Waking up this morning after another night of broken sleep, I felt clear and calm. You know like when you wake after a bad headache or pain, and for a moment all is well. That false hope the body and mind give you, before switching everything back on again, and turning the intensity up a notch. Well, that just happened.
Not uncommon to feel that way, but having not been here for quite some time, I have to run it by a fellow nutcase, just to get clarification that it was "normal". The answer came back, and confirmed genuinely nuts.
When I first woke, the first thoughts through my mind were, hey I feel good, why am I even going to the doctors today. Starting to think it was all in my head, then the penny dropped... Of course it's all I'm my head idiot, it's my frickin brain!
A few minutes after that, the first random thoughts of the day started to filter into my head, and from there it all went downhill fast. Imagine the old days at the stock markets, on the trading floor. A few people doing the trades, and a whole floor of traders shouting and waving at each other.
That's what goes on in my head over the most basic thoughts. Strangely enough, writing like this blocks them out, focusing on one thing, being creative takes all the energy from the over active mind and puts it all in one place. Maybe that is why the recent entries have been longer than some others, me desperately trying to keep writing, stay focused and stop the inevitable slump that comes after.
So after waking wondering why I was going to the doctors, I am back where I was before, and glad I'm going there in an hours time. I wish I could explain how anxious I am about it right now though. Not a good feeling. So I am gonna get ready, put my headphones on and take a walk up there. Get some fresh air, bombard the voices and thoughts with poor choices of music, and go see a pro, in the hope we are on the same page. Fingers crossed.