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Published on Leave a comment on Here goes….

Well that was a rough night's sleep if I ever had one. OK... I have had worse for sure but it wasn't great. My minor insecurities have caught up with me, and I had a few dreams where I was running away from it all.

I have to say it feels good to have some 'worries' about today, rathe than arrogantly and over confidently strolling in like a boss and then messing up.

Stay humble, be honest, highlight concerns and take it one step at a time. That's the way I am trying to do this. Confidence in the system. Although there have been some points where it didn't all sink in as well, now is the time to rectify that.

Six shifts of using what I have learned in real life. Putting to practice the theories and mock tests, and filling in the gaps to make me more prepared for the end of training.

Although I am saying all the right things, I am of course nervous. I have met some of the people I am working with this week and next, but still more to meet. I have had messages of confidence from others, but this is still my journey.

Awake since 4am I have tried to distract myself from my thoughts, with varying levels of success, instead thinking about having enough food and drink for the shift, wondering why I still have not sorted out food in the mess for myself yet and so on.

Small details, all which can be addressed in good time. For now my aims are simple. Get to work early, don't get caught up in the post school holidays traffic, give myself time for a walk and mindfulness, and just be myself and be honest with my doubts and worries about my knowledge. And if course, get stuck in and try try try!

The traffic part should be interesting. If I leave 10 mins later than usual the traffic is already starting to build, and that was during the school holidays. This week the schools are back, so we shall see how that changes things. I will of course plan to be  at work silly early just to allow myself time to wake up properly and prepare mentally and physically for the day.

Right, I better get ready... Here goes!

Published on Leave a comment on Week 1 done!

Wow, what a blast it has been.

First thing I have to say is thank you to everyone at the operations centre for making me feel so welcome and immediately part of an organisation. The term family gets used a lot, and after just a week I can see how that quickly becomes the feeling. It would he an honour to become another member of such an amazing family.

It has been forever since a work place excited me quite as much as this. Without sounding corny, just the feeling of wanting to be in a place of work, let alone engage with the people there is great.

Walking into areas where established employees are relaxing on their breaks, having a moment to themselves, you expect there to be a sense of annoyance at someone new or an outsider encroaching on their time and space. But it's been the complete opposite.

Remembering who we are talking about here.... Me! Finding myself not only welcomed into the space, but to feel like I can actively engage in conversation with complete strangers is genuinely incredible. It almost has me question who I am! Haha.

Over the past few months I have done a lot of work on my mental well-being, as I am sure I have mentioned a few times along the way. During that time I have become aware that I have made some massive strides, but this was always going to be the big test.

During the interview and testing stages for this role I had surprised myself at my confidence in the moment and the lack of anxiety and over thinking before and after. Obviously this was not fluke, it was "the new me" shining through.

Fast forward to the weeks running up to my start time, the only thing that was playing on my mind was my DBS as it was not something I had control over, but instead had control of me. Thankfully we know how this worked out. Even on the lead up to my first day I felt calm, slept well, and didn't feel like it was playing on my mind.

Turning up at work on my first day, arriving early, spotting who I thought was also a new starter outside, I found myself making the first move to introduce myself and strike up a conversation with him. Thankfully I was right and he was indeed also there to start his control training. So before we had even entered the premises, I knew someone.

Next step, signing in, being met by the training team, and meeting the rest of the group I would be training with. Eight of us in all. Once all signed in and taken to a room, the introductions started. Previously as the wave of intros went around the table I would be practising what I was going to say, and not hearing what anyone else said. This time was so different. Listening to the people, hearing their stories and feeling inspired to add more to my own story.

From that point on, we had a quick tour of the building, then got stuck into information absorbing, aka learning. The next few days, bonds have grown, comfort around each other has developed. Rather than feeling daft, stupid or vulnerable when something hasn't quite sunk in during a lesson, I feel confident and comfortable either asking the question to the whole group, or scooting over to a colleague and asking them to repeat or explain it.

It's at this stage slightly question myself. In the past many years ago confidence could quickly come across as cockiness. So I have been careful to try and keep things in check. Not that my personality is normally obnoxious, but I don't want it to appear that way if I start to feel like I have to play to a stereotype. I think in recent years I have very much used this personality as my crutch to get me through testing times.

This time I don't feel I need it. I feel like I am being my genuine self, am accepted for who I am, and most importantly, I feel my personality fits into the group and our environment. No need to.be someone I am not. Hired as the person they met on the day, it is only right I remain that person and no one else.

