Snazy

I thought rather than lots of separate messages in loads of conversations I would put a little entry together about my first day at the new job.

So, I got there nice and early, loitered for a while before spotting someone who looked like a new starter doing the same. Moments later a fire engine rounded the corner on blues and rocked up to the control centre, followed moments later by another.

Of course there was a fire alarm going off on my first day at the new place. Irony at its finest. Regardless we all signed in and the fun begun.

I have to say, as excited and motivated as I was going into this role, having sat through the first day induction and introduction to the organisation, I am even more excited and charged up to do my best in training and become the best person I can be.

Lots of interesting facts revealed today, as well as some other surprising information about how the watch works, and what to expect on each different shift. The ins and outs of each role in the control room, and what to expect from training.

I thought I would be a nervous wreck and mentally exhausted by this point, but it's quite the opposite. A folder to look through tonight, and mentally ready for some training to start tomorrow.

ID pass sorted, parking sorted, uniform ordered, so everything is moving in the right direction. Now the fun begins, first test in 2-3 weeks. First training, radio.

I have asked if I am allowed to blog with a bit more detail, obviously no names, or anything with operational sensitivity, so will see what is said.

Thanks for your interest, and rest assured I will be giving it my all.

After two weeks in Florida, "surviving" Tropical Storm Debby, dealing with dog fights from afar, but all in all having an amazing time, the past 24 hours have been a shocker. Not the ending to the restful reset that we had planned. 

A long travel day starting at about 5am EST (10am UK) getting the final bits done before heading out to breakfast, then coming back to the house for a bit and waiting for a package (that never arrived). We headed to the airport and got caught in horrible traffic for a bit. But check-in was a breeze, and the flight was on time. So all good there.

Upgraded to premium for the flight home, so that was nice too. 
On arriving back at Gatwick and putting my phone back on, I had a call from the vets offering a spaying appointment for Freyja next week. Got that sorted, grabbed the bags and headed home on the train. By this time it was now 10am UK time, so tiredness kicking in due to lack of sleep on the flight.

Arriving home at midday, and chatting to the dog sitter, we got up to speed with what had happened while we were away, and checked the injuries on the dogs. Not nice but nothing major. Then hopped in car and took her home. 

On returning home it was immediately obvious walking in the door that there had been another fight in the 30 mins we were gone. As I walked into the kitchen Anya launched herself at Kallik once again. Thankfully I was able to part them before anything else happened.

On looking at the injuries this time, they were far worse than before, and it was clear Kallik would need to go and get some attention urgently at the vets. Anya also, but not anywhere near as bad. Kallik for once had obviously managed to get some defensive bites in. 

The vets at Vets4pets Sydenham fitted us in immediately and started sorting him out straight away. Hoping they could do it under sedation, it was soon clear he was going to need a GA to get him sorted out

While he was in surgery, we came back home and collected Anya to take her to see another of the vets. She was agitated and not herself, something was clearly not right, but there were no signs of what it was. A quick examination showed tightness in her rear leg, possibly arthritis, or maybe an injury from one of the fights. Either way, on reviewing the video from the fights, talking through her change in behaviour, it was decided that the best course of action would be for her to be put to sleep.

This decision was reinforced by the vet working on Kallik speaking with Anyas vet and detailing the severity of the injuries to him, and that they seemed to indicate intent to cause serious damage or kill. Not just lashing out, but sustained attacks lasting up to five minutes, with Kallik rarely trying to defend himself, instead running around with her hanging from his neck and face. Thank heavens to have actually been able to see these things. So anyone who sneers at having CCTV around the place, it was priceless on this occasion. 

After lots of emotions, and a bit of breathing space, we returned to be with Anya for her last moments. She had had to be sedated for this too as she had become aggressive while they were putting her cannula. So was pretty much out of it already. Watching the last moments is never nice, but felt right, and was good to be there, seeing her peaceful before the syringe was pushed was almost healing. 

Shortly after all of that, and after spending some time with her, we were told Kallik would be good to go soon, so we hung around to wait for him. 

After parting with the best part of a thousand pounds, we took a very sore and sad Kallik home, back to Freyja. Who in the meantime had let herself into the bathroom and become trapped. My sister came over at very short notice to let her out while we were still at the vets. Of course, Freyja had peed and pooed in there, then smeared it around. 
And just to add insult to injury, someone reversed into my sisters car while she was driving up my road. 

Talk about the day from hell!!

