Author: Michael Snasdell

Sometimes you are never going to achieve what you set out to,  and have to accept that it will never be the reality you once hoped. Its not about giving up,  but more about compromising for the sake of sanity.

I have a few recent examples of this in my own life right now and am slowly starting to realise the right thing to do is let them go, or deal with them another way.

I like to think that I don't set out to make things awkward and complex,  but it often turns out that my expectations of others involved were far too high.

Right now, this very second I am flailing like a drowning man, so close to shore,  but just out of reach, and my cries to throw a rope go unheard or ignored.

Rising above the matters dragging me down are the only way I will stay afloat,  so that is what I am trying to do. Such simple things as the decorating of the bathroom, a clerical error on a recent bill, and keeping up to date with bills is killing me from the inside now.

So at times like this I turn to yoga, p90x and any other distractions I can find.

Im so close to the finish line right now, just a few more metres.  Must stay strong!

So fed up have I become with the work of some of the contractors L&Q use
that I resigned myself to just accepting whatever came next.

And quite frankly that's probably a good thing. I have just spent another
day at home for a contractor to finish decorating the bathroom. Some minor
repairs and some painting, walls, skirting and window frame.

As usual the pictures are included in the blog. Needless to say, once you
have seen them you will understand that I am just going to do it myself now.

It was booked as a 4 hour job, 3 has been spent on it. Colour had to be
changed as could not be matched, but I can live with that part. As for the
rest of the job. Quite frankly SHITE! To think it was done by a
'professional ' is quite worrying to be honest.

Window frame still a mess from the plasterer skirting behind the sink still
totally unpainted, cracked chunks of plaster painted over, damage to the
wall painted over, paint on the white ceiling, sealant painted over leaving
a nasty effect, patchy coverage of new colour, and moisture bubbles already
starting to show.

So its simple, I will get the job done myself!
I previously raised the issue of compensation with L&Q and it now seems all
the more likely I will be pursuing this.

Yours sincerely
Pissed Off

As this week has gone on, the end of the trip has seemed more and more daunting, until finally now the moment has arrived.
After quite a few years of trips to Wales to see relatives at different houses for many a different occasion, by train, coach and car, today sees the final return journey from a family residence. Once I board the train for London this evening I know that I will never return to Wales again to see a close relative in their home. Today marks a very sad day for me, as I walk away from 14 Willow Close, I know I will never return to it as a home ever again, and instead I will return to a vacant house to collect what remains of the families possessions, and to remove the last personal touches from the house.

Over the years, leaving the house in Florida has become harder and harder, calling an end to a holiday, and returning to the UK to the normality of day to day life is never easy, especially when the house has become almost like a second home over the years. Each time we load the car up for the last time, my heart sinks, and sadness waves over me.

But that is nothing in comparison to what I am feeling right now. I actually dont want to walk out of that door right now. I am sitting at the dining table writing this entry, with my aunts lounge behind me. Knowing that for years she would be sitting here with me, and now she is gone. Saying goodbye to someone is hard enough at the best of times, but this is a whole different level. I have spent the past 24 hours going through the house, digging out keepsakes, heirlooms, and finding some amazing memories. Deciding what I will take back to London with me, and what I can give a good honest home to, rather than keeping it for the sake of being sentimental.

As I look around the room, I can almost hear distant echos of the conversations I have had during numerous visits. Bringing various guests with me, all who added a little spice to the conversation, and kept the visits different, in the best possible way. Laughter, discussion, debate, and even deep emotional conversation, like the visit when I first broke the news to Joan that mum had cancer. The same visit where Joan told me SHE had cancer also. Tough times, but I would live them all again to not have to be doing what I am doing right now.

I can never treasure every possession that Joan and Glyn had, and look after it in the way which Joan has over the years. Nor can I take every item. Yes my home is bigger than this one, but being practical has its place. Common sense has to prevail over sentiment at times, and this is one of those times.