So, week 1 of learning has been an eye opener. Once again, classroom was never my favourite place to be back when I was at school, but I think I recall enjoying it for a long time until learning ended and I became bored. Dealing with the things I will eventually be dealing with, I can't ever imagine a day when I feel I am not getting any mental stimulation.

My brain is currently digesting everything that has been thrown at it over the week. Most of which has been taken on board, some bits will need a recap, some homework, and practice to really solidify it in place.

The weekend will be a time to decompress, revise at times, and relax for a bit. Next week my plan is to get to work early, go for a run or use the on-site gym, then get stuck into learning. The last week has been quite limited for physical activities, so I want to get back on track. I think going back to starting my day with a run, walk or ride will set me up better for the day.

Right, I have rambled on, just needed to get some of those bits out of my head. Been meaning to blog the last few days but was focusing on getting some rest. I know however there are people who want to know what is going on, so this is for you.

Thanks for reading, thanks to the new place for the opportunity and welcome, and let's get ready for Week 2.

Published on Leave a comment on Another day done

Back home after day two. Parking on site, slightly more relaxed attire, and any nerves I did have pretty much gone. Arrived early on site to work out passes, parking, and familiarise myself with the layout of the building at my own pace. A little pop quiz with myself, walking through doors and corridors and trying to remember what I expected to see when I walked in. I got a B- at least!

Today we got started on some familiarisation with the company policies, procedures, and the basics of the training program. 

To say it is interesting is an understatement, and already things are far exceeding my expectations, and even my basic understanding of how things works.

The weeks ahead will no doubt get far more intense, and the learning curve far steeper, but at this moment in time I am ready for it, and raring to go. 

Can't really go into too much more detail without running the risk of getting myself in trouble. However, given this blog is about me and my mental health, what I can say is I am in good spirits, feel like I am firing on all cylinders, and that I have surprised myself with my genuine confidence and engagement. It is not the exhausting, fake, OTT energetic anxious energy I once felt when in situations like this. 

Who knew I was cut out for this environment!
At least that is how it feels at the moment, so long live that feeling.

Commute at the moment isn't too bad, schools are out, so traffic is quite light. I am sure that could change come September, but if that is the case, then I will be on the bike in a flash where possible. I am planning to start doing some riding commutes when things settle, and I feel more comfortable of the surroundings. Where to lock the bike up, busy times for showers etc. 

Right, off for dinner and an early-ish night. Ready for Day 3

Published on Leave a comment on One more sleep…

Wow that came around quickly. Seems like only a few weeks ago I was filling out an initial application form for the control room position. Then like a flash of light, second round tests, online simulation testing, and onto a face to face interview at the operations centre.

I know I have said it a few times now, but I will say it again, the shock of getting the call to say I had been successful really blew me away. Especially as I missed the initial call, and only had a voicemail saying it was about the role I had recently applied for. If that doesn't sound like a set up for disappoinment, I don't know what is... Either way, it wasn't, so I was wrong lol.

The past few months, going through the security checks and referencing seem to have dragged, yet in the blink of an eye, here we are. Tomorrow morning I report for my first day. Parking is booked, clothes are ready, new shoes purchased. I'm ready!

I have a little man bag packed with a few essentials in it, just in case, and plan to be there nice and early in the morning. Way before I need to be. Can sit by the river with my headphones and a podcast or meditation.

Parking is in fact booked for the whole of the first week. I know how the next 11 weeks look, the breakdown is 3 classroom weeks Mon to Fri, then 2 weeks on shifts. Then back to the classroom for the next 6 weeks, before beginning my probation and being assigned to a watch. As I understand it, this will pretty much be the start of my permanent rotation with them.

Hours will be a 12 hr day, an 8hr day, a 12 hr night, then off. On a 3 on 3 off rotation. Tough I know, but I will cope.

Once again, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been along for the ride on this one. In January I was starting my 24th year with Fedex, by Feb I was going to interviews and trying to see what my future was. Now, hopefully, this is my future til retirement. A life long dream realised, and finally feeling like I will have a true purpose, and make a difference every day.

All the chats, advice, encouragement and words of support have helped me reach this point, so thank you all, and your actions hopefully will help me help others every single working day.

Watch this space for a hyper / exhausted first day report tomorrow.

Oh and one more thing.... Get this... While adding tags to this entry I realised something.... I'm nervous! That's not a negative, that's massively positive... I'm nervous, NOT anxious. I can tell the difference, it feels so different, I feel like a normal person, and am not eating myself up inside with anxiety. How about that eh.

