Snazy – My mind, my fight, my story.

Grrrr !! Admin notes

December 1, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

The last two entries are NOT to my liking and have caused far more stress than they were intended to. The whole point of them was to get some thoughts off my mind and to help me relax before a couple of stressful moments ahead. Instead they have infuriated me, and done the exact opposite of what I intended them to do.

Who know my outlet could so quickly becomes my cause of stress Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Anyway, I am not happy with how they have come out, the formatting is not to my standard and the content feels garbled, but they will have to do for now.

Lesson to self… You have a home office with a nice set up for writing these things… USE IT !!

Teeth!

December 1, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

Ever since I was a little boy I have had a bad relationship with my teeth. There, I

said it, it’s a fact, My earliest memories are visiting the dentist on Sydenham

High St Dr Wright I believe. Nice enough guy, funny mop of a haircut and a big

moustache.. Open wiiiiiide!

I had the occasional filling, and recall this was always done without anaesthetic,

I was always confused when people said about having injections for theirs. That

nasty metallic taste in your mouth regardless of what they were doing. Rinse

and spit!

At some point I went to Kings College dental hospital and had 4 of my back teeth

out to make room for my teeth to move, so my teeth could be straightened. Alas,

that was probably the last meaningful action I had carried out, as no braces

ever materialised, and I was blighted with a big ol’ buck tooth at the front.

Throughout my childhood, and into my young adult life, all pictures of me are

with a closed mouth smile.

Sadly this poor relationship with my mouth continued and my oral

maintenance became worse and worse. In my early 20s I was having more

extractions from decay and toothache, and so the spiral continued

Looking back through my photos on Facebook and from holidays in my 30s, 40s

and into my 50s I have never been much of a smiler. Part of that is being a

grumpy git, and the other part is hating my teeth to the point its easier to just

grin at best. Until now…

Recently, with the change of job, the boost in confidence, and the wish to give

myself a fighting chance as I get older, I have decided to do something about it.

Something rather drastic in fact, and dare I say fuckin expensive tool We are

talking 5 digits before decimal points here.

I will go more into detail, probably over on my other blog, but wanted to note it

here. After all it will hopefully have quite a profound effect on my mental

health as well as my oral and physical health.

I have dates all booked for the build up to the start of the procedures, and a date

for surgery booked, Time off work is also booked to allow healing and settling,

SO it is all rather exciting. After 51 year, I am getting all I want for Xmas……..My

two front teeth (and then some)

Tomorrow is a big step

December 1, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

At the end of last tour I was asked if I was OK going semi solo for the next one.

Of course I was delighted to hear that being said, and pretty confident that all

will be OK. That said, I also know I won’t be sleeping much tonight lol.

It is great to know that the people in the position to make that decision are

clearly happy enough for me to take that step. Especially given that I know it is

not an act of desperation or just making up the numbers, as we have plenty of

us in next tour.

Some of the group that I trained with have already taken that step and are

flying totally solo now. I on the other hand have stayed buddies with someone

up until now, with them listening in on my calls, The next step is to have no one

actually listening in on the call, but to be close enough by to offer help if needed,

and if not on a call themselves, be able to hear what is going on on my end of

the call.

Like I say tonight will be an interesting one trying to sleep. I have gotten a lot

better and switching off most of the time, and putting thoughts out of my mind,

however for things like this, I am sure that will be a bit more of a struggle.

You may recall a while back when I was still in the application and vetting

stages of things, I said there would be a non stop list of points where I would

stil feel I had to overcome and achieve, would I get through the interview,

would I get past vetting, could I pass training etc. Well this is one of the later

stages of that non stop process. Can I cope going it alone?

Answer.”YES”. Of course I can, however the eternal doubt in my mind is going

to be playing some mean tricks on me from here on in. I am solo but not alone. I

am speaking one on one with the callers, but am surrounded by a wealth of

knowledge and support to make sure everything is OK for everyone involved

So all is well. It is another milestone to pass, something else to achieve, and then

we are onto the next step and the next point of question for myself.