Finally at around 8pm, 34 hours after the "day" had started, I finally climbed into bed.

On waking this morning, refreshed from the sleep, but still a bit out of sync, I realised it was now Saturday, with just Sunday left to adapt before starting the new job on Monday. Jet-lagged and exhausted, not the way to show up for your first day of training. 

Kallik however is much more relaxed and at ease now, not hiding in the bedroom in fear of being attacked again. Wounds are on the mend. Lots of stitches in his ears, some deep inside. Probably causing part of the irritation he is feeling.  Other than that though he is in good spirits, and Freyja is being the loving and supportive little friend she has been from day 1. 

Monday he goes back for a check-up, Tuesday Freyja goes in to be spayed. Should we start a GoFundMe now? lol

I will close by saying thank you. 

To Juno the dog sitter for sticking with them pretty much alone, when things took a turn. Dog fights are never nice, especially when they happen in such close quarters. So to have stuck around for the rest of the period, and been so loving and understanding was truly amazing. Thank you so much.

Thanks too to my sister and the kids for standing in for Juno when she needed to step away, and for all the support she has given Juno and us over the past two weeks and of course yesterday. Special thanks to Teyla my niece for the wonderful and much needed hugs and cuddles when they were needed the most. Talk about reading the room.

To the staff at Vets4Pets. Some will say it's their job, they were being paid, but the compassion and conversation was priceless, and made things that were so wrong feel better and easier to deal with. We stick with them for this exact reason. 

And finally thank you to everyone who has commented or got in touch over the past day to offer support and words of help or kindness. Knowing you are doing the right thing at times like this is not a certainty, but every message helped.

Right, I need some sleep, so I am going to relax for a bit then hit the hay. Tomorrow is another day... A better one I hope. 

After a couple of months of waiting and wondering, the wait is over, my DBS has been completed and it is as expected, clear. So the final hurdle overcome, confirmation from work that all is well, and I start training NEXT WEEK !!

It has taken so long, yet come around so quickly at the same time. It is genuinely hard to comprehend how two events on the same timeline can seemingly have take such different amounts of time, when in fact they are hour for hour identical. 

Going back to January when the redundancy news first hit, I had an idea of how it would play out. Both an ideal scenario, and an expected one. Ironically timescale wise, things have played out to my ideal scenario to within a couple of weeks.

I hoped that I could take the bulk of summer as a break after official redundancy in May, and hopefully start whatever new role I went for in September. Well here I am in early August, with a start date of Aug 12th. I had hoped to spend three weeks in Florida before starting any new job, instead I have had two, but that is OK with me, as I changed my holiday schedule once I had a provisional start date.

With regards to job, in Feb/March I was set on working for the prison service, and after initial positive experiences, everything went quiet. Since March I have had little contact with the prison service, and have awaited an offer from them, after getting my initial provisional pass of all interview stages. Surprising given that we are repeatedly told that the prison service is desperate for new staff.. Hmm!

Out of a blue a good friend told me of the role at their work. Having previously applied and gotten nowhere with it, I was in two minds if I would apply. However on careful consideration it ticked all the boxes, so I went for it. Much to my shock I passed all stages, and moved onto medical and background checks. Medical was a breeze, but the DBS seemed to take forever.

Today, while in Florida I asked Juno, the house/ dog sitter to check my mail for me as I had seen on my DBS tracker that it was complete. A few images later and there it was, DBS clear! So I popped it off to their recruitment, and was giggly when I received an email saying "Welcome to the ********".

This time next week I will be in the midst of my first day at control, and embarking upon 11 weeks of training. I have my schedule for this already, which is handy. So now I know what I am doing until almost November. After that, all being well, and if I have passed all my training tests, I will go onto a watch, and begin my permanent rotation of shifts. Which I am SO looking forward to.

So eight months after that first group call on Teams with Fedex, being told we were at risk of being made redundant, I can proudly say that I start work / training next week, with an organisation I can honestly say I am chuffed, delighted, excited, and honoured to work for. 

Now onto my next over-thinking topic, training, will I pass?? lol.

Thanks for all the support over the past eight months and long before for some people.

Hopefully I can share with you the next part of my journey, but of course will be careful to make sure what is and isn't allowed to be shared.

To say I feel pumped right now is an understatement. But part of that could be the fact I am sitting at the kitchen island here in Florida, having just come out of a tornado warning, as Tropical Storm (now Hurricane) Debby passes over. 