Published on Leave a comment on When the going gets tough…

The brain gets going! And boy oh boy does it go into overdrive.

Short entry just to purge the brain before bed tonight.

The last couple of days have been strange. Long weekend prolonging the wait to get a reference from FedEx. Self doubt and imposter syndrome kicking in again making me believe that things won't work out and that I don't deserve them to. And a strange email from the prison service today really adding fuel to the fire.

As I understand it, things progress incrementally with the onboarding. Once one part is satisfied the next begins. So getting a notification for my medical was a good indicator that the reference has been received at least, and is hopefully satisfactory. But of course my doubt plays havoc with me, and I still believe there is a chance it won't be OK.

Then this afternoon I received an email from the prison service to say that after reviewing one of the tests they have decided that the application will not progress. Which is strange as the same test results were applied to each application. No idea why they have sent that, but it's not the first time they have sent weird emails only to correct themselves later. What a farce.

Obviously this plays nicely into the hands of my imposter syndrome, showing me not only do I not deserve the new role, but I also don't deserve the fall back role either.

Logical me doesn't believe this, but the voice before sleep is always the loudest.

So now I just get on with things, my employment with Fedex ends on Friday, then I become temporarily retired for a few months. Hopefully things will all start to fall into place soon. I have my medical early next month, which should trigger the DBS and final stage of onboarding.

Right, sleep time.

7

Published on 7 Comments on My new job is….

Back in January we were all told that we faced the possibility of redundancy. By Feb that had become pretty much a dead cert, so I looked at my options. 

Having worked for the company for 24 years, first as a courier for a couple of years, then into dispatch for the next 22 years, it was all a bit of a blur. No exams from school, only a couple of jobs, limited transferable skills, what on earth was I going to do next.

On speaking to friends, a few avenues opened up for me to take a look down. So from February til now I have been looking into some different roles and opportunities, applying for a few, and have secured in total, three different paths to consider. 

Bus / lorry driving. Something I have always liked the idea of, and a licence is a transferable skill, so can move around once there is some experience. Not the most glamourous job, but at the same time it is secure, pays OK, and affords me a little bit of freedom. There would of course be shift work involved, but I have had it good for a long time now, and am ready to get my hands dirty, and disrupt my routines a bit.

After an application and an assessment day, I was offered a role on the trainee bus driver apprenticeship  scheme. So that was an offer on the table straight away. Good start!

The next role took a few people I know by surprise. Prison Officer. 
When I started looking for other jobs, the one thing I really wanted to do was make a difference to peoples lives. No two days being the same, be more outgoing and engaging, and try and do something where I had a sense of fulfilment. Strangely being a prison officer would do just that. In fact I actually visited a prison earlier this week, to get a proper experience of what it was like to work in a prison. VERY interesting to say the least. 
Back in Feb I started the application process, and passed all the rounds of assessment. Subsequently I was given a provisional offer, and am currently awaiting a placement. 

And finally, in March another role was brought to my attention. 
Another exciting role, definitely ticks all the boxes, and I have to be honest, I had put my application in before actually looking at what the pay was for the role. To be honest, for me it is a dream role, but one I had less confidence in getting. Especially having already secured two offers in other roles. None the less I promised myself I would give it my best effort, and put in prep for the interview if I got that far.

As part of the application there was an opportunity to make your case, and say what you brought to the role. While writing it, it finally became apparent to me that I did have transferable skills after all, not only from FedEx, but also life in general. Of the 4,000 characters permitted for the document, I used 3,998, obviously! Then after a few days I received a congratulatory email, inviting me to the next round of assessment. This was a listen, extract and type exercise, and simulated taking emergency calls. It felt it went well, but again, out of touch with the world of jobs, I was unsure.

So imagine my surprise when I was invited to interview!! The final stage. This is where I really became confident I would not get it. Not that the interview went badly, I felt it went well. Just I am aware that a lot of people apply for it, and the chances felt very outside. However I was humbled to have reached that stage. That was last Thursday afternoon, and on me asking when I would hear back, I was told there was a process and it would be probably 2-3 weeks. 

