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Published on Leave a comment on So the doctor says……

Oooooooooooook this is how it goes.

Finally got her to the hospital, parked as close to the dept as possible for her, only to find they have moved it lol. Sister helped her there while I got parked properly and not pay extortionate rates for parking.
Lovely new department, in the new wing, so no more dark broom closet anymore.

Running a bit behind, but got seen within an hour of the original appointment time. Me and my sister waited while she saw the doctor, then when she came out, I popped in. I was welcomed by the doctor and specialist nurse who sat me down and filled me in on the whole matter. Mum had apparently said no to me sitting in previously.
Suprisingly on the journey home she was 100% straight about almost everything said, which was pleasent.

So, the prognosis, outcome, road ahead.
The right side has become very large now, and radiotherapy is not considered a viable option. Chemo "may" have a partial effect, but the preferred treatment is now surgery only. HOWEVER, her COPD is in the way of that, with her breathing being considered borderline too bad for general anaesthetic, so she has to have a complete medical inc scans, xrays etc to see if she is fit enough to even be considered for surgery... not that she has accepted having surgery, but they are thinking ahead.

Unfortunatly, due to the size of the lump now, it would be a more intrusive surgery, with the breast being removed, and her requiring a skin graft to cover it up and help it heal. Given that she was against a simple lump being taken out, I cant see her going for this at all. Myself, the doctor and the nurse are all in agreement that she has made a very rational decision to let the cancer take its course, and to see it to the end with no further treatment. So I am grateful to the doctor for continuing to pursue the surgery route even though its an outside chance.

The COPD is what is causing all her main symptoms at the moment, for which she needs to go back to the GP, so I am in the middle of trying to get that sorted out for her too. Once again, unfortunatly she is unlikely to take on board much of what they say or give her, so the condition will get worse. Amazingly with full blown cancer, its the COPD making life awkward for her now. So hopefully we can get some help for her there, and make life a little better for her, a little mobility and freedom. But the harsh reality is, she is going to need to be watched much closer again now, with the risk of her passing out again.

So the road I forsee is as follows.
Refusal of any other treatments, and letting the cancer take its course.
Supervision from the hospital, and pain meds given to make things comfortable.
Reluctance to get anything done about the COPD
Breathing getting worse and worse.

Hopefully she is "friends" with the doctor again now, and will continue to go there and get help from them, inc pain relief.

Next appointment has been set for within a couple of weeks time, to go to Guys to see the specialist there. Updates to follow.

Published on Leave a comment on Phew that was close

An hour or so ago I passed mum in the hall way and she informed me she was not going.
I took 5 and walked the dogs to get my head together, then came home for a "chat" with her. On getting home I noticed she has been smoking, made a coffee, and had a bath, but is too weak to go hospital.... I think not!

Just had a gentle heart to heart with her, and explained I am not going to pressure her into treatment etc, I just want her safe. She followed this by telling me she almost passed out getting out of the bath... So my worrys are now justified.

Needless to say she is just getting ready (with my sister) to go to the hospital.

Back on track

Published on Leave a comment on Just a quick lazy entry.

In a bit of a muddle and a rush right now so can't get on the PC, so thought I would just add this via the Berry.

The good news is, after a stern chat last night, and assurances that she won't have to walk far at the hospital, mum has agreed to go to her Oncology appointment at Lewisham today. My sister has even decided to join us this time too.

Just got a bit of a manic morning planning dogs, breakfast and transport to the hospital, so I am off for now.

Back later with "what the doctor said"

Regards

Michael

Sent using BlackBerry®

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Published on 2 Comments on I feel…….alive.

Well thats about the only feeling I can really confirm at the moment, amongst the confusion and upset with mum, I can honestly confirm I definatly feel "alive"

Positives of the day, diet going well, weigh loss is constant (at the mo, it tails off in a bit) feeling awake and ready to go, no headache, half way through the week, and not feeling hungry lol.

