Once again my demons of depression rear their ugly heads, and the pit of despair opens wide to try and swallow me up. Small things becoming the teeth of the demons, ready to consume me in a single vicious bite. An all too familiar feeling for me, and as usual there is no true reason for them to have broken free of their shackles.
My part here is to know what is happening, fight back, and refuse to allow them to catch me this time. Knowing all the warning signs of these bouts is key for me to fight back like this, and getting a grip on it early is important if I stand a chance of escaping without a mark on me.
Lack of energy, happy to sleep forever, no drive, and a touch of self loathing from time to time. Not to mention being emotionally delicate, and living on a short fuse. All the signs that things are going badly wrong in my head at this moment.
Why you ask? I have NO idea at all. Yes I have some stress in my life at the moment, but nothing worthy of feeling like shit. But I have a plan.
Not ignore it, not run away and hide, but to fight with every conscious thought I have each day. Refusal to let these little things weigh me down with doubt, anger and sorrow. Instead, turning negatives to positives, making the most of any situation thrown at me, and working towards the brightness of sunshine and happiness that awaits me on the other side.
As Waiting all Night (Rudimental) suddenly cues and plays into my ears, I picture the video and remember that the key to overcoming adversity and barriers in life is a two step progress. Positive mental attitude, and surrounding yourself with great people. Well I have the people, and I have the self belief, so it's just a matter of mixing them properly now to make it work out for me.
Typing furiously here, trying to get all these thoughts out of my mind and onto the WWW is a battle in itself, but something I need to do from time, now more than ever.
My name is Michael Snasdell, and from time to time I struggle with depression. I'm not ashamed, embarrassed or afraid to admit it, and nor should anyone be.
Thank you for reading. That in itself helps, believe me, being heard, seen and recognised is part of the process here.
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