On Monday afternoon I had a missed call, the message said it was the potential employer, so I called back. Given how soon it was since the interview, my immediate assumption was they were contacting the unsuccessful applicants first, before working through a short list.
I had already taken some deep breaths to prepare myself for the news. "Hi Michael, you recently applied for the role in the Control Room ....", here it comes. I took a moment and said in quite a calm and sombre tone, "oh yes, that's correct".
"Well I am pleased to tell you your application was successful, so would like to provisionally offer you the role"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt!!!! "I'm sorry, are you joking" I replied (not my finest moment).
"Haha no, you were successful, would you like to accept the offer?"

Don't have to ask me twice!
So that was that, three offers on the table. Driving, prison officer, or control room.

I guess all that is left is to say which I have decided to go with, and what role I chose.

Well, I am delighted to say that I have accepted the role in the control room, and am currently in the process of ticking the boxes and working towards a contract. This includes getting references from FedEx, although hens teeth would be easier to obtain right now. Apparently it has become policy for a lot of companies NOT to give any kind of reference beyond "yes they worked for us" these days. So one such reference will be sent to them next week, and then we see if that is sufficient, or if further leg work with FedEx is needed.  Thankfully HR have been great offering more support if needed. 

Then there is DBS checking, and a medical, both of which I am fairly confident will be OK.

All being well I will start the new job on August the 12th, a few days after returning from Florida. 11-12 weeks of training, some classroom, some live control room (observing), then a nine month probationary period. 
It is shift work with rolling hours from days through to nights, 3 on 3 off shift pattern.

So, as long as all goes to plan, I am provisionally a very happy and proud man. I feel I have finally found my true vocation, and am really excited about getting started. So in the meantime, pray for me that the three hoops are cleared without too much fuss. Watch this space for updates, but hopefully no upsets. 

Thanks for reading all that, I appreciate it. 

And a massive thank you to my close circle of friends who have been there for me with advice, an ear, and some confidence when needed throughout this whole journey of 2024. 

Published on Leave a comment on The first day of the future…

So, that came as a bit of a shock I have to say. Yesterday afternoon I got a call from recruitment at my number one choice of jobs, to say I had been successful in my application and that they would like to offer me the role, complete with a start date of August 12th. That is the date that my training would begin IF I accepted the role. After a moment of shock, and checking this was not a joke or a mistake, I expressed my delight (and surprise) and of course said I would accept the offer. 

Since that moment there have been a range of thoughts and emotions about the matter, as well as a lot of frantic planning to get myself sorted for that date. So let me run through some of them now,

Initially as I say I was pleasantly surprised, having come away from the interview feeling I had done my best, but having the niggling feeling that there would be a lot of candidates, and my chances were slimmer than some. Obviously I was wrong there, and this is one of those occasions I am happy to admit being wrong haha. The next step of course was to let those nearest to me know the outcome.So a barrage of WhatsApp messages were sent, as well as a couple of slightly cryptic social media posts. I am comfortable telling those closest to me all the details, but I assume like most, a little more guarded with details for the time being, "just in case, for the rest of the world.

After that, the next thought was more about money. From the start of the redundancy process I have been aware that I was getting a decent settlement, but that was a finite amount of money that would only last so long. Naturally I started looking for jobs immediately, and was fortunate enough to be offered a couple of them. One I could start when I was ready, another I passed all the interviews etc, but just needed to wait for a role to become available. Of course I had my redundancy buffer, so that was never a stress. Because of these opportunities, I have to say I have been lucky enough not to be in a position of panic or concern about the future in that regard. The only question was, what job out of the list I had would I decide to go with.

So a quick recap of the timeline of things. 
January we were told redundancies were possible.
End of Jan the first formal meeting discussing the possibilities.
Feb I started applying for jobs, and having interviews
March I had my first two provisional offers, with a 3rd on the table. 

By this point I was content that the roles available to me ticked the boxes of what I wanted to do moving forward, mainly "make a difference every day".

In April I was made aware of the role I have just accepted. After a bit of back and forth discussing it, and some deep thought, I decided that this was really a job I would love to do. It ticks all the boxes, it is something I think I am more than capable of doing, and the thought of getting it really excited me. So I put my application in. After a few days I got a notification of passing the initial sift, and going through to a simulation exercise to test abilities. I did that as soon as I could, and to my delight I received an email saying I had been invited for an interview. 

I had hoped for, but not expected to get through to the interview stage. A couple of weeks later in May I went to the interview (last week) and as we all know by now, got a call yesterday afternoon telling me I had been successful and was made a provisional offer, and given the start date. 

