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Another day, another dollar less!
No car again today, so limited to walking everywhere. Which doesn't seem to bad until you figure in that its just over 1.5 miles to the home, 3/4 of a mile from the home to the park I'm now currently sitting in with mum, then the same again on the way back. That's followed by walking the dogs to 'de-stress' believe it or not, so that about another 6 miles. Then after lunch I have to walk back to the home.... All with Gout! Lol

The chances of unwinding right now seem pretty remote, as much as I like the idea, its just not going to happen. Each morning at the home being the same, complaints, upset, confusion, discussion, disagreement, compromise. Today for example, on my arrival mum was complaining that they hadn't given her the right meds again, and were still refusing to let her have her proper amount of sleeping tablet. Leaving her unable to sleep, and distressed. They also won't leave her alone, daring to being her food and drinks, as well as medication and being there to help with the toilet and cleaning. God forbid!

Ok I guess it must be a bit annoying having people coming and going, but its really no different to home, with being checked on etc. But when all is said and done, the list of "oh she is lovely" candidates is endless, with mum singing them all praises. Food still scores highly, even though they apparently bring her the wrong thing, it still fills a gap nicely.

After me being there for half an hour today the doctor came in, mum chatted to her about some of her issues, and also complained the door closes too loudly, so the registered GP is dealing with that! We went through the prescribed meds, and identified a few things that could be causing confusion. Mum still insists that she is on three sleeping tablets, but this remains as its normal one Zopiclone. After getting bored of talking to the GP mum called an end to the consult, so I took a few mins to chat with the GP myself. Bringing her up to speed with the normal 'change of environment' situation with mum. So hopefully we are all singing from the same page now.

In the meantime, with all this attention and fuss surrounding mum, I'm starting to feel like an outsider or something. Still trying to come to terms with certain things like the impending doom of the work situation, finances and needing to work out who I need to speak to about benefits and help with other things. No car doesn't help. Just leaving me feeling trapped and confined to certain places, people and actions. For the first time ever I think it feels like the walls are slowly closing in on me. Reducing me to a confined space. Its not panic stations, no padded room required. Its just circumstance that is cutting off my options. Mental state, lack of money, no reduction in sense of responsibility to mum etc, its a bad recipe.

What I need to do is find my way back up the hill, a way out of this maze of confusion. Once I have spoken to the benefits people maybe I will be able to relax a little more. But where to start? Its a minefield, and one I have never traversed before, so I don't even know the way in.

I hold out a hand here, looking for guidance, support and assistance in what the hell to do next. In the meantime, the smiling face remains up front, the 'all is well' signs are showing, and I continue to offer any help to others that I can.

Thanks for reading



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