At the end of this tour we have the Xmas do for our watch, which means getting

to know everyone a little better outside the work environment. Masks off,

guards down, this is the real me kinda moment. Not that I expect that to look

any different to the person I am at work anyway, I can honesty say I am the

most genuine version of myself at work than I have been for decades, and it

feels great.

So the coming week is something I am really looking forward to, and have every

faith in myself, It is about time I felt like that, and is only possible because of the

fabulous people around me both in and out of work who give me the confidence

to feel that way, Thank you all,

Lots more to write about lots more things, but I will have to decide where they

go and when I write them. Can I write another before dinner this evening?

Thanks for reading.

SO tired!

November 27, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

I guess it’s that time of year again, plus a little exhausted from the past few months of brain abuse better known as training. I am sure things get easier with time, and as I settle into my comfort zone I feel little things are calming down a bit.

But the bit I can’t get past at the moment is the tiredness. When I wake up in the morning, even after a good sleep, I still have an overwhelming desire to stay right where I am. Now the old me would immediately think OMG I am starting to slip and I’m gonna start to spiral.

However this is new me, positive me, the real me. And that me knows that I am in fact mentally fine right now. It’s just the other parts that are letting me down a bit. Physically I am a bit of a mess at the moment, gained weight, lost fitness and am really missing out on the activities that usually keep me firing on all cylinders.

I guess there is an aspect of mental wellbeing in there, having not had a number of bike rides out in the wild each week like I usually would. That will have taken a toll, I am not going to shy away from that fact. But I don’t think it’s the main issue.

Instead I think it is lack of routine (that is coming, but taking time), lack of physical fitness, the long dark days are drawing in, and I can feel how that makes me tired just based on the drive to work just now. Headlights on at 1pm on a gloomy afternoon is depressing (in the normal sense not the clinical sense).

Over all though, I think I just need a little break. I have been on the go since Aug (I know I know poor me).. But to make the point it has been very mentally demanding, and my brain just needs some down time to process and file it all away.

I have lots of leave to take before April, but I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea right now. Now to be clear, this is not work impressing this on me, this is my choosing. But right now I want to get two or three tours going solo under my belt before I take any time off. At the moment that feels doable, but hopefully it won’t take much longer to go solo, so I can get started on those tours.

Obviously if my brain starts to melt before that time I might have to take another look at that plan. But let’s see, I’m not calling it yet. If all goes well, three solo tours would take me to Xmas week, so maybe some time off in the new year.

In the meantime, fresh air, coffee, and regular walks will keep me going. I just need to make sure that the rest I get is good rest, and that I don’t try to over do it trying to get fitter again.

Fitness of course is a whole different story, and something for another entry I think. Til then, I will finish this coffee, get some air and get my head I the game for my late short shift.

Thanks as ever for reading.

A little validation.

November 22, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

I had a nice little meeting with a couple of senior people at work yesterday, just to touch base and see how I was feeling about things. My progress, development and basic fitting in with my watch.

I have to say it was all quite positive, and even after my little wobbles on the previous workday, I feel like I am achieving what I need to to be taken seriously and trusted to work solo some time soon.

My senior manager is off this week, so solo flying can’t be signed off just yet as that is his call to make. However the signs are promising. Having had feedback from multiple experienced people on the watch now, it all seems to be pointing in the right direction, which is a relief I must say.

I was keen to make clear that while I am building confidence in what I am doing, I am in no way over confident, and don’t for one second think I am ready for anything now, as that is NOT the case whatsoever. I do however feel like I have built a good working relationship with my team, and am starting to better understand processes and procedures within the organisation and within the watch itself.

I am just getting my head in the game for my night shift now. I had a nice lay in, but have not had any sleep this afternoon, so hopefully I am prepared for the night ahead. I have tried various methods over the past few weeks, from sleeping during the day, to just taking it easy and saving energy, and relying on the breaks at work to get me through the night. Not always the best idea as we are always one big incident away from having reduced breaks.