Now in the midst of all this, I had been quietly planning for worst case scenario, and having to go with my bottom of the pile job offer. The plan if it came to it was to take the summer off, go to the USA for a few weeks and get stuck into the new job in September. Given the level of my self confidence at times, I had been looking at flights, and kennels for mid August. They do say plan for the worst, hope for the best. 

So now getting this offer to start in mid August, the holiday plans need addressing. First port of call, contact the kennels and see if they can accommodate us for those dates. On the grand scheme of things, the holiday is something that can happen another time if need be, but it would be nice to hit the reset button before getting stuck into the 4th job of my life, and hopefully my last one. We shall see on that one.

One of the nicer things about having a clearer road ahead now is that I now have an idea of what is happening money wise. I know what my new income will be, I know what I will be paid in redundancy, so can plan ahead a little, and take the plunge on one or two things I have thought about. 

So back to the thought process. I spent most of yesterday researching the role a little more, seeing what my work / life balance looked like, and confirming a few things I was curious about. To be honest it is taking longer for it to sink in that I have got the job, than it did to accept I was being made redundant. I am still having daft thoughts about it now. 

Last night I went to bed and as my head hit the pillow I thought, "Michael is a common name, what if they picked up the wrong file and called the wrong Michael, and are now wondering how to tell me they made a mistake". Then it was mentioned to me about vetting and asking what level they do there. Obviously this has been something that has concerned me in the past too, so that got me worrying too. Again, no real reason for me to think I would not pass, but doubt shouts the loudest. 

I slept well, but was up early for a run this morning, and the first thoughts in my head were "imposter syndrome".. Do I really deserve this, did they really mean to call me etc.
It is important for me to say at this stage, I am not struggling, it is not bothering me much at all, but just instead a niggling voice of doubt in the back of my mind. I am sure as things progress, and I hear back with more info and details, I will feel more settled with it all, and most of all, believe in myself a little more. 

I am not panicking that I can't do the job, I am not worried I won't cope. I am confident with the actualities of the role, just guess I am still a little shocked. But honestly I think that is a good thing. I feel humble and "blessed" to have been afforded this opportunity, rather than cocky and over confident that I had it in the bag from the start. Anyone who knows me will know I would rather earn something on merit and feel I deserved it, rather than being given something I am "entitled to" on a platter. 

So, there we have it, the road ahead is starting to appear from the morning mist. From now til I start is 83 days. In that time I have my final day with Fedex in 10 days time, hopefully a trip to Florida in 65 days time, and I am sure a whole lot of information to process and absorb in the meantime. I don't know what will happen time scale wise with the new role, what I will hear and when, but know there are references to be done, and vetting too, so it will be an ongoing process until Day 1.

I am sure by next week I will be taking it all in my stride. But for now, I have a plan, I have a time scale of what I am doing next after leaving Fedex, so I can relax a little now, and enjoy the next 80 days or so.

So here's to today... The first day of my future.

 

Published on Leave a comment on It’s Official, redundancy…

After a couple of months of bumbling around, fumbling with information leaks, ignoring pleas for more information, to help the affected people make good, informed decisions, Fedex have finally confirmed they are making us redundant.  From the first meeting at the start of January we all knew the "process" would end this way. And it seems those in the know also knew this would be the case. With unofficial information coming from all directions, the writing was on the wall. Just not in the communications from the company.

Before I go any further I just want to make these points. My point of contact throughout this process has been respectful, supportive, and considerate from start to finish. Getting answers where possible, and always being available to speak to.
I would also add that the redundancy compensation package is above and beyond what statutory rights demand. And for that I am sincerely grateful. Sadly that is where the compliments end. 

It has been clear throughout that decisions were made long before they were communicated. And that is where the process for me really starts to fall apart. Now I am not going to get into the intricate details, and guess who at what level knew what when, but it is blatantly obvious from some of the leaks of information, the roadmap for the company etc, that things were known long before the end of last week.  In fact staff at other locations have been notified a few weeks prior, but even their demise was clear as day on the information available.

I think the bit that really bites for me is the absolute lack of consideration for peoples mental health. Hearing you "might" be made redundant, then being left hanging for months is poor. Especially when the most support you get is "here's a link to the EAP if you want to speak to someone". People didn't want comfort, they wanted answers. 
When can I start applying for jobs?
When will I be leaving?
Those were the main two I kept hearing over and over.  Even being made aware of someone who had panicked and found a new job, only to be told that as they were still in the consultation period, and not officially being made redundant yet, that if they left to start the new job, they would be treated as if they had resigned and receive no redundancy.

