This is a strange and frustrating entry to write for sure. I have reached a point where nothing is happening, I am trapped in limbo, and I don't have a clue what is going on around me. I think a little background might help, or you will quickly become as confused as I am.
A few weeks ago, at the companys request I had a consultation with an occupational health specialist. This was to discuss my issues with anxiety and how they affected me with respects to returning to working from an office. It was something I was quite happy to do, felt it was part of a process of understanding and adapting, so was very open and forthcoming in the consult.
I have in fact written a whole entry about this, but due to the matter being ongoing, it remains unpublished at this time, out of respect to those still dealing with it. But here lays the problem. I am still unable to publish it, as after three weeks of the assessment and report being written, I have heard nothing... NOTH-ING !!
Part of the problem is totally excusable, I myself have had a week off, my line manager had two weeks off, and the HR rep had some time off. None of us have been off for the entire three week period though. While I was off I did keep checking my email in case HR had contacted me, but nothing. On returning to work I thought I would give everyone a few days to get their feet under their desks, read and absorb the report and get back to me... Nothing.
Yesterday I heard from Lewisham IAPT following my assessment with them, and they have fast tracked my case, and I begin CBT in a weeks time. Fantastic news, and something to update HR and my manager with, as it is all part of the same issue, and for transparency it helps to know what is happening. Email sent, and within a short time I get a reply from HR saying its great news I am getting treatment, however they are no longer my rep and they have copied in the new one... WTF !! You got the report three weeks ago, have seemingly done nothing with it, and now I am simply passed on. Raging!
So I emailed the new rep, saying I was wondering if they could give me an update on the case. I received a reply this morning which translated read "I know nothing about this, let me get some more information on this and get back to you". It actually asked me to confirm who I saw for my OH appointment and said they will get back to me. But for my over active anxious mind, my translation is far more applicable. I am beyond frustrated, and heading towards a level of anger that a case of anxiety is being dealt with in such an ironic anxiety inducing manner. THREE WEEKS and nothing, then little more than a "huh!".
Now, I know I am being a little rude here, my timid mind says I am being impatient, but I know that in reality this has been dealt with badly. I have a copy of the report, I have read the recommendations, I know there are no grey areas in there, or things which need clarifying or interpreting. I am fully aware of what SHOULD happen next, but the delay and lack of communication just makes it feel like there is plotting going on, and that they are trying to screw me over somehow.
On finishing the assessment then receiving the report my mind relaxed a bit, and some weight shifted from my shoulders. A feeling of accomplishment, that I had gotten through a tough stage, but things would seem smoother from here. But that has all gone down the pan by the absolute lack of communication.
The report was requested by HR. OH stated the report was to be written to HR. Reading the report it is addressed to HR. The same HR who asked me to speak to my line manager and not them moving forward from the initial contact. Now, buck passed, files pushed off the desk, passed over to someone else who has clearly not been brought up to speed with my situation. But hey, don't worry, it doesn't affect my life !!
Well, newsflash, it does, and it IS! The past couple of days, especially since the nonchalant brush off, my mind has been all over the place, head in a spin, and I am left trying desperately to focus on other things.
All because the ball has been dropped.
Following a flurry of emails from me to all parties concerned, and some above, I have head back from my manager, and hope to have a meeting with him later on today, so I can at least say where I am, how it is affecting me, and find out what is happening moving forwards. Behind the scenes, god knows what is going on, but I hope it is productive, as I really can't carry on like this much longer.