Tag: confidence

Eye contact understood.

May 27, 2025 waffledog Uncategorized 0 Comments

I think I have finally started to understand my whole thing with eye contact.

How close it too close? For a long time now I have always thought I struggled with making eye contact, and that it was just something I wasn’t cut out for, but recently I have taken a moment to try and better understand it, and by golly I think I have sussed it. For me at least, not sure about other people.

We are taught that eye contact is important in social interactions, showing we are engaging with someone, listening, and giving them our full attention. However at the same time there is also the “OMG they are so creepy, they just looked right at me” too! And of course “are they staring at me, do they want trouble?” So while we are taught to do it, we are also taught it is rude, creepy, threatening and so much more. So do I look at people in the eye or not. 

This is about to get real boring, so don’t say I didn’t warn you!

First up, over the years it has bugged me how difficult I found it to make eye contact, in some cases at least. Believing it was the social norm to just make eye contact with everyone I came into contact with, I just assumed I was a bit different. Which to be fair is not untrue in itself, but I thought I was the odd one. When I would go out in public I feared eye contact, and I think this is connected to my anxiety and the feeling of judgement. Only when I have felt really low have I hidden my eyes, wearing dark glasses even on the dullest of days.

So when I mixed in those experiences, with my beliefs of what social norms are, I came to the conclusion that I had serious social issues, and struggled all the time. Turns out that isn’t the case at all. What I realised recently was, when I am in good company and feeling relaxed I make eye contact all the time. With one exception… when I am in close proximity to someone. If I am relaxing having lunch with a friend, over a table I am happy to lock eyes for long periods of time (without getting weird). However, same friend, different setting, side by side in cinema, or in a coffee shop over a small table, and NOPE!

That is just weird, its too close and too intimate a setting. Obviously change the person to someone I am intimate with, of course I mean my wife lol, and that changes  again. So it isn’t that I can’t, it isn’t that I don’t want to. It simply comes down to who, where and when.

So I am not weird after all, OK, I am not that weird haha. But I am certainly not the same as everyone else, I accepted that a long time ago, and that’s not a bad thing.

I would be interested to know from others, if others are even aware, what are you like with eye contact, and does it differ between situations and locations too? I am pretty sure as with other things most people are completely unaware of how they behave in such situations. However for people like myself I am hyper aware of these tiny little details, and that is the part which creates social anxiety for me.

This has been another steep learning experience for me with the new job too (I keep calling it my “new” job but its been over nine months now), having to engage with new people day after day, meet people from different walks of life, and find a way to communicate.  It has almost been a session of exposure therapy, forcing me to overcome my self doubts and get on with things. And it seems to have done the trick.

My confidence has sky-rocketed, my ability to engage in conversation with people has improved and I now find myself being the one making conversation. I never saw that coming. Although to be fair to myself, I have always had a habit of awkwardly making conversation if cornered. Have I turned into the stranger who just starts chatting to random people? I don’t think so, but I will be mindful of the situation I put others in when striking up a conversation.

Right, enough rambling, I am off to stare some strangers dead in the eyes!

Starting to feel at home

November 18, 2024 waffledog Uncategorized 0 Comments

Three months ago roughly I walked into the grounds of a new organisation, had an ID card made, and met a whole bunch of new people. After 12 weeks of training and testing I was told I had met the grade and had completed the basic training to start doing a role I have only dreamed of for decades. Then there was a ceremony, an official recognition of the efforts of myself and my training cohort, and we were given some epaulettes and handed over to “the floor”.

Since then I have done three tours, and experienced so much I had not seen in training. Not to say I was not expecting some surprises, and to be forever learning, of course I was. However I was definitely surprised at a few of them, but have chalked it all down to experience, and tucked each one neatly under my belt to refer back to when the time arises.

I am not going to pretend that it has all been plain sailing. There have been plenty of WTF moment, and deer in the headlights too. However for the majority of the time I have definitely felt well prepared, and more importantly 100% supported by my watch. I keep saying it to other people, but I really do feel I landed on my feet here, and already feel at home.

I am not even a month into doing the role, and am still sitting with a baby-sitter most of the time. Which has its pros and cons of course. While I feel pretty confident in my processes and decisions, I also feel like I need to validate myself on some things, so that adds to the mental load from time to time. On the flip side of course, there are also moments when I turn to them with a shocked look on my face, looking for guidance.

The beautiful thing about this job is even long after the baby-sitter is gone, there is always someone right next to you. Usually they are actually right there, however there is ALWAYS someone there figuratively and just a hand wave away. This is really important at times, and even the most experienced in the room rely on this system from time to time when something big comes up.

I was asked after a recent blog entry if I could go into more detail on some of the things I deal with. For obvious reasons I can’t discuss any incidents or persons involved, but what I would say is what we were told in training is 100% true.

Every day will be different, you will constantly hear news things, see new situations and be surprised by the types of incidents you will be asked to deal with.  These are generally people having their worst day, and looking for you to offer them some assistance or even just advice on what they need to do to make things better.

People from all walks of life will contact us, and depending on their personality, mental state, and situations they are in, they will all behave very differently . Sometimes it will be predictable, other times it will make no sense to behave the way they are in the situation they are in.  Extremely calm in terrible situations, and very emotional and distressed in quite simple situations. Whatever the case, whoever they are, they will be treated equally, and offered the same help and advice.

From apologetic for “bothering” you whilst they are in a precarious situation, to rude and demanding in a self made situation, which you may or may not think is something we should be dealing with, they come in all shapes and sizes.

I have seen quite a wide spread of the above already, but know I am only scraping the surface and over the years will see much much more. All I can do is practise my skills, and hope that it prepares me for the day when my experience and personality are put to the test. The great part is I am learning from a great bunch of people, and am surrounded by support, so I have every confidence that I will continue to grow as a person and also in my capacity as one of the team.

I am now on my rest days between tours, and taking a bit of time to deal with everything I have experienced, and get myself fresh enough for the next tour. I look forward to it each time, but also have a hint of trepidation, which I guess is only natural. While I have been there a while now, I still very much feel like the new kid, and am still learning the unspoken processes, and making sure I do things as one of the team and not an individual. As I said, I am yet to go it alone for a full tour, so take comfort in that. But I also look forward to walking onto the floor with total confidence, and knowing I am going it alone.

Right, I am off to write some more entries on blogs, so will thank you for reading and bid you farewell for now.