Now, call me daft, but most people on hearing they are going to lose their job, automatically start looking to secure a new job as soon as possible. The problem here of course is the time line. Having been told THREE months ago that we "might" be made redundant, and the announcement containing more than a hint of it being a certainty, some wise people, including myself dare I say, started looking for new jobs. The problem was of course that when the potential new employer said "great, you have the job, when can you start", your response was nothing more than a blank faced shoulder shrug, and a "dunno". It is not a nice situation to be in.

Having experienced it first hand a couple of times, being told with no solid available date, they could not advance the offer of employment, I can confirm its a shitty feeling. Both being at the will of a company who is making you redundant when they are good and ready. And of course to appear to be recklessly seeking work while having no idea when you can start. Added to that of course is the 12 week notice period. Again something some employers are not willing to even entertain. Now of course this 12 week period is flexible as it is the time the company is required to give employees. So if you needed to leave sooner, that could be discussed. 

The problem of course is, until last week the 12 weeks had not even started! So a lot of people have waited three months to be finally given the news they have been waiting for. 

Of course there are two sides to every story, and you have to at least consider the position the company are in. The whole transition of services from one depot to another, replicate over and over across the country has to be carefully planned. A logistical nightmare I imagine, and from an organisational standpoint, a massive task. The planning that has gone into the shift is mindboggling.
Then of course there is the rollout of it. Obviously the process started somewhere with someone and the first team affected by it. So of course giving notice like that has a ripple effect. The mere mention of redundancies shoots through a company like a shockwave, and regardless of "please don't tell others about this", it is inevitable. 

With this in mind, I get that there was a need to say something was early as they did. The problem of course is, from that point on, there was no information for a large number of people. From back office to customer facing, there are a lot of jobs affected by this move, and a lot of people were left hanging. We are all different people, with a wide range of circumstances, so there would have been tens of dozens of different reactions. I know for sure that a lot of questions were asked, by myself and others. And while most will assume the number one question was "how much", I can assure you the majority simply wanted to know when!

Again, from the companys perspective, telling hundreds of members of staff that they will not have a job from six months time is potential productive suicide. Knowing you could face a wave of resignations, mass sickness etc. So in that regard it has been a smart move. The masses waiting for their redundancy pay-outs, and only the expected few have decided to make the most of going sick. Of course I am sure this is due to the stress and anxiety caused by the news... Or maybe not?

The biggest issue for me all along has just been the when. Not the why, that is not my problem. The how much was simply a formality, and again due to leaks, it was obvious early on how much the pay-out would be, and I am certainly not complaining about the number.
I have to say, for the main part I have been very fortunate with the "when". With a few roles I have applied for either being fine with the delayed start date, or the recruitment process being so long, a start date would not be affected by the delay in being given notice by Fedex. 
I have certainly been luck in this regard, and even luckier to at this point be moving forward with two job offers presently, neither of which is impacted by the timeline. 

Having looked at it from the other side, from the company perspective, and respecting as much as I can the reasoning for the delay, I now want to look at from an alternative perspective of my own. One that is talked about in this blog a lot. The perspective of the anxious mind. 
Going back a few years there was another wave of redundancies, and even though it was quite swift, the process was very stressful for me at the time. Wondering what I could possibly do next with my life, rejected from employment after 20 years of service (at that time), to old to learn new things, financially insecure. It shook my world hard!
Thankfully I am in a much stronger position now, in all regards, but I can't help feel that there are some out there who are going through lows at the moment. I cannot imagine how that level of uncertainty feels over such a long duration, and can only hope that everyone else affected is strong enough to weather it. At least we have dates to work to now, and can actually start to plan.

Now that the clock is finally ticking down to zero, and we know when zero is, I feel.... Well I feel free!
That is the only way I can describe the feeling really. Soon my employment with Fedex will come to an end after almost a quarter of a century. I have worked for the company for almost the same length of time I had been alive by the time I came to work for the company. Half my life spent working for the same company, most of it with the same team too. 

Speaking of the team.... Haha, biting my tongue here, that can all come later, but rest assured there will be more relief than sadness when the last day comes. Let's park that there for the time being eh. 

So back to how I feel, and what comes next. Now I have dates to work with, my plan is to take some time off before starting anything new. Work on fitness, mental health and hitting the reset button before I start my next adventure. The jobs that are in the pipeline are not necessarily the ones I will end up doing, I am still looking at other options, and the time off will help me make my next move with confidence.  I have looked at a wide variety of jobs and industries, and only gone with the ones that interest or excite me. 