In the meantime I have applied to do the Mental Health First Aider course at work, and have some provisional dates offered to me. We also have the Xmas do coming up, and I discovered yesterday I have a LOT of leave to take, so need to start planning to do something about that soon. But I am going to hold off on booking any time off until I have been set free to fly solo, and done a couple of tours sitting alone before I get confident enough to take extra time away from the desk.

At the moment, three days rest between tours feels like I have forgotten everything by the time I sit back down at a desk to start the next one. So to take a single tour off, would result in me being off for 9 days straight, two tours would be 15 days off, so I want to be sure I am ready to take at least 9 days off before I book anything.

Then of course, overtime starts to become available soon, which some people are keen on doing, however right now I am taking things easy, and not rushing into anything. The money would be nice of course, especially with some things I have in the pipeline, but I am taking things one step at a time for now.

Right, I guess I better go get my new slippers and put them in the car for later.

Thanks for reading, and here’s to flying solo soon.

Uh-oh

November 18, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

Just a short one as a little recognition of the learning process.

On the last tour, something slipped past me that left me annoyed at myself. I am being cryptic for a reason here, not going into details, as this is just a short entry about a moment I want to grow from, and learn from. And more importantly, not forget about it and just let it pass me by.

It was nothing major, no harm was done, but a process was overlooked and pointed out to me a little later on by a more senior colleague. There were no bollockings, no bad feelings, and no upset caused. I was however a little mad at myself for a while, and spent possibly too long looking back over it, and talking about it to other people.

All that said, it was a great example for me to use to teach myself to slow my brain down at times, and look at things closely, rather than trying to rattle through them as quickly as possible. Also a bit of humble pie was needed, just to keep my confidence in check.

But it’s OK… I understand what happened, and know for next time. I will of course be speaking to my peers about this at the start of the next tour, just to drag myself over the coals one last time, because that is just my process.

Starting to feel at home

November 18, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

Three months ago roughly I walked into the grounds of a new organisation, had an ID card made, and met a whole bunch of new people. After 12 weeks of training and testing I was told I had met the grade and had completed the basic training to start doing a role I have only dreamed of for decades. Then there was a ceremony, an official recognition of the efforts of myself and my training cohort, and we were given some epaulettes and handed over to “the floor”.

Since then I have done three tours, and experienced so much I had not seen in training. Not to say I was not expecting some surprises, and to be forever learning, of course I was. However I was definitely surprised at a few of them, but have chalked it all down to experience, and tucked each one neatly under my belt to refer back to when the time arises.

I am not going to pretend that it has all been plain sailing. There have been plenty of WTF moment, and deer in the headlights too. However for the majority of the time I have definitely felt well prepared, and more importantly 100% supported by my watch. I keep saying it to other people, but I really do feel I landed on my feet here, and already feel at home.

I am not even a month into doing the role, and am still sitting with a baby-sitter most of the time. Which has its pros and cons of course. While I feel pretty confident in my processes and decisions, I also feel like I need to validate myself on some things, so that adds to the mental load from time to time. On the flip side of course, there are also moments when I turn to them with a shocked look on my face, looking for guidance.

The beautiful thing about this job is even long after the baby-sitter is gone, there is always someone right next to you. Usually they are actually right there, however there is ALWAYS someone there figuratively and just a hand wave away. This is really important at times, and even the most experienced in the room rely on this system from time to time when something big comes up.

I was asked after a recent blog entry if I could go into more detail on some of the things I deal with. For obvious reasons I can’t discuss any incidents or persons involved, but what I would say is what we were told in training is 100% true.

Every day will be different, you will constantly hear news things, see new situations and be surprised by the types of incidents you will be asked to deal with. These are generally people having their worst day, and looking for you to offer them some assistance or even just advice on what they need to do to make things better.

