So it's been a full week now that I have been taking the medication, and I am settling into a dulling of the mind for sure. I have been thinking about writing an entry for a day or two now, but the usual paragraphs that just appear in my head have not manifested. The train of thought that usually builds the structure is nowhere to be found. Instead there is a kangarooing of the brain. Stop start judder judder judder as I try and put sentences together without first writing them down, which is what I am trying to do here.
Sleep is improved, over thinking is near on impossible, but then unfortunately so is thinking in general. Can't dull one without the other, and that's a problem! The past few days I have floundered a bit, trying to build a routine I can stick to. Struggling to get things done, and I reach the end of each day with a list of things I didn't achieve. "Write a list" they say... Sure, if that's your thing, do that, but the normal me doesn't need a list, I just remember. And I honestly don't see why the hell I should adapt to living like this, to be able to work day to day without crippling anxiety. I was fine before, but now I'm left deciding which I want.
Anyway, that's all a bit deep isn't it. In other news, Ann has Covid, I as of yet have avoided it, but think it's inevitable that I will get it in the next few days. Til then I am trying to stay active, get some riding done, and keep the brain working the best I can. Had a great ride today, just nice, gentle and enjoyable. The best kind.
I have a CBT session tomorrow morning, the first of the course, and once again my score of the test will be very different to last week. I have gone from low to high to low again, so that should get an interesting response. There is of course a good reason for that. Speaking of which, after sending my sick certificate to work today, I pushed for a meeting re what on earth is going on, and am happy to say I have a meeting on Thursday morning with my manager and HR (I believe). Progress, we shall see.
Right, I better get to bed and rest this dull, hollow head of mine. Told you I can't think or write! Pfft.