All I can say now is cheers for reading, here's to new beginnings, a new adventure for everyone, and wish the majority of my fellow colleagues all the best. There are of course exceptions to that, and they either know who they are, or are so oblivious to my feelings towards them, that it explains why I feel the way I do haha. 

Right, enough waffle, I have a life to plan. Take care all

 

Published on Leave a comment on Today was a good day…

In the words of Ice Cube!

I am usually pretty quick at writing entries when things are going wrong, or I feel like moaning about something. However the positive posts are fewer and further between.

So today I have decided to change that up a bit. As my previous entry said, not a lot is happening right now with the whole redundancy thing, and it was starting to grind my gears a bit. With a few irons in the fire, and waiting for things to fall into place really starting to drag me down a bit.

So today, I had a job interview /assessment day. And with no further bullshit or drama, I was offered a job. I am not going to go into details about it right now. A few people know, but for the time being it's just "a job offer".

In the grand scheme of things, it is not my first choice of role. However it is one I am more than happy to run with (or I would not have applied for it, duh!). Let's call it a favourable second choice.

The main thing here is, my first choice role is progressing, I have passed most of the necessary stages to get the role. However there are a couple of things beyond my control left to happen before everything falls into place. As I cannot be 100% confident that it will all work out, it is nice to have the 2nd place role secured as a fall back.

I even confirmed with them that I have a flexible start date, to allow for the uncertainty of the actual date of redundancy, and to allow me a little wiggle room for a breather between jobs when the day comes.

This is just the news I needed to settle things down  a bit, and give me a little reassurance that whatever happens now, I have a job to move onto. I have income, something to do that I actually interests me (either role for that matter), so I can breathe easy on that front at least.

Two months ago, just after we went back to work after New Years, we were told we were being made redundant.... Here I am now with two job offers, and dare I say I am still keeping my ear to the ground and looking for other options and ideas. Until the day I actually finish with my current job, I shall keep my eyes open for any opportunities that appeal to me.

I was actually offered an interview for another role last week, but the time lines just don't work for them at the moment, due to the 12 weeks notice period. But who knows, things might change and I might go after that one instead. It was actually a lot closer to home too lol.

So after a long day of tests, medical, assessments and travel, I came home to find the dogs had managed to get into the front room. Damnit lol.

Right, im going to bed. My brain needs to process and archive today.

Published on Leave a comment on So much NOT happening!

Good question, I was wondering the same myself to be honest, as at times I have lost it a bit. First of all I can't believe it has been over a month since I last wrote an entry here, that feels insane. And for my own sake, right now, is probably a little too long for my own sanity. Writing has always been the way I process things, and is the reason I always encourage others going through anything to do the same. 

Anyway, let's have a quick catch up shall we. Now, where do I start.....

Let's start with the fun stuff, the warm and cuddly kind. The puppy, aka Freyja, aka Monster, aka Snooty Toots, aka NO!!! Puppies are always hard work, even at the best of times, but I have to say she has really pushed some boundaries to say the least. House training... getting there, but still struggling a bit some days. Protest pees and poos when she is told off or not given the attention she wants. Occasional crying when we go out. This seems to be increasing at the moment, but is very much a random thing. Some days, 4 hours no problems. Other days, within minutes of walking out the door. Sometimes its a little moan. Other times it can last half an hour or so. And her latest trick, stealing and eating things. Silicone spatula, fish slice, oven mitt.... Just to name a few. On the plus side, it means the surfaces in the kitchen now are much clearer and cleaner. 

So yeah, that is a bit of a challenge right now, and has tested my patience of late. I won't say I am ashamed of being mad at her for it, just a little disappointed. However, with everything going on right now, she is kinda the straw that is threatening to break this camels back. Obviously with me being home for work all day (at the moment), I have a lot more time and experiences with the little shite than Ann does, so I guess it would be unfair to say I am dealing with the lions share, as it is just circumstances and not choices. All the same, some days it is exhausting me, mentally. Then when anything happens when we are both home, I get all precious and feel overwhelmed by it all. 

So I guess I better get to the juicy bits really. Starting with the big bit, redundancy.
I had my second consultation meeting yesterday, and was given a little more information on the situation. A settlement figure for the actual redundancy, a guide of how the timeline would go, and the opportunity to ask questions about the whole process. 