People from all walks of life will contact us, and depending on their personality, mental state, and situations they are in, they will all behave very differently . Sometimes it will be predictable, other times it will make no sense to behave the way they are in the situation they are in. Extremely calm in terrible situations, and very emotional and distressed in quite simple situations. Whatever the case, whoever they are, they will be treated equally, and offered the same help and advice.

From apologetic for “bothering” you whilst they are in a precarious situation, to rude and demanding in a self made situation, which you may or may not think is something we should be dealing with, they come in all shapes and sizes.

I have seen quite a wide spread of the above already, but know I am only scraping the surface and over the years will see much much more. All I can do is practise my skills, and hope that it prepares me for the day when my experience and personality are put to the test. The great part is I am learning from a great bunch of people, and am surrounded by support, so I have every confidence that I will continue to grow as a person and also in my capacity as one of the team.

I am now on my rest days between tours, and taking a bit of time to deal with everything I have experienced, and get myself fresh enough for the next tour. I look forward to it each time, but also have a hint of trepidation, which I guess is only natural. While I have been there a while now, I still very much feel like the new kid, and am still learning the unspoken processes, and making sure I do things as one of the team and not an individual. As I said, I am yet to go it alone for a full tour, so take comfort in that. But I also look forward to walking onto the floor with total confidence, and knowing I am going it alone.

Right, I am off to write some more entries on blogs, so will thank you for reading and bid you farewell for now.

Wow….People eh!

November 6, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

First up, before I say a word, lets address the new look. Not sure about this theme, but thought it was time to switch things up a little bit. So bear with me here, things might get a little funky for a while. OK, glad that’s taken care of.

So, back to me, that’s what this is all about after all, as I am reminded time and again by a very dear friend of mine.

As I sit typing this out, in real-time as it flows out of my brain, the first thing I realise is “damn, I can type pretty darn fast, without looking at the keyboard, without thinking about where I need to hit next, it just flows. I guess if it didn’t then I would probably not write blogs as it would take foreeeeeverrrrr! However it seems that that is not always the case and I will get onto that shortly.

Let’s get you all up to speed on how things have been since training ended. The first notable thing is pass-out. Finally in full uniform, and surrounded by my nearest and dearest, the day was amazing. I don’t say that lightly, and have to admit it went far beyond my expectations. I know i keep saying it, but I really feel like part of a family in my new role, and that will continue to become apparent as I write more I am sure .

The setting was of course at work, and I was able to introduce my best friends to my bestie at work, and we all got to spend some time together as a complete group. It felt important to me for everyone who is special and close to me to know each other, and see that each of them has a place in my heart, and a role in my life. And I hope deep inside that they can all lean on each other at times too, regardless of if the situation is about me or not.

After seeing my line manager and being invited to show my guests around my workplace, it was time for the pass-out ceremony. All sitting in the same room, with my training cohort, trainers, line management, senior officers and of course my guests. I felt SO proud to be a part of the day, and even prouder to be joining the workforce after proving my worth over the past 12 weeks. Standing up to receive my certificate from the Deputy Assistant Commissioner was a very proud moment for me indeed.

Formalities over, it was time for food and fun, and we were lucky enough to have been joined by a 64 meter turntable ladder to have a look at and experience. If you know me, you know I love big machines, and this thing is no exception. Giving an amazing view of London from the top, and getting to see the expanse that I will now play a role in protecting and helping in their worst moments.

Once the day came to an end, we jumped in the car, popped home and headed off to Wales for a few days to relax, before coming back to London for my first tour as a qualified member of staff. Training is one thing, but being in a live environment, and dealing with real incidents and events is something totally different. But OMG I love it!

Was I nervous? Duh, of course I was. Not knowing what to expect is all part of it. No one in the role will ever tell you they have heard it all, or are ready for ANYTHING, because neither statement would ever be true. But do I feel confident enough to listen, gather information, seek advice and get the right help on its way as quickly as possible? ABSOLUTELY!