Negatives, mum is still being a PITA about the hospital, mum still not very well, and I have not booked an appointment with her GP now because of the fuss she made yesterday (is this me getting weak?) Got to go to work in a while, and I have a really itchy armpit!

So, thats whats running through my mind at the moment, so maybe a little more detail and factual stuff eh.

Diet is going well, no problems with hunger yet. I have been having a tin of tuna in the evenings just to give the stomach something solid to chew over. And of course one of the meal packs a day has been a bar. Not going down that road again of trying to get my digestive system working again lol. Total loss since Monday is 8lb and a bit. 246.6 down to 238.4 Main thing for me is reaching a milestone quickly, it gives me a little drive.
The bulk of the weightloss is going to be the last of the solid foods exiting the body, after that it will slow down a little, but hopefully still be recordable daily. It I can get into the high 220's by the end of next week I will feel I am achieving something and remain driven. So lets see how that carries on.

Mum.... well she has decided she is not going to her appointment, but that is still open to negotiation tonight. If she does not want treatment, thats fine. But she has to at least know what the hell is going on inside her body. So at least there can be some forward planning, and knowledge for me and my sister to know whats going on, and what to expect to happen health wise. Fingers crossed she will see sense on that one.

In other news....
It is my nephews 11th birthday today, so Happy Birthday Calum.

Oh and finally.... why do cheques take SO long to clear when you are waiting on the cash!
OK so by all accounts its not a REALLY long time, paid in on Saturday, so 3 working days. But I am sure other cheques clear faster when you are not needing the money for something else.
Come on Natwest, thats all my money and I need to spend it all by the end of the week!
Worst part is, after finding "cheap" flights for the holiday this year, they are resting on this cheque too. No cash, no booking..... no booking, the price could rise (and with my luck WILL)

Im out, foodpack and work for me.
Make today a good one.

Published on Leave a comment on Feeling a little pi**ed off right now.

Having tried to avoid mentioning mums hospital appointment to her, its just been brought to her attention. Immediatly the defenses have started, and she has text a few times to say if she feels this ill on Thursday she is not going.

Now correct me if I am wrong, but are doctors not there to make people better. So if you are ill, you go and see a doctor....right?
So here we have the current situation. She is really tired and has no energy, her COPD is causing her problems so she cant breathe very well right now, and of course her cancer is coming back, so really she needs to see the Oncologist asap to get it all assessed and dealt with. However BECAUSE she is not feeling well she says she cant go.

Is it just me that thinks that all a bit mixed up. I mean its not like she has to walk or use public transport to go to the doctors or hospital. I will be taking her, and going in with her, so she wont be alone, or left to struggle from office to office.

I have said before I know, but have to say it again. I cannot understand, or relate to someone being ill but using that as a reason/excuse NOT to see the doctors. I understand that she is afraid of what they are going to tell her, and probably does not want to know if there is a finite amount of time left etc. I can definatly relate to not liking being prodded and poked, but at the end of it all there is one common goal.... Feeling better!

Surely regardless of what she wants the outcome to be, if she wants to fight the cancer or not, her main consideration should be quality of life, and comfort. In all honesty thats all I want her to have. I respect her choice, and if chemo and other treatments are not wanted, then I stand by her and will remain there.

However.... this is where I am coming from.
Its is upsetting to see someone just lay back and give up on life, especially one of your parents. It is frustrating to know there is help on hand, pain relief, and other things to make the last months/years comfortable, but to see the person refuse it. Possibly through not understanding what is available, possibly through fear of what they may find out.
And the part that tears me up, is the anger I feel deep inside, at myself for allowing this to go on. I cant find peace with myself right now, because of the conflicts within. Am I being weak for standing by and watching this happen? Am I pushing too hard and forcing her to take treatments she does not want? Its all rather confusing for me right now, and for that reason, I am at war with myself within.

Published on Leave a comment on There is always somthing!