So Joan, I hope that my decisions meet your approval, and that I cause no offence to you or the family legacy in the decisions I have made here this week. It was my pleasure to have played such a role in the recent years of your life, and will miss you every day. As I have grown older, losing mum, other friends, and now Joan, I have slowly begun to appreciate relationships, and the time we all have together. The time we are gifted to make a difference in peoples lives before we leave. I stand tall with pride knowing that my aunt was a popular and well loved woman, who had a great live, changed the lives of many around her, and leaves a void in her passing. I hope that one day I can be one tenth the person she was, and have a similar effect when I depart.

So the clock is ticking, and the time for my train is fast approaching. The final walk of the house is done, arrangements made for the articles I will be taking to be kept until I return for them. The house has fallen silent now, and the only sound is my breathing, and each keystroke. So it feels like it is the right time to call it a day. Say farewell, and take my last glimpses at a home that holds so many dear memories for me.

I wish I could express myself a little better right now, but at this moment my thoughts are choked up.

Thank you Joan Hughes for the great memories, and the knowledge you have given me over the years.
Farewell Willow Close.....

The end of an era 🙁

So I thought now that the moment has passed, and the whole episode has been finished, I decided I would share my eulogy which read at the funeral today.

I tried for two weeks to find the right words, many attempts just seemed fake.. then this just came to me. I know very few of you will understand much of the content, but I wanted to put this online for my reference for the future.

Joan Hughes

I want to start by thanking everyone here for joining us today to remember the life of an amazing woman.

We will all have our own memories of Joan in so many different capacities, from a close and dear friend, aunty, neighbour and maybe even to her role as a civil servant of which she was so proud. A role that would go on to truly structure her life, and make Joan without a doubt one of the most organised and structured people I have had the pleasure of knowing. Sadly this wasn’t a quality that rubbed off on me.

Memories time spent with Joan go back as far as I can remember, our times at Northop Hall when mum, Joans sister would bring me and MY sister up for the summer holidays and Christmas. It was during these holiday visits that I first experienced something that anyone who dined with Joan would have known of her ability to cut bread almost paper thin, a sight that has stuck with me throughout life, and a feat I am yet to be able to replicate.

Each trip to Wales would always be an adventure for us, seeing exciting places, going for drives, and most memorable, time spent in Chester. Travelling to meet Joan with mum was an adventure in itself, and would always end by leaping off the train at the station and running to see Joan, always waiting with that big beautiful smile across her face standing by what ever pride and joy car she was driving at the time. Fun awaited, but it was always a surprise.

Summer holidays would see Joan take us to the city centre, and one thing was for certain lunch would be courtesy of Marks and Spencers, and would usually be taken by the canal. There we would all sit, making an awful mess of our hands faces and clothes. Maybe I should be a little clearer, by we I mean my sister and I, and not the always immaculate Joan, nor her equally proud sister, mum.

Visits to the house were memorable also, with so many things to see and do. Without a doubt, any visitor to any of Joans houses would have known one character, the little feathered friend better known as Cheeky. Always so full of song, and happy to have a flutter around the lounge while you sat there. Cheeky was another stone in Joan’s life, and brought so much companionship, joy and of course interaction with the line of ‘whos a cheeky boy then’ delivered by Joan in the hope of a reaction. Cheeky would usually oblige without

In later years, our trips to Wales became less frequent, and for a while the attachment and association was lost. But with the arrival of a driving licence, something I had wanted as far back as my memory serves, thanks to long drives with Joan and Peggy, I was able to rekindle the relationship.

My occasional trips to Wales would always result in a visit to see Joan, and usually unannounced. As I am sure Chris can testify, the welcome would always be so full of joy and happiness. Maybe I imagined that part, but im sure within the sarcasm of the welcome, Joans feelings were the same as mine. Connected, at one with someone I cared deeply about.

As an adult, conversations in later years were very varied, with curiosity and interests in things as far afield as nature and current affairs, conversations, discussions and indeed some time debates could run on for hours. Often starting out by reminiscing about distant memories of paddling in streams, running along beaches, or as I was frequently reminded, of my temper tantrums as a child. Not that I recall being anything other than angelic.

