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Desperate

Over the past few months, with everything going on  in the world, and so much change afoot, I was sure I could make a change myself. Get myself back on track, and get weight and fitness under control. 

Since the start of the pandemic I have really become a recluse. Even before it all started, I had only ridden outside on a bike ONCE by March. Obviously this is the polar opposite of what I would usually be doing. However nothing seems to have managed to get me motivated to change that. 

When lockdown started it was a great excuse not to go out, so early days I got stuck into lots of Zwifting (indoor cycling). Decided to move over to do some running, but determined not to over do it, I stopped cycling, started running and mixed in some other training too. After a month or so a few aches and pains had me stop for a week.... Since then, I have done very little. Other than eating that is. 

Right now I am desperately trying to find the motivation I need to get me back to my happy place. Not the levels of fitness I have seen 5-6 years go, but just a little less timber, and a little more get up and go. But alas, it's nowhere to be found. 

The reason this entry is on this blog and not my other one is simple, this is all in my head. I am lost without a routine, and right now I am in the middle of nowhere. I know I am battling myself here, there is no other reason for it. I'm not "lazy" as such. I have been doing plenty of other things to keep myself moving and upbeat. I'm not depressed and not really anxious. I dodged that bullet a few weeks ago I think. 

But as with most things about me, my greatest enemy, my most fierce opponent is myself. The ability to give myself all the drive I need to do something. Talk a great talk, make a great plan.... Then talk myself straight out of it with some bizarre excuse. This is no exception, and right now I have plans in my head on how I am going to "snap out of it" as some would suggest. How that actually materialises of course is another matter. 

As I have said before, I need a gentle approach, to get back to a routine. Back on the bike and start getting some miles in. Then of course there is the social distancing thing. How to deal with that when you are out in the wild on a bike. A biff should do the trick I reckon, so that is my plan. A few local miles on the bike, every day next week, before work, almost like a commute. 

Then there is food, something I am doing very badly with at the moment, but again , determined that I need to change that too. Too much junk z not enough goodness, that has to change, and indeed when the last shop was ordered, I cut right back on the junk. Limit portions, choose wisely, and exercise... What could possibly go wrong.... Well, place your bets!

Here's to a few miles on the bike tomorrow, in the wild! 

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