This isn’t about knowing it all, or having all the answers. It is about being part of a well oiled machine, having access to a wealth of information, and having good people to lean on for advice. No two calls are the same, and after just one tour, or three shifts ranging across all the hours of the day, during fireworks weekend, I can say with absolute certainty that I did not once take a call the same as anything else I had taken already. Similar incidents, yes of course. But it is the interaction with the individual that makes each call so differently.

London has a huge population, consisting of people from all walks of life. From wealthy to the homeless, from all corners of the globe. Covering all ethnicities, religions, languages etc. Not to mention the state of mind of the callers can massively influence how the call goes. From simple things that needed a little care and reassurance, to larger incidents requiring robust instruction, careful questioning, and a lot of behind the scene actions, I think we covered it all. Not to say there is nothing more to experience, because there is, and I look forward to helping in those matters too.

Grateful, humble, polite, confused and down right abusive, I had the opportunity to speak to people from all areas. Treating each one as an individual, giving each the same treatment, and of course making sure I took the best course of action for them in their situation. Matters like this are a great leveller. Knowing someone is having a bad day, and is in need of your help is all I need to treat them with respect regardless of how they choose to present themselves in the moment.

Sitting here now on my second rest day, I am enjoying feeling relaxed enough to write this, and at the same time energised enough to want to share my stories (within guidelines), to show people just how great the role is, and how thankful I am to be in this position. This time last year I was miserable, introvert, and completely unaware of how shitty I felt. Being made redundant turned my life around, for the better.

Setting me on this path of self exploration, and opening my eyes to not only what I really wanted to do, but also the opportunities I had to make those dreams a reality. Now I sit here, proud of my achievements, happy with my choices, and excited for what the future brings.

For the record… I in no way think I know it all, believe I am ready to be set free on my own on the floor, or have the knowledge or abilities to deal with any situation. But the great thing is, I don’t think I need it all either. Of course experience will help me become quicker and more efficient at what I do. I will have to lean less on others for the main part of the calls. It will also give me the confidence to feel much more prepared for whatever comes next. However, I vow to always remain humble about my role and abilities, keep my mind open to new information and training, and adapt as the world and risks change around us.

The things I have experienced over the past three days are just the tip of the iceberg, and there is so much more to come. I am sure my closest friends will hear lots more about it all, and for that I thank them in advance.

In the meantime, I am going to use this entry to hold myself accountable. Not only do I promise to stick to the vows I have made above, I also swear something else.
Now that I have my toes under the desk at work, and have a VERY structured routine for work shifts at work, I now vow to turn my attention to myself, and get back to a level of fitness I am happy with. The past few weeks have been very relaxed physically, and I know my fitness is suffering a bit. Proven by a short ride on Zwift today.

So, from my next tour, I am going to ensure I look after myself mentally and physically. Taking time for myself, scheduling exercise in to both working and rest days, and most of all, get my arse back on a bike and riding outside. It has long been my crutch, and hope it will continue to be. Burning off negative energy, getting out of my own head, and breathing fresh air in nice open places.

Right, that said, I am off out into the chilly winter afternoon.

School is out!

October 25, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

Last day in the classroom today. Only a half day and most of it spent in the live environment for the first time. Talking to real people in need of help in all ways, shapes and forms.

Crazy to think 12 weeks ago I wasn’t working at all. 11 weeks ago I walked onto the premises for the first time as an employee, and here I am today newly qualified to do a job that I have always dreamed of doing.

The last day has been one of mixed emotions. Being split from my training cohort, although we will see each other again on Tuesday for pass-out. Getting the opportunity to work on the live floor, and actually feel confident in doing so (with supervision of course). Not to mention saying farewell for the last time to the training team

I say last time, we all work in the same building and will be doing much more training as and when needed. But for this part, the new recruit side of things, that’s it!

It was nice to chill out and have lunch with my new bestie. Although we will rarely cross paths from now on, but will of course stay in touch and annoy the shit out of each other as ever.

So that’s it. The end of my initial training journey.

It’s just the beginning. Next up is pass-out next week, where I get to show my nearest and dearest where I work now. Then a whole load of firsts.