As much as I am sad to be leaving Florida in the next few days, I am over the moon to be here to celebrate a year of marriage with my wife, and looking forward to the premium seats for the flight back to the UK to start my new chapter.

Here's to the future...

Was just about to hit the pillow for the night, when a thought struck me. The reason it struck me was because it's late, I'm over tired and have eaten too much to settle properly.

That's the point... In the recent spin I have been in and am still kinda in, I have been stressed about the DBS, because I am stressed I am stress eating. Because I am stress eating my fitness is suffering. Because my fitness is down (a tiny smidgen) I am stressed...... And so repeats the circle.

Damnit, it's so easy to see, it's so simple to stop, but alas round and round I go.

Things are beyond my control, and slowly I am accepting that, but still I go to the shops and buy rubbish. So I am writing this to make myself accountable. In two weeks I fly to Florida, I want to feel good, so I need to fix up soon.

On Monday that is it, I go clean again and focus on my mind and body. From tomorrow I start getting to bed at a reasonable time.

Right, time to go and pretend to sleep for a while, at least until my brain has had enough and shuts down for a few hours.

I can't quite put my finger on it, I am not sure what exactly is bothering me, but I know things are not as settled deep inside as they appear on the surface.

The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur. Redundancy pay received, new car ordered and received, clock ticking down on the scheduled start date for the new job. Not to mention tattoos, road trips, and the USA trip coming soon. Like I say, there is a lot happening in a short space of time. Maybe that is it, maybe I have cracked it in the first paragraph. But I don't think so!

Since the tattoo sitting on my arm, and the subsequent week off from training, things have been a bit of a struggle. A break in route, a drop in fitness, and a slump in well-being too. All my vitals show that I have been unsettled. Sitting around while the sun was shining, and then when I was able to run and ride again, its been rain, rain, rain! That has to knock anyone a bit, right?

I think in general it has just been a weird time, I have lost my regular distractions and routines, and at the same time had other things to contend with. Getting the car ready for collection, getting the new car sorted to a point where I was happy with it. Seeing the days counting down for the holiday is a blessing, and something I am really grateful to have in the pipeline. Seeing the days ticking down for the start at the new job less so. 

The whole new job thing is coming at me from multiple angles. While I wait for the DBS to come back (yup still waiting on that, almost 4 weeks since it was started now!), concerns creep into my head. What if the DBS has something on it (It won't!), what if I can't get through training, what if I don't get through probation.. And so on. Not to mention imagining what certain call scenarios sound like, and how it feels to be on the receiving end of one of them. Self doubt is not the end of the world. Most of the time I see it as an internal voice humbling me, to make me realise I am only human, and some of the things that might come up are the exact reason I want to do the job so badly.

However sometimes, at the wrong time of day, like when you are trying to sleep, playing out a scenario in your head isn't helpful. Of course the biggest thing here is the great unknown, the absolute void of knowledge about how things work. And that right there is my saving grace. I know that somewhere along the lines, people have either experienced or thought up these scenarios, and there will be training and procedure in place for it. So I see the voices I get in my head as a wake up call to what lays ahead. And while I don't currently have the training or knowledge to deal with them, I do have the passion and determination to. 

I have to admit, I check the progress of my DBS multiple times a day, not expecting to see a status change, but secretly hoping to. Just getting that sorted and returned, and finally getting a contract to start work will be a massive boost for me, but as I said, I know it won't be the end of self doubt. Not a terrible thing. The day I start believing I can do anything I want, and set my mind to, is the day I need a kick in the arse and to be told to wake up! We all have our limits, but in this case, I know THIS is not one of them.

As I write, and try to make sense of it all in my head, I think I just want a timeline now.
Currently in 6 days I am back in Wales for a couple of days, 16 days time I fly to Florida, and in 34 days I am due to start training. 
Do the maths on that and you will see that after 14 days in Florida, I come home with 3 days left before I am meant to start work. So if the DBS doesn't arrive before I fly out, I have to deal with that while I am away, and have it hanging over me to kill my vacation vibe a bit. 

In an ideal world, I will get my DBS by the end of this week, send it off, and hear back from work by some point next week. Then the week I go to Florida I know how everything is going to play out. What I need to be doing the week I am due to start. Time, place, documents etc. Rushing at the last minute is not really my thing if I can help it.

