... I have been signed off sick!
Progress with the situation at work has ground to a halt, the discussions are non existent, and the answers are nowhere to be found. Even after getting all the support in the world from OH after being sent there by HR, the follow up meeting to discuss the report and where we go from here has simply just not happened.
I have no idea who to blame, each party seems to be waiting on something from someone else. In the last conversation I had, we discussed the overall WFH situation for the whole work group, but the call was cut short from a bad connection, and we never got around to moving on to my specific case. The weekend has really been a rough one, with over eating, under exercising, and simply not being myself. So when today came around, with the review with the GP, I was just as honest as I could be.
Having not stuck to taking the meds, and choosing to go it alone for a while, I was told it was commendable, but maybe time to take them, at least with a lower dose to start with. And also that time off may be beneficial to my state of mind, so to begin with I have been signed off for two weeks.
I have had a couple of email exchanges with work today to try and push the OH report along a bit, and maybe get an indication of when we are going to sit down and discuss it, but nothing of any substance has come of it. So when speaking to the GP, I expressed how crappy I was starting to feel, and a sense of hopelessness was creeping in, she felt a break was a good thing. Give me time to get back on the ground, and give work time to see what they are going to do next.
It feels UTTERLY shit to be signed off sick, defeated, overwhelmed and pretty fuckin sad to be honest. I have spent years trying to keep myself on the level, I have done so well for so long, yet here I am after what has felt like a really good run, spiralling down, caught up on the whole situation with work, which is dragging me down. There is a sense of relief, but at the same time a sense of failure too. Not to mention that I wonder now if I am going to hear anything from work, or if they too will use it as breathing space, and do nothing til my return to work date. Who knows.
The over active, anxious mind can be a prick at times, and even in this moment where I should be feeling some relief, I am left worried and anxious about what is going to be said, how I will be perceived, and if any progress will be made on my OH situation. I can't win, I really can't.
Well, that's a bit of a lie really, I would feel a hell of a lot better if work would get a move on and tell me what is going on.
Is it really that big an ask? A follow up on a report that was sent over three weeks ago? I have read it, I know what it suggests and recommends. I have talked it through with the OH doctor, and understand fully what she wants to see happen. It is there in black and white, for whoever to read, digest and act upon. But no, for some reason this has not happened. It leaves me feeling a mixture of anger and frustration right now, and one I don't think is going to change until I hear something back.
It's all very well having been given time off, but if I return to the same situation, what exactly has the time off achieved. Some breathing space sure, but time alone with your own thoughts is not always a good thing, certainly not for me anyway.
Keep your fingers crossed that I hear something back soon. If I don't I will just go round the frickin twist in the next two weeks.
Thanks for reading.