Now there is a question I never saw myself asking!
I have been off work with a mix of annual leave and sickness for a few weeks now, and I have noticed a change in my sleep. Not saying I have ever been a great sleeper, but with the mental load of work, I have definitely improved over recent times.
However with me having not been in work, and instead being left to my own devices for a period of time, my sleep has become unbalanced again. OK part of that is obviously change in routine, and lack of sleep discipline, but is that all it is? I came here to write a bunch of stuff to get to the bottom of it, so join me...
I last worked on June 15th, then had some annual leave. Making the most of the turn in the weather I got stuck into some cycling, something that has not happened for a while now. A good 200 mile week, but on the last day I had slept badly the night before, and felt a bit rough. Turns out I had Covid (flu). Hoping I would shake it before my scheduled return to work, I rested as much as I could, but alas, no joy.
Missing a tour always sucks, but missing the one you are scheduled to work between two periods of annual leaves really sucks. It looks bad, and makes me feel crappy. Not to mention extended my time with a lack of mental stimulation. Unplanned and unwell, means just sitting around doing very little, which is never good for my brain.
As my second period of leave has progressed, I have felt better physically. More able to get back outside and do things, and currently I am focusing on running again as that is where my best gains come from. Besides the heat has been brutal the past week and not ideal for long rides. On the flip side my sleep seems to have gone to pieces. Staying up later and later trying to get tired, waking earlier unrefreshed. I should point out that the past five days have been rather warm, so getting settled has not been easy, even at the best of times.
But as I lay in bed last night, wishing myself to sleep, I was aware of myself thinking. Randomly, just picking a topic and thinking about it for a few mins before moving onto the next one. No rational train of thought, just an unsettled mind trying to find something to process. My normal working week train of thought is all very calculated and organised. Processing work events, working through them and filing them away. Same for personal life. But now..... it's a mess!
So I was left with the question I opened with.. Am I UNDER-thinking things at the moment? Ironically leading myself to over-think anything and everything that comes into my mind? Is my structured thought process a shield or filter from everyday brain noise? Does having a large mental load prevent me from wasting time thinking about random pointless topics? Is that a good thing?
See NOW I am over thinking it, but fear not... I am just spit balling rather than being consumed by all the questions above. Its the process of trying to understand my own mental state, and one I go through quite frequently, I am just putting it out there on this occasion to work through the confusion of the current moment. Although it has just given me a great idea for another entry. "Working through my mental load" (coming soon!).
My take on this all is, my brain is under stimulated, a little bit bored, and definitely twitchy. It needs something with some volume to keen it ticking over, and being sat on the sofa trying to get better does nothing for it. However being at work does, and now I have experienced what it is like to be off, I don't like it. Sure a tour here and there, nine days off, planned with things to do, that is fine. But unexpected, unable to do much, I don't like it... AT ALL!!!
But there is good news on the horizon... Saturday I am back in a day early to cover an exchange shift, so in a few days time, and the rest days that follow, we will soon see if having something to think about and process really does help my restless mind.
Thanks for coming along down this rabbit hole with me, next stop ground level!