Bah, that scuppered my plan slightly. I thought I had some old foodpacks let, but turns out all I have is Veggie Soup, which is ok, but I can only really stomach one a day lol.
So eBay is my friend, and I have ordered a weeks worth of foodpacks, and can only hope they arrive soon, so I can get in the flow of things. In the meantime I need a new blender too, my old one is destroyed now. (cant use VLCD foodpacks without a blender!)

So its a Slim Fast bar for breakfast, followed by whatever I can pick up in Sainsburys on the way to work for lunch and dinner.

On the plus side, the dogs have had a nice walk this morning, and the weather was rather nice too.

In other news.......
Following mums decision on Saturday to stop taking her medication, guess what. Yup thats right, she is feeling ill again now.
Insistant that she is NOT going back to the doctors to discuss alternative medication (I beg to differ), I get the feeling there is a well thought out plan in amongst this.

One minute she will be gasping, saying how bad her breathing is, the next she is gassing on the phone to her sister with no problems. Which kind of indicates she is laying it on a little thick at times. Her conversations with the doctor on the phone are the same, to the receptionist she can talk normally, as soon as the doc is on the line is wheeze and gasp time.

Anyway, the plan I speak of..... She has an Oncology appointment on Thursday, and I get the feeling her health will fail just enough for her to say she cant make the appointment. Which of course is rubbish as I will carry here there if I have to. But I get the impression she is gonna try it. Why? Simple, she will be seeing the doctor who she saw originally who made the cancer diagnosis, and who she now intensly dislikes.

Whatever the case, she WILL be making her Oncology appointment on Thursday, and she WILL be going back to see the GP regarding alternative meds for her breathing etc. Watch this space.

Published on Leave a comment on A new dawn…

Some rubbish like that anyway, to quote a song....
"Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me"
Maybe not quite that serious, but today marks an important day for me, time for a little change.

Finally on track in the brain department, I can start to take care of other matters like my incredible increasing weight for 1. Since I realised it was really starting to pile on I kind of gave up, and over did it slightly. But today that all changes.

The solution... Protikee. Similar to LighterLife, just half the price and no meetings. It worked before and it will work again im sure. Now that I can think straight, hopefully I can muster up some willpower too.

Right so the first stage of any diet should begin like this... My name is Michael Snasdell and I know I have a weight problem. Currently 246lb, which is 3 stone heavier than I ended my diet on 2 years ago. But given what has been going on, and what the predictions were, its not so bad. So today it all begins. Yesterday I had a blowout of food, today I start with nothing.

I am going to see about doing a couple of weeks of full abstainance, and see where I go with that. Not going to be easy as life is a little more active and hectic than it was first time round, but im gonna give it a damn good go.
So wish me luck, here goes nothing.

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Published on 2 Comments on Mothers and meds dont mix!

OK so im sure we are all familiar with opening a packet of medication, be it asprin or prescription. Which ever end you open it from, the clever little leaflet inside somehow manages to be at the end you open it from, blocking your route from your awaiting pain relief, high, or treatment for that "itch"

So what do you do? Grab it, pull it out of the way, and munch your pills. (90% of the population will NEVER read one of these leaflets). But you are missing out, missing out on worry, wonder and concern about what those pills might just do to you. Have a quick scan over it and you will see words like "sores", "rashes", "tiredness" and so on spread throughout the page.

Side effects is what I am on about, if you had not already gathered. The expression "suck 'em and see" is quite apt when it comes to the average persons approach to medication. You are ill, you need help, the doctor says try these, so you give it a go. Personally I am one to give it a go, and see how things work out. Sadly my mother, due to her recent ill health and massive increase in drug intake has taken to reading EVERYTHING... The box, the leaflet and anything else she can get her hands on.

She has COPD, which for those not in the know is Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, aka she cant breathe very well. This is actually an umbrella condition which covers a wide range of conditions causing respitory issues. However this mixed with an obsession of reading and worrying about side effects of meds is a leathal cocktail.