First shift as a qualified employee with my watch. First calls with them, not to mention a whole load of firsts for types of calls. I really can’t wait to get my feet under the desk and become as capable and experienced as some of the legends I have already met and worked alongside.

Here’s to pass-out next week, and hopefully good weather so I can have a really fun experience at pass-out.

Training – That’s a wrap!

October 20, 2024 waffledog 0 Comments

Ten weeks of training has flown by, but at the same time I feel like I have worked for the organisation for ages now. Every day feels so familiar already, yet I don’t for one second resent waking up at 5am each day to start my day.

A typical day for me at the moment is up at just after 5am, get myself ready, and leave the house a bit before six… This allows me to beat the traffic, get out from under my wifes feet so she can start her day the way she likes to, and most importantly, it allows me to get to work, park, then start my day with a run or a session in the gym. Cardio, weights or yoga, as long as I am moving, I am waking up and preparing for the day properly.

For the past ten weeks now, this has been my routine Mon to Fri. And as I have touched on before, I am definitely feeling it now. This weekend I have done NOTHING… Nada, naff all, diddly squat! Because I felt my body and mind needed a bit of a reset.

Next week, aka from tomorrow, there are final assessments to be done, to formally start my probation at work. First tests are tomorrow, with my practical test being probably on Tuesday.. After they are done, I wait, we wait. Once all the assessments are done, we get our results and see if we have passed.

How do I feel about the I hear you ask. Well, to be honest, quite relaxed. I know I am not ready to fly solo, and I won’t be for some time yet. However I have confidence that I have taken on board a lot of the information, procedures, and other bits that will help me be able to make time critical decisions when I need to. Will I get 100% and be top of the class….. Nope, I doubt that, but obviously would love to do the best I can, and feel like that will definitely be more than enough.

If all goes as expected, I then have a few days between passing and pass-out. Then a few more days before my first set of shifts. This time in two weeks I could /should be on duty, serving London with an amazing group of people.

I feel so lucky to have been put on the watch I have. Having done a couple of weeks with them already, I feel at home, supported and confident that I will grow and develop to be as awesome as them all one day.

Also, if I get the green light, I will have a change of shift routine too, which will allow me more time to rest, relax and do my own thing, and this five day week thing will all be in the past. If for no other reason, this is a great reason to make sure I shine come test day.

Three days on, three days off, rolling rota forever more. Unless of course that is changed, which is possible as an idea has been put forward. But for now I am happy with it as it is.

If the first couple of days of next week go well, on October 29th I will pass out from training and become a full on probationer til some time in 2025.

I’m sure I have said it a few times now, bit being made redundant from FedEx was a blessing in disguise. Since starting the training for the new role I have re-found my appreciation for people, being social, and have had my faith restored in how positive it is to work in a team. Let’s hear it for good people.

There is a downside of course, there is always a downside. Every action has an opposite reaction and all that. I bid farewell to my bestie. She has been by my side for ten weeks now. We have had some amazing chats, gotten to know each other so well, and now our paths will barely ever cross again. 😢

But I know, or I hope I know… When the opportunity presents itself, when we have down time, or just need a rant or a chat, we will both still be there for each other.

That is not to say I won’t miss the rest of the cohort too, of course I will. A room full of unique personalities who I have gotten to know so well over the past ten weeks. I will see more of some than others, and it will be good to exchange stories and experiences moving forward.

Even more exciting is immediately after we finish, another group start training, then another after them, so in the blink of an eye we will no longer be the newbies.

It has been a crazy, interesting, entertaining, amusing and sometimes emotional journey. And we have only just begun. Here’s to passing what I need to, taking the next steps, and hope I never have to speak to any of you from work, EVEERRRR! But if I do, I’m on it, and I have your back! ❤️

Thanks to everyone who has been with me along the journey so far, I have appreciated all your kind messages and words, not to mention supportive chats when it has been needed.

Fingers crossed the next entry will be a good one. Thanks for reading as ever.

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