I think I just need some time out on the bikes, some head-space and a breather like I used to. Hopefully Wales will at least offer one day of riding, so I can test that theory. Which reminds me, the running plan I am doing has really been quite demanding, so that is possibly something else that has impacted how I am. The past 12 weeks, running 4 times a week, 20ish miles a week, combined with the weather, and other commitments has not left me much time to get out on the bike at all. I miss riding!!

Right, I have said all I ca think of. There are a million and one other thoughts going on in my head, but that's all for another blog, or maybe not at all. Whatever happens, I am grateful for what I have, and want to make the most of every opportunity I can. 

Thanks for reading another ramble. Til next time. 

"and how are you day to day these days"

This afternoon I attended a medical for the new job, quite a deep dive into my medical history, as well as some checks into my current state of health and wellbeing.

During the history I was asked about my anxiety and depression, and the bouts I had suffered. I was asked what the most recent event was, and told them about my short spell in 2022.

After telling them about how it had flared up, and how I had coped with it, I was asked how things were now. I said I was good, and practice lots of mindfulness and meditation, which was met with a pleasing smile. The next question was the one above, and it kinda caught me off guard.

Taking a moment to compose myself, I answered by saying "strong, very strong, and motivated to be better every day"

I'm not quite sure where that came from, but it just came out. But I think it really was the complete truth. Reflecting on it, I realised that I am happy, mentally strong, and on a mission to just keep improving.

Just the last few months are testament to my mindset right now. Thinking back to how I would have reacted to all this change and uncertainty a year ago, things would be very different. But now that panic and hide reflex has been replaced with a stand up and fight response.

A little self belief and self worth goes a long way it seems. And you know what.... I like the new me!

The medical ended up going well, the results were good, and the doctor signed off on my fitness for the role.

Tomorrow the curtain falls on 24 years of service with Fedex. The PC gets shut down and packed into a box to return to one of the depots. My ID badge gets tucked in there too, it's already 3 years out of date, that's how long its been since I visited one of the sites. And all my job aids get thrown in the bin, the journey with Fedex comes to and end.

This has been about 5 months in the making, and the clock has ticked down so slowly for most of it, but the last few weeks, everything has sped right up. Workload reduced to nothing, busy with job seeking and interviews etc, it is all a bit of a blur.

Given how things have panned out, with the takeover of another company, the vision for me, and many others was that any job losses would come from the other side. However it appears that we were completely wrong, and that the mass job cuts came from the purple side of the fence. Worse still, for the past few months all press releases from the company seem to paint a picture of a strong company, making moves etc. 

A recent email sent out even went so far as to say there had been rumours of job losses, but reassured that this was not the case. I of course questioned this, and was met with a stone wall from HR, distracting and diverting me away from the issue. Frustrated but not wanting to put any more energy into the matter (it is what it is), I left it at that. But with everything else going on that could have annoyed or upset me, I think is the one thing that left a bad taste.

No mention in the numerous news letters, just fanfare about new hires, investments, and how well the merge is going. To be made redundant is one thing, but to have the whole thing done on the hush hush is what really bites. 

Now I don't want you to think this is a deep rooted gripe, or something that is really getting to me. At the end of the day I have been paid out nicely, treated fairly, and have been pretty much set on a new path, so I am not complaining. This is just an observation on the whole matter. I find it incredible that hundreds of long serving staff can be let go, without so much as a thank you or recognition from the top. If the company is doing so well, at least show some appreciation to the people who helped get you there. No?

Right, enough of that shit. Back to what I opened the laptop for.

The next couple of weeks see big changes for me. The finalisation of the new role (I hope), and a big increase in my bank balance. But somewhere in that time there is a discussion for me to have with myself, an internal conversation. You see there are some issues eating away at me, and some matters I would like to put to bed behind the final curtain. Some opinions, some truths, some things I need to say and get off my chest. 

Anyone who knows me at all will know I am not one to bite my tongue for long, so it may surprise some to learn that I have been doing just that for a long time now. I need to purge it all from my mind, and set myself free from these matters. Set the record straight, and be honest with people. Tell people some cold hard truths. 

A recent blog mentioned one such person, and the reaction was exactly as I expected. A tantrum, a complaint, and an attempt to spread rumours about me. Bless them, when you have nothing to give, take a cheap shot. 

Over the weekend I shall put some thought into the whole idea of a tell all. Maybe write some bits and see if I can be bothered to do it. As I write this the idea is losing its edge, so we shall see. 
Til then, there is one more shift to sign in for, and I really feel I need to keep karma on my side.