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Category: company doctor

Published on Leave a comment on Another day, another blog.

After another rather stressy day yesterday I turned in early for the night. Not that I got to sleep straight away, and neither did I sleep very well. It would seem the initial improvement is now a thing of the past. Relaxing thoughts, and well rehearsed techniques to get to sleep no longer work, and the spiral of association has come back. Taking a simple innocent thought, within a minute it spirals into something I dread or a subject that winds me up. Change the thought, and the process starts again. Thinking of a video game for example, within three twists of association, can become a past memory of something I have done, which in turn makes me sad or anxious. It's incredible, as my concious mind could never make those twisted associations. It is almost like my brain WANTS me to think about these other things, and manages to contort the subject accordingly.

Right now though I have no rational way of addressing the matters, and no means of outlet to vent them to, so they will just have to wait for now.

Speaking of waiting, that is the theme of today, waiting for a contractor (who has now arrived), and waiting for a call from the GP. Thankfully, one thing I am not waiting for any longer is the report from my company doctor. After seeing him last week all seemed to go well, but you know how it is. Like job interviews, it went well but the letter isn't what you expected. However on this occasion I am happy to say that the report is favourable, and supportive, which is a great relief to me for sure. Painting a similar picture to that which my GP has already done, recommending the increase in medication as per the consultation, and outlining a realistic timescale for improvement and return to work.
Now I just need to speak to the GP when she calls, to discuss the report and see if she goes with the increase in meds dose.

Also having now received the next appointment with the therapy people from the NHS, I can now add that to her information, so she can make decisions accordingly. With the first face to face appointment with the therapy people not being til January, and only being an assessment once again, treatment itself is yet to get a confirmed start date. That obviously puts the brakes on things a little bit, but the company GP has allowed for this in his recommendations.

So there are lots of positives there for sure.
In other parts of life there is little improvement in my day to day goings on. Still borderline hurting myself to try and stay clear headed and sane, and of course to end the day exhausted enough to sleep. Which doesn't seem to be working very well anymore, but the getting out alone is helping keep my head clear.
Support from friends, and company being offered is a great relief, now all I need to do is make some of that actually happen.

On Xmas day I will be making my usual trip to Wales to have a clean up of the family grave, lay some flowers, and have some down time breathing fresh coastal air. Come rain or shine, I look forwards to returning to a place which holds only the most innocent of memories for me, and offers no complications, painful reminders, or associations for my mind to play with. Memories of youth are the clearest and purest I have. So I think it is that which keeps me going back again and again. As well of course as wishing to maintain the headstone, and pay my respects.
Fingers crossed I can have a wide awake day, and stay focused enough to do the round trip in the day. I am sure I can, but as ever it is a solo trip, so keeping my mind distracted might be a bit of a test for me.

So that is my download for the morning. Here's to a positive outcome to the call from the GP, and a chance to get outside and recharge my solar batteries in my head.

Thanks for reading.

Published on Leave a comment on Thank God that’s over with.
So since being off sick with anxiety and depression,  and realising it was becoming a long term thing,  I kinda knew I would end up seeing the company doctor at some point. I have had a good relationship with him over the years with tennis elbow,  gout,  depression etc,  so know he is a good man with no ill intent.
None the less,  the thought of being judged by another in this state, and having to dig deep to explain myself all over again is a rather overwhelming experience to say the least.
So today was the day,  and sitting in the waiting room alone was a huge stress. Thankfully the train journey to London Bridge was nice and quiet,  and with headphones in I was in my own little world. When the time came to be called in,  the ever softly spoken Dr Mason came out and called me in. Formalities over with,  the conversation started. I gave him all the supporting paperwork etc,  and  he listened carefully as I tried to explain myself.
After a quick chat I filled out another anxiety / depression questionnaire and he totted up the score. Discussion turned to my meds and dose,  he suggested speaking to the GP again and getting an increase as he feels what I am on is a bit of a "girls dose" he said with a smile on his face.
Next he asked about work, then moved on to how he wanted to progress with me. Suggesting he would like to speak to me again once I have had some counselling,  and see how I am with that and the increase in dose of Citalopram.
Finishing up he asked how I was feeling,  I expressed how anxious I have been about the appointment since getting the letter,  and how it had made me feel. He reassured me there was nothing bad going to happen,  and that he wished me a good recovery,  and looked forward to speaking to me again and hearing some improvement.
Leaving the building my heart was pounding like crazy,  and feeling the fresh air of freedom outside was a relief. So glad it's over with now. Really has had me on edge for a few days now.
So I shall make a new GP appointment once I receive his report as suggested by him,  and see if the dose needs to be increased and if we are making progress yet. And also of course point out to them how long I have to wait for counselling,  as it doesn't look  like I will be working until that is underway.