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It's a common sign of the first stages of depression or stress,  but right now I have no reason to have either. That said,  I have noticed over the past week, I have struggled to switch off at night and stop thinking.

Anything and everything is game,  thoughts flying through my mind at a thousand miles an hour. From friends to current affairs. Flitting from one subject to the next in the beast of my heart.

I am hoping to resume training in the morning,  and hopefully that will serve as the energy draining mechanism I need. As will the yoga I have planned. Maybe that is best saved for the evening rather than mornings.

It is hard not to get caught in the momentum of this,  and start worrying about stress and depression again. I know I have to get money sorted,  but that isn't a huge pressure right now,  or doesn't feel that way anyway. It could be what's causing it.

Either way,  I will be keeping a close eye on myself over the coming weeks to see how things are. In a sense it is nice to have my complete free mind back,  on the other hand,  while still on meds it is a small concern that I am able to do so.

Before anyone suggests, yup I am familiar with relaxation techniques,  and practice them. It's not the end of the world,  when I do drop off,  I sleep well,  other than some strange dreams.

Another contributing factor is  physical well being. Hip is 90% better but still uncomfortable at night. Knee is almost totally fine now. But my body being the funny bastard that it is dealt me a bout of gout in my ankle this weekend. Thanks body,  you really do spoil me. Or is that ruin me?

Anyway,  wide awake so wrote this to pass some time. New week starts in an hour. Here's to next week and training again.

2

It's amazing just how fast a mood can bomb when you are of fragile mind and easily influenced. From a dull but positive morning and afternoon,  to a relaxing evening,  all seemed on track for an OK day.

Hoping to end the day on a positive note,  I went to bed earlyish to avoid being over tired. However on my way to bed events started to unravel,  and by the time I made it to bed,  within 5 minutes the day was destined to end on a pretty shitty low.

Don't ask why,  thats just too complicated to explain right now,  and more to the point I don't get it myself. But either way it sucks right now.

Fingers crossed I wake tomorrow in a better mood. I have an increased dose of medication to look forward to tomorrow,  so that's a bonus eh.

Wish I could explain how it feels to have the bottom drop out of your mood in a flash. And once it's gone,  you are left struggling to climb back out of the hole you fall into. For anyone who does actually understand the feeling,  you have my sympathies.

Right,  I better lay back down and stare at the ceiling for a bit,  then be restless for another hour or so.

Night.