As with most medications, over the counter and prescription, a lot of hers highlight they can cause respitory issues, which of course is not helpful with COPD. The focus needs to be on "could" though, and not the WILL that she insists it means. Therefore ANY drug she is prescribed for anything that mentions breathing, is binned!

Currently as of today, she has decided that due to a bad night breathing last night, all 4 drugs she was recently prescribed are no good, and she will not be taking them any longer. Ignoring the fact that its taken 5 days of taking them to decide this. So due to this now, she will no longer be treating other conditions she has, and her health will again deteriorate.

As someone who has spent a good few years popping pills for all sorts of ailements, I can confirm that modern medicine is a bloody amazing thing, and deserves praise, not doubt. So it is very frustrating for me to see her shun all the help that is on offer, due to a simple obsession with POSSIBLE side effects. Will she return to the doctor and tell him the problems she has found.... Of course not, she will just plod on and get iller again.

Its a vicious circle, that is getting ever tighter.

Published on Leave a comment on An update for the day.

Well, after the most irritating journey home I have had in a long time, made worse by having an right indicator that kept turning on (not good in rush-hour traffic) the day has taken a somewhat unexpected turn...... for the better!

On getting home I opened my email client, to check an email address I dont use on my Blackberry. I was hoping for a response from the physio re missing payments, and sure enough *BING* in it popped.
To my suprise we were all in agreement that the payments HAVE been made, and that there is no outstanding payment to be made. On replying to this email and thanking them for their time following it up, I received a call from my old physio to discuss it further.

So all is well that ends well, we are still friends, I am not in debt for a huge sum of money to them, and hopefully I can now follow this up with my solicitor and get reimbursed for the full out of pocket expenses incurred for physio to my shoulder.
Although something tells me that without an amended invoice, the solicitor will still only try and claim back the actual money spent, and not that showing as owed. I will have to follow this up tomorrow I guess.

*memo to self, email solicitor in the morning

So thank you to the physio for their honesty, my apologies for suggesting it was a scam of some sort, and heres to getting another step closer to getting this whole legal circus rounded up!

Have a good weekend.

Published on Leave a comment on Highs and lows.

Its always the way with life, a rollercoaster of emotions and luck, with lots of hidden twists, bends and drops along the way.
A few days of high spirits is sure to be followed by a big drop at some point. As they say what goes up must come down. About the only thing we can control in any sort of way is how fast and how far we drop.

Today for example, from flying high, feeling that things are going right, progress is being made, and im actually getting somewhere with all the trials and tribulations of life..... And a small blow.
First thing this morning I was told by my old physiotherapist that they feel I owe them over £400 for treatment I have not paid for. Unfortunatly our records disagree.

Rule #1, always get receipts for ANY paid service you take on. In this case I was stupid enough to build up a "friendship" with the place, and didnt get receipts for the cash I was handing over. With the whole legal matter with work, I am currently claiming for the physio I received, and on asking for a total invoice, was told of the outstanding sum.

This put a downer on the day to say the least, so I am currently trying to discuss the matter amicably. If the sum is really outstanding, I am left suprised that the matter was not chased up sooner, as the last treatment was almost 2 years ago now. I am however confident that I am up to date, and this is a mistake or a scam.

It also has a knock on effect to the amount of my cash I spent, that I can claim back through the legal process I am currently going through with my employer, which will leave me out of pocket by many hundreds of pounds... Not happy!

In other news....

The rest of the day has gone pretty well, and it is after all Friday, so 2 days to recharge the batteries and get ready for battle with the world for another week afterwards.
Being back blogging is a life saver for me, I feel better with each line I write, regardless of if anyone else is reading it or not.
So the weekend, lots of time with the dogs, trying to get my affairs in order, and allthe legal bits that need writing and actioning dealt with.
Hopefully I will find some time tomorrow for some swatting up and getting my mind back in gear to learn what I need to, and pass the required tests in time.

Right, enough waffling, im off. Have a great weekend.