In the past few years Joan has reminded us all im sure, of who she really was. So organised and caring, making sure all around her were in good health, and taken care of. Never for a moment thinking of herself while there were still others to care for. Even over the past year or so, while trying to make a fuss of Joan, it would end up with roles being reversed, and the carer would become the cared for before you realised what was going on.

I have only touched on the very surface of who Joan Hughes was, to me at least. One thing I do know for certain is Joan was the kind of person you cant just simply forget, and I am sure her memories and stories will live on for generations yet. I am sure others here today also have some great stories to tell, and I look forwards to hearing some of those.

For now though, I rest peacefully knowing that Joan is back with her family, her two dear sisters Mary and Ann, and her mother and father Mary and John Lunt. The 3 sisters from Tan Lan are finally reunited, but their memories will live on with us all for many years to come.

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

I have returned to Wales after the passing of my Aunt Joan,to pay my respects, offer my thanks, and to deal with some of the formalities of the matter. As previously agreed between myself, Chris the carer and her husband Dyfrig who is both an undertaker and an executor of the will.

So first things first, its Monday morning, first working day since Joan left us on Sat 23rd. Todays agenda is as follows. Get the medical certificate from the home and make arrangements with the Registry office in Llandudno to officially register the death, and get the numerous copies of the certificate that everyone seems to want a GENUINE copy of. I know the appointment in London took a few days to arrange for mum, so not sure what the availability will be here.
Shortly after typing this I made the call, and made an appointment, 1.30 this afternoon it will be 'official'.

After that is arranged, next up is to contact the solicitor for any legalities to be undertaken, such as the estate etc. Im not sure yet if this will be a simple phonecall or will require a meeting of sorts. I have the correct attire in case this is the case.

Once the legal stuff is out of the way, the task of getting the finishing touches to the arrangements for Joan beings, and first up is the date to be set for the funeral. Thankfully Dyfrig having insider info helps, so we can work together there to get a suitable time and date for everyone to manage. With people travelling from afar time needs to be allowed for their arrangements too. At the moment we are looking early next week for the funeral.
When the date is set, then its onto the arrangements for the day, the order of service document, getting that typeset and into print, and then the bit I am dreading the most, the eulogy.

Not sure if I am the best person to write and read such a passage as my timeline with Joan is peppered with holes and gaps. But I will sure give it a good go, and will start to write something this afternoon, once I have got a rough idea of what goes. I always imagine them to be almost like a best man speech, not that I have done one of those either but you know what I mean.  I have plenty of stories to tell and memories to share, some going back to single digit ages for me. I am sure I will find the right words and format when the mood takes. Then there is delivering it.... eeek!

I know a lot of the plan is all in place, everything is paid for, the arrangements for coffin, flowers etc are all as Joan wished, and were organised by her over 2 years ago when she first knew she had terminal cancer. So in a funny way, thank you Joan for being so organised, and saving everyone the stress of getting things right or wrong. We shall not worry as we know your choices are as you wished.

Again, in between typing, we have got a date set for the funeral now, which is Tues 12th March. That seems an eternity away to me, but I have to respect the wishes of others involved, and to allow for the movement of people. So thats that for now.

Back later with lots more to say, and maybe even get started on a eulogy.

Have a good day.

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

So I shall check with the nurses before I leave to see if there is anything I can do before I leave again, then off to see Chris and hand over the baton. She is coming here in a while to help with Joan's tea to see if she will eat a little. I might come back with her and just wait outside this time.

Til next time.....

