An early morning ramble
It’s the wee small hours and I have been meaning for ages to write something here for ages, but keep missing the opportunity, so here goes nothing. Hopefully some of the things I meant to say come up while I am typing, but I am making no guarantees, so this could be a boring one. (aren’t they all!)
Over recent weeks I have been off work sick with Covid. It is somewhat frowned upon to knowingly spread germs in the workplace, as you could literally cause a massive snowball effect with sickness, and that is something no-one wants. Besides, I would quickly fall out of favour if I were to make other people ill I am sure. Sadly the sickness knocked my training progress a little, so I am finally getting back on track with it all now. Some might say “steady progress being made” IYKYK
Speaking of work, all of a sudden I have started to feel a lot more confident. I know I have touched on it before, saying how sometimes jumping in is a little bit daunting. However I am pleased to say I am feeling that less and less now. I think part of it is not being the new kid anymore. There have been further intakes since I started with my cohort, and of course it has been an age since I started training now. I will come back to that in a bit. It definitely feels nice to be confident enough to help others, challenge things, and just have a general sense of knowing what the heck I am doing.
Out of work, I have pivoted my focus a bit. I had a poor start to the year with cycling, and as we slipped into the summer I noticed I have not done as much as previous years. I am not beating myself up about that, and know there are various reasons for it. So unlike years gone by I am not frantically trying to make up for lost time, and cycle every day. Instead I have decided to focus a little more on running. With the time I have available, and the need to find a healthy balance of exercise and rest, running fits the bill a little better.
Add to the list, the physical benefit of running and the slight weight loss that comes with it, and we are onto a winner. Once again a level headed approach, I am not as fast as I used to be, and have no interest on setting new PBs. Instead, time, distance and fitness levels are my goal, and I feel a lot better for it. Of course there is always a little twist, and in this case it is Garmin. My Epix watch is my driver, and along with the app it sets me a plan to adhere to. Of course if I am not feeling up to it I simply rest. But it is a sort of quiet accountability for me.
We will see how the fitness is going in a few hours, as straight after work I have a “Health and Wellbeing” appointment at my GP’s. Straight off a long run of shifts at work, somewhat exhausted and fatigued, if they check any of my vitals I might read as a bit of a disaster. But the plan is for them to give me some pointers for my nutrition and general day to day wellbeing, especially as I further mature in years. This is something that was planned at my last doctors consultation a month or so back.
In general my health I think has been good. Weight loss is gradual but consistent now, even little binge moments don’t cause sudden weight gain. On the downside, muscle loss is evident, and mobility is starting to drop off a little, so that is something I am keen to do something about. However I am not going to rush into something unsustainable. Maybe after this appointment I can take a look at where I can fit some strength training and flexibility in also. Yoga or similar would probably be the right decision, but I have constantly tried to get back into it and failed over recent years.
Scheduling is my main hurdle at the moment. I have been working a bit of overtime lately, so getting rest days in, and making sure I recharge a little has been important. I am proud of myself for actually moderating myself, and not burning out by trying to do too much. Finding a little peace in my mind, and being able to do less and still feel better for it has been a real breakthrough for me. The overtime has strangely also been an integral part of my growth too. Working with other watches, getting to know other people a little better, and learning to fit into other close knit groups has given a little boost to my confidence too.
I think part of it is a sense of freedom, a certain streak of confidence to perform to my own level regardless of who I am working with. It has showcased that I am competent, and able to do the role, and not stick out like a sore thumb as the newbie that doesn’t have a clue. I am actually NOT that person. My god I have grown in the space of a year.
Speaking of a year… IT’S BEEN A YEAR!! (almost) since I first walked in this place to start my training. Wide eyed and terrified of what to expect. In that time I have really become the person I have always aspired to be. Level headed, dedicated and someone who makes a difference to others every time I work. Regardless of the role I carry out on any given shift, I know that my actions make a difference to someone elses day. So I take huge pride in doing that. And can I just take a moment to say how proud of myself I am. I should say it more, but holy cow I am proud of what I have achieved in the space of a year. So much personal growth and development, it is on a scale I never imagined.
Of course I am still the same introvert shy guy from time to time, but I save my energy and use it wisely. Amazingly, even with doing lots of overtime, doing this role doesn’t exhaust me mentally, just a little bit physically haha. But it is all worth it. Not only am I making new bonds, breaking new ground, and stretching my horizons, I am also earning extra pocket money, which means getting my dental bill paid off a little quicker. The difference a year can make eh!
Right, I feel I have gotten a lot of my chest here, so will call it a day while things are still at least a little coherent still. Thanks for reading, and more to follow soon I am sure. I finally have two days off back to back coming up and I can’t wait. I say two days, more like one and a half, but I will take it.