I do a lot of thinking, and a whole bunch of talking, be it on IM, in this blog, or occasionally face to face, but I can't really say I do a lot of thinking about the talking and communicating I do, other than "did I waffle on for too long". However occasionally I get feedback in some way, shape or form. Be it a comment on a blog entry, or in a message chain. I never take for granted anything I have said will have any sort of profound impact on someone, or even that it will make any sense. I do have a tendency to get a little abstract with my way of thinking and talking at times. You might have noticed.
The one thing I will say is that everything I say or write is always with intention and purpose. Wait... Did I just quote Justin Bieber song titles there!!!
But seriously, I speak from the heart and mind. My aim is never to pretend the world it perfect, or that people are saints. I like to try and find a balance between what someone needs to hear, and the cold hard truth. False hope is cruel, and just prolongs the situation for longer than it needs to. When I write a blog entry I want to share my experiences and journey with others to try and show that life is never smooth. It is filled with highs and lows, challenges and rewards, adversity and opportunity. However you want to phrase it, it's just not simple. My hope is that people will come away from an interaction with me in any form with a little strength and courage to carry on down the road, knowing better times are ahead, and that we can all overcome issues we face in our lives.
Sure we might have to take a different path to the one we hoped to walk, but where there is a will there is a way. I am always so happy and even overwhelmed when I realise that I have made a positive difference to someones life, no matter how tiny. Over the years I have heard from people from all sorts of situations and walks of life, saying how a blog post made so much sense, or how their past conversations with me one day made something seem a little less lonely and frightening.
However, I want to talk about yesterday now. In the morning I headed out for a ride to meet two dear friends in separate locations for coffee and a chat. Long overdue, and just what the doctor ordered.
At around 9.30, while sitting having my first round of coffee and cake for the day in Southwark, I received a message on WhatsApp from a lovely woman I know. Now, first things first, she is a very special little thing, and has been through a lot in her life, so I always check messages ASAP with friends like this. Seeing it was a voice note I was keen to know its content. However it also seemed a little rude to play it out loud while chatting to a friend. So I turned the volume down, and put it up to my ear. Hearing a soft and happy voice, I was relieved it was not anything bad and that she didn't need my help. So I paused it there and carried on with my chat.
A little while later when I left that location, my intention was to listen to it again, however I got caught up finding my next friend en-route to me, and completely forgot. I wasn't until I got home later in the afternoon that I remembered and sat to listen to it. Hearing the first part over again, I smiled hearing her happy voice, and the meaning of the date to her. As the message progressed and became more intentional and personal a wave of emotion washed over me. Something I have to say I am not familiar with at all, but it felt wonderful. I won't go into detail about the message, but will say it was so very personal and touching, and I will be keeping it forever, and listening to it when I feel low. Hearing such appreciation, and such an honest and raw "opinion" (if that's the right word) of how they view me and my life was deeply touching, and meant the world to me. So thank you so much you wonderful woman, for making me smile from the inside out. I know it seems a little egotistical to feel that way about someone singing your praises. However it was more about knowing that what I do, say, and write actually matters, and that means the world.
I felt really bad after hearing the message, that I had left it SO long to hear the whole thing, and respond. Here was someone laying it all out there, and paying me such a huge compliment, and I waited all day to even give it the time of day. However, it was only the happiness and feeling of security that the start of the message gave me, that allowed me to leave it that long. Had it been anything else, I would have given it my full attention. That goes for anyone who reaches out to me, you will become my NUMBER ONE priority in your moment of need, just as soon as I get your message. I might not immediately answer a call, I might not see your message straight away, but the second I do, if you need me, you have me.
It appears I was on a bit of a roll yesterday, and another thing I had said to someone else also made sense, and they expressed their gratitude for that too so, go me !
So what this blog entry is really about is gratitude. I am thankful for receiving the voice message, and it has renewed my desire to put it all out there, be honest and open about my life, in the hope that my journey resonates with others who can take some comfort from it, or that my openness gives people the confidence to speak to me about other things, things I may not have experienced, but my opinion means something to them. Over the past six months or so I have continued to learn more and more about myself. Acceptance of my limitations, aware of the difference between dreams and goals, and most importantly, what a difference, one person, one conversation, a single moment in time can have on our lives. I love sharing these moments, and my goal in life is to be a part of as many peoples moments as I can. And leave a positive mark on peoples lives whenever we interact.
Thanks for reading.