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

Over the past few days I guess its been fair to say that I have been a little distracted, for all the right or wrong reasons, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that now my brain is back on this planet, and its time to get back to my own life and goings on.
Things have been a little up in the air recently, some moments of uncertainty and indecision, all sorted on one single day which offered perfect clarity for almost all matters.
In one 24 hour period everything has settled and once again makes sense, unlike this blog entry so far I hear you say. I shall explain a bit.
Some decisions were being made about the short to mid-term arrangements in my life, with job offers flying around, things could have changed at home in a moments notice. This wasnt to be the case in the end.
At the same time, still talking about home, things reached a head with the L&Q situation, with me finally having enough and contacting them to say I WILL be seeking compensation for the way this whole bathroom issue has been handled, and how long it has dragged on for. Surprisingly I received an email straight back, and a call the following morning to say they were coming to start the rectification works (which so far now look great apart from them chipping the bath, small details)
Then there is the big one, my aunt. Having planned to call her carer yesterday evening, I was beaten to it, and instead received a call from her carer. 'Nothing to worry about Michael' started the conversation, always a worry to hear that ironically.
The next half an hour filled me in on the important issues,which all came together to mean one thing... Aunty Joan has had to go into a care home.
Her recent decline in health and mobility have caused problems for her around her house, and even with her primary carer Chris, and her appointed carer from an agency, they were not able to manage in the way that was needed. No disrespect to them, they have done a fantastic job to date, well Chris has anyway. So thank you Chris for all your hard work up until this point.
I know she feels disappointed and that she has let Joan down, but this isnt the case at all, if anything she has kept Joan going for far longer than anyone expected.

But with a couple of falls, and not being able to support her own weight, the decision was made that it was time for some proper around the clock care for Joan, which is a relief to all.
Sadly with this, Joan's moral has taken a knock. After recent weeks of decline in health, ,she has now reached the stage mum got to, and is now wishing it would all just be over. As I said with mum, I will say again now. There is a fine line between wanting someone to live forever, and respecting that their quality of life drops beyond a point, and you can appreciate the wishes of a dying relative when they feel they have lost control of their once independent lives.

With this in mind I have decided it is time to pay a visit and maybe stay a few days up in Wales,and see what help, comfort and support I can offer to Joan and Chris at this time, and see that all is well with Joan. That she is happy and represented by a family member. Someone she can tell anything to, and if she is unhappy with anything, or wants anything that Chris cannot do (I doubt this is the case, but options are always good), then I will be there.
Of course I am not suggesting this is near the end, nor that I want it to be, but I just want to be close by to do what I can for a period of time at least.

So tomorrow I will probably head up to Wales at some point, and see what I can do, even if its just taking a TV to the nursing home, and setting things up so she can be comfortable in her home away from home. The plan here is respite and assessment, returning home is still an option here, so im open minded to how it will all work out.
Now to drop the bombshell on work, that after a weeks leave, I wont be back when planned. Im sure through the wonders of Facebook and blog stalking, some will already know about this before I make it official. Say what you will, I have my priorities and morals.

Right with all that said, I have to go an meet my niece so I can rebuild the OS on her Blackberry... kids !

I live between the local ambulance and fire stations, and just off the South Circular road A205, so get the pleasure of being aware when there is something going on around here. Which being South London, let's be honest, is most of the time.

Over time you learn to tell the difference between a police car passing through on blues, and a fire engine or 3 leaving the fire station on a call.

A lot of the time it is quite genuinely just background noise these days, and rarely gets my attention. But on quiet afternoons like today, on the build up to a massive evening in the capital, each siren that approaches and passes through is more noticeable, and stirs more thought and emotion in me.

Its the festive season, a new year is about to dawn. So many people are full of hope and expectation of what a new year will bring, but for a small few, the new year will be unforgettable. A knock on the door, the screech of brakes, the shrill of a smoke alarm waking you at 1am. For all those people, there are a dedicated bunch of emergency responders who will be there, saving them, comforting them, and most of all caring!

As the night draws in, my thoughts switch to those who are standing by for when someone needs their help, when three 9's are dialled. From the operator keeping you calm while directing the whole show, to the responder who will go above and beyond to put an end to the panic of the situation. For those in need of their help also.

So as the clock ticks, and midnight approaches and passes, spare a thought each time you see or hear an emergency vehicle on the move. Someone's NYE will not be as good as yours, and someone will remember it for a whole different reason to you. Families devastated, lives wrecks, memories destroyed.

Happy New Year..... May there be silence tonight.

Regards

Michael

Sent via Blackberry®