I am making no guarantees, so this could be a boring one. (aren't they all!)

Over recent weeks I have been off work sick with Covid. It is somewhat frowned upon to knowingly spread germs in the workplace, as you could literally cause a massive snowball effect with sickness, and that is something no-one wants. Besides, I would quickly fall out of favour if I were to make other people ill I am sure. Sadly the sickness knocked my training progress a little, so I am finally getting back on track with it all now. Some might say "steady progress being made" IYKYK

Speaking of work, all of a sudden I have started to feel a lot more confident. I know I have touched on it before, saying how sometimes jumping in is a little bit daunting. However I am pleased to say I am feeling that less and less now. I think part of it is not being the new kid anymore. There have been further intakes since I started with my cohort, and of course it has been an age since I started training now. I will come back to that in a bit.  It definitely feels nice to be confident enough to help others, challenge things, and just have a general sense of knowing what the heck I am doing. 

Out of work, I have pivoted my focus a bit. I had a poor start to the year with cycling, and as we slipped into the summer I noticed I have not done as much as previous years. I am not beating myself up about that, and know there are various reasons for it. So unlike years gone by I am not frantically trying to make up for lost time, and cycle every day. Instead I have decided to focus a little more on running. With the time I have available, and the need to find a healthy balance of exercise and rest, running fits the bill a little better.

Add to the list, the physical benefit of running and the slight weight loss that comes with it, and we are onto a winner. Once again a level headed approach, I am not as fast as I used to be, and have no interest on setting new PBs. Instead, time, distance and fitness levels are my goal, and I feel a lot better for it. Of course there is always a little twist, and in this case it is Garmin. My Epix watch is my driver, and along with the app it sets me a plan to adhere to. Of course if I am not feeling up to it I simply rest. But it is a sort of quiet accountability for me.

We will see how the fitness is going in a few hours, as straight after work I have a "Health and Wellbeing" appointment at my GP's. Straight off a long run of shifts at work, somewhat exhausted and fatigued, if they check any of my vitals I might read as a bit of a disaster. But the plan is for them to give me some pointers for my nutrition and general day to day wellbeing, especially as I further mature in years. This is something that was planned at my last doctors consultation a month or so back.

In general my health I think has been good. Weight loss is gradual but consistent now, even little binge moments don't cause sudden weight gain. On the downside, muscle loss is evident, and mobility is starting to drop off a little, so that is something I am keen to do something about. However I am not going to rush into something unsustainable. Maybe after this appointment I can take a look at where I can fit some strength training and flexibility in also. Yoga or similar would probably be the right decision, but I have constantly tried to get back into it and failed over recent years.

Scheduling is my main hurdle at the moment. I have been working a bit of overtime lately, so getting rest days in, and making sure I recharge a little has been important. I am proud  of myself for actually moderating myself, and not burning out by trying to do too much. Finding a little peace in my mind, and being able to do less and still feel better for it has been a real breakthrough for me. The overtime has strangely also been an integral part of my growth too. Working with other watches, getting to know other people a little better, and learning to fit into other close knit groups has given a little boost to my confidence too. 

I think part of it is a sense of freedom, a certain streak of confidence to perform to my own level regardless of who I am working with. It has showcased that I am competent, and able to do the role, and not stick out like a sore thumb as the newbie that doesn't have a clue. I am actually NOT that person. My god I have grown in the space of a year.

Speaking of a year... IT'S BEEN A YEAR!! (almost) since I first walked in this place to start my training. Wide eyed and terrified of what to expect. In that time I have really become the person I have always aspired to be. Level headed, dedicated and someone who makes a difference to others every time I work. Regardless of the role I carry out on any given shift, I know that my actions make a difference to someone elses day. So I take huge pride in doing that. And can I just take a moment to say how proud of myself I am. I should say it more, but holy cow I am proud of what I have achieved in the space of a year. So much personal growth and development, it is on a scale I never imagined. 

Of course I am still the same introvert shy guy from time to time, but I save my energy and use it wisely. Amazingly, even with doing lots of overtime, doing this role doesn't exhaust me mentally, just a little bit physically haha. But it is all worth it. Not only am I making new bonds, breaking new ground, and stretching my horizons, I am also earning extra pocket money, which means getting my dental bill paid off a little quicker. The difference a year can make eh!

Right, I feel I have gotten a lot of my chest here, so will call it a day while things are still at least a little coherent still. Thanks for reading, and more to follow soon I am sure. I finally have two days off back to back coming up and I can't wait. I say two days, more like one and a half, but I will take it. 

A phrase used too much these days when we lose contact with people for an extended period of time, and then get back in touch.

By extended period of time, I mean relative to the usual level of communication you usually have with someone. If you usually speak every day or so, maybe it's a week. A less frequent contact, maybe months or even a year or so.