I think the important thing to clarify here is, although we were put on notice of possible redundancy in the second week of Jan. With the knowledge of course that it was actually certain redundancy, but there is a process and all, I know, I know. Either way, notice of the process beginning was given at that time. SO week two of 2024 we were given the notice. We are now on week 11, nine weeks later, and the second meeting has happened. Important to note that there was a first official meeting at the start of Feb.

Yesterdays meeting as I say had a bit more meat on the bones, however technically we have still NOT been officially made redundant, or started our notice periods. The carrot continues to dangle, the uncertainly continues also. What do you tell potential employers about your availability to start a new job. Just take a guess, ballpark it and hope it doesn't affect your redundancy pay-out? Some have decided on some interesting ways of dealing with this whole experience, as expected!

As it stands I now know what I will receive when the time comes. How long the notice period is (12 weeks) and that there MAY be a portion of that paid in lieu of notice. However at the moment I am setting my sights on having to work the full 12 weeks, so any days or weeks I don't have to is just a bonus. The timeline is a little confused by the way the roles at various locations are tapering off, with the last of them being about eight weeks away. The suggestion is (as expected) that there will be a handover period, and a passing of any relevant information or training required.  I guess we wait and see about that.

Now we get to the important part.....me! Me, me, meeee!
Obviously for the past couple of months I have been dipping my toe in the frigid waters of the job pool, seeing what is out there, considering what I can do, and trying to find roles that interest me. The most important thing is I want a sense of playing a part, being involved, and making a difference if possible. Of course I cannot be sure to what extent I can achieve those things, however I want to do something that allows a certain level of job satisfaction, much as my current role does. Being able to help a customer, impact on someones day, or even shape their future. Time will tell I guess. 

I have applied for a few jobs out there. One or two knock-backs, but more positive than negative responses. Having passed the application process for one role I am very interested in, I am just awaiting a provisional offer now, to continue the process. Hopefully it will not be too much longer before I hear back from them, and can accept, and then start the daunting process of references, medical, and vetting. *gulp*

A few other roles are still in the application process, with assessments due soon. I will see how they go, and adjust my horizons accordingly. Annoyingly the notice period, and leaving date from my current employer is not the only pinch point right now. With the waiting period for the primary role I want being quite a long one, that impacts my ability to accept others offers made in the meantime. It is out of my control, and could still all end in tears for me for that role. However I would rather delay making any other moves until I am sure of the direction the primary is taking. After all I am being paid redundancy, so have a certain cushion to allow me some thinking time. No point rushing into misery, just for the sake of securing A job.

All sounds a bit messy doesn't it? Which explains going back to my first point, why my brain is in a bit of a funk right now. The smallest things are turning into big deals, and I suspect that is due to some stress being caused by the other things going on. 

A quick recap at this point..

Puppy from hell terrorising me. Awaiting confirmed redundancy date from work. Awaiting provisional job offer from first choice role. Head in a funk caused by all the above

I think that summarises it nicely so far.

Now I have gotten all that out of my head and onto a screen, I can see what is going on, and how normal it is to be overwhelmed by little things. I think that is always the way, and some people would do well to understand and appreciate. When you feel there are little things bothering you, getting you down, and upsetting you, a lot of the time it is because you are dealing with something else far worse or demanding, and you are simply mentally exhausted. So the slightest little thing sends you over the edge or off on a mad one.

In short I have a load of really important stuff happening all at the same time. Uncertainty, insecurity, confusion and curiosity to name but a few. I am temporarily out of control of my life, and that is not something I am familiar with or comfortable with, so it makes sense that I feel the way I do.
In the meantime I am trying to focus on keeping myself sane, practising mindfulness whenever the opportunity allows. As well as trying to get a grip of my fitness and physical health for whatever may lay ahead of me. I would like to start whatever role I go into with the best possible fitness, and the outlook to improve on it from here on in. 

Hopefully the next few weeks will see some certainty return, and the road ahead will become a little clearer. One thing I can say wholeheartedly is that whatever the next step is for me, I am ready for it, "excited" for the change, and looking forward to learning new skills, and doing new things. 

Now I just have to hope and pray that the poop machine of a puppy can get her act together in the next 3-4 months, and that we can go back to them being OK being left alone for a while each day. Guess I better get practising with all that. 

Thanks for reading, and if you are one of the people I have leaned on recently for a little sanity check, and venting session, thank you so much for taking the time to be there for me, you know I am here for you too.