That is what my mother told me earlier today. I went to tell her that I was going out to catch up with an old friend for lunch, jokingly saying "I'm abandoning you for the afternoon", so was a little taken aback when she replied that she felt I HAD abandoned her, and had not been around for weeks! WTF seriously?
She didn't laugh afterwards, so I can only assume there was a certain aspect of seriousness to her comment, which is both worrying and upsetting. Yes I have taken time out at weekends recently, and had some space from the routine I have been in for 3 years now, but abandoned her I have not. Shopping, arranging, medicating, cleaning etc is still all part of my role.
So I have asked my sister to take a more active role recently, spending more time with mum, taking the leading role with medical interventions etc, but I'm still there all the time. Somewhere along the line something has gone horribly wrong if this is how she truly feels.
Just as things were starting to make more sense, just as my mind was starting to settle into a routine with these new, precious respite breaks, and all of a sudden it seems I have done wrong by her. My feeling on the matter was that the break was doing us all some good. Mum not putting up with me all the time, me getting time out, and Paula getting time in. But what makes me wonder is why she has not said anything sooner. Maybe it was a joke after all, just badly delivered... Maybe she has just been waiting for the right time for me to drop myself in it.
Either way I am left a little confused now (nothing new eh) and wondering how to tackle this. Sitting on the train, blogging away looking weird, and trying to fathom out the best approach to it. I think a simple straight question will do the trick really, but not looking forwards to it if she is serious.
Maybe I'm just over sensitive to it all and need to take my chill pill, maybe there is something there I need to address with her, who knows eh.
So in the next hour I will find out if I am the outsider now, or if indeed it was all a bad joke. I hope so!
Either way I think we should have "the chat" about my time away, and I should make sure she knows how important it all is to me right now, and how much of a difference it is making to me being able to cope with my life right now. One of us is about to find out a truth, so let's see how it all pans out.
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