But I just wanted to take a moment to say, "hey, how you doing. I hope all is well with you. Maybe we can catch up some time. I'm always here."

It's so easy to lose touch with someone, in our busy lives with so many connections, people can fall off the radar for a bit before you realise. And by that time it feels awkward to suddenly pop up and say hi.

Personally, I don't mind, it can be a year for all I care, it is always good to catch up with old acquaintances. For others, they take offence that they have not been contacted and get shirty about it. Me, if I liked you, and we didn't fall out, all is well.

I have been kinda crazy busy the past 8 months or so, and am aware I have dropped the ball a bit with some people. So I want to make that right, and remind people regardless of what's going on, if you need me, I will do everything I can to be there for you. It's never a fuss. Although sometimes it takes a bit to get back depending on what's going on in life.

So.... Hey, how you doing? Let's catch up.

What will it be? What will it bring? Will I be ready for it!!

The thing about this job is never knowing what will come next. Call after call is a crazy mixture of the run of the mill call the the completely out there life changing incident. At any time of day, on any day of the week, the next call could be something you have never heard before. I was going to say "and are not ready for" but that would not be true. I like to think that I am ready to deal with anything thrown my way, I just don't know it yet.

A lot of the time most calls are something you have heard before, standard automated things, routine procedures, and day to day emergencies. But a few times a shift at least there will be a curve-ball. Something that makes you think for a minute and do a little bit of problem solving on the fly. Trying to decide what needs to happen to make the situation as good as you can.

Every outcome is not perfect, some are quite sad, but speaking to a colleague the other day I realised my old personality trait of separation has returned, and I am able to distance myself from most situations, which allows me to think clearer, and be ready for the next challenge. 

Now that you have read that, I want to add a caveat.... Sometimes, something will catch you off guard. And it comes in one of two forms.

The first is as expected, hearing something you have never heard before, and taking a moment to work out what to do with that information, and what is needed from you in the moment. For anyone who knows the role will know what I mean. It's not a deer in the headlights moment. It's not a matter of not knowing what you are doing, just about taking a moment to do some critical thinking, and work out a plan (in 20-30 seconds).

Imagine for a moment you have a really well equipped tool box, every tool you could imagine, and you have an unexpected DIY job to do at home. You take a moment to size the job up, and instead of grabbing the biggest most powerful tool you have, you work out the right tool for the job, and no more. That is basically what is happening here too. You don't use a sledge hammer to drive a nail in, and the back of a spoon won't do the trick. There is a fine balance.

The other scenario is from a mental perspective. You know some days you wake up and just can't! The phrase "I can't adult today" springs to mind. Obviously this is something you need to snap out of before sitting down for work, but it weighs on you a little. A little doubt creeps in from time to time and leaves you wondering if you can manage with the next call. Now don't worry, this isn't something that actually has any effect on doing the job. Rather a little sprinkling of imposter syndrome creeping in for a minute, and questioning if you can do this. 

The answer is simple. Of course I can! I am getting the feeling less and less these days, and even when I do it is only a momentary thing. Once again, just like my doubts and challenges of days gone by, writing here enables me to read back and see what I have done, where I have come from and what I am actually capable of. So in those moments rather than looking to others for reassurances, I am able to calm myself, and get back in the game.

Now just before anyone says I am being over confident or cocky about things, I just want to add that I don't think I are ready for anything. I would like to think that even if it were to be something really hard to deal with, I have just enough experience, and a of support around me to work my way through it all the same. This is the same for each and every one of us here. We are a team.

I have worked in teams before, but I can say hand on heart I have never worked in a team like this one. Of course nothing is perfect, but in the moment somehow everything falls into place and the hive mind jumps into action, with each moving part doing just what it needs to in the moment. If you hear a high powered  car idling, it sounds rough and broken, but in the moment, smash the pedal to the floor, and we are away. Up to speed in a flash and ready to perform. 

The sense of belonging brings me back each shift of every tour, and the sense of making a difference drives me to do my best, while learning more and more every contact of every day. I know it sounds corny, and a little cringe, but its true. 52 years on the planet, 37 of them doing a job of some sort, and finally this feels right. It is a bonus that I get paid quite well for doing something I enjoy doing so much. I have always said the perfect job feels like a paid hobby. And while this is not QUITE the case, it is the closest I have ever been, and I don't expect to get any closer than this. 

So, the next time I get that question in my head, having any doubt whatsoever if I am ready for the next call, I will bring myself back here, and have a read back. And remind myself of the thought process I went through to write this entry. Given all my experiences and interventions in life, I can honestly say, just like Craig David, I was "Born to do it"

As ever thank you for reading this, and I hope it makes sense to some people at least.