It is fair to say that the last time I spoke to a GP a couple of weeks ago was a relief. The pre appointment anxiety was dealt with swiftly by a doctor asking me to tell her what was going on, and listening as I spoke. Then encouraging me to share more information, before discussing with me what my options were. Well today was the follow up to that appointment, a checkpoint to see how things were going and what could and would happen next. Now feeling a little more confident about speaking to the GP about it again, I was ready with what I wanted to say. However, I was in for a rude awakening.
The call itself was a little later than planned, but that is fine, schedules slip and all that. Although I had not received the usual text reminder yesterday about this, so did at one point worry a little that I had got the date or time wrong, or something else of my own doing. None the less, the call came in.
After introducing herself, she told me that she was calling to follow up on her colleagues appointment with me a couple of weeks ago. All good so far. I thanked her for calling, and we got into the consultation. It went a little like this.
GP: You were prescribed 25mg of meds, is that correct?
Me: Yes that's right
GP: How has that been?
Me: Errm OK really, no real difference.
GP: No 25mg is a very low dose, we use this to see how it sits with you. I will increase the dose to 50mg, is that OK?
Me: Yes, ok if that's whats needed
GP:OK I will send the prescription to the pharmacy now. In the meantime take 2 of the 25mg a day until you collect the new prescription.
Me: OK will do.
GP: I also need your BP, so do you have a machine at home?
Me: Yes I do
GP: OK I will text you now, reply to that with the reading when you can.
Me: OK I will do that shortly
GP: OK if thats it, we will arrange an appointment in 4 weeks to follow up with you, reception will call you.
Me: Oh, OK then, thanks.
By the end of the whistle-stop conversation it felt apparent that this was not a GP I was going to feel comfortable having dialogue with, so just kept it short and sweet to prevent myself getting frustrated or upset by it. Lower my expectations to match the perceived level of interest. Something I have learned to do over the years. There will be another appointment, so I will bide my time and save the more intimate stuff for someone I feel is interested and listening to me. I think this is one of the issues with phone consultations, not being able to see the person, so having to gauge their levels of interest and interaction by voice and tone alone. Not always easy, and definitely not always right either.
So now there are 4 weeks until I speak to my GP again, and the decision on taking, upping or abstaining from meds sits heavy with me. In the meantime my general state of mind has improved somewhat since getting the ball rolling on speaking with HR at work, them arranging the OH appointment, and my other decision surrounding the idea of returning to an office. Having a back-up plan has really helped, and just knowing that I am OK with finding a different job if it comes to that has made me feel far better about myself.
Right now I would say I am in a stable place. Although today's perceived lack of interest and engagement has wobbled me for a bit. Not feeling comfortable to ask the questions I had, and explore other avenues at this point is frustrating, but not life changing, so deep breath, and looking at things in perspective, and it will be OK. The time for that will come, and I am in control of the situation. Screening etc can be done without the GP involvement, but at a financial cost... But so be it.
In the meantime, I have my other appointments coming up with others such as OH and IAPT, so still more to do before worrying about what comes next. The WFH decision is a slow one, but in the pipeline, so that also just needs a little time, to get the final outcome, from which I can then decide which direction next. Options are aplenty.
In general, day to day well-being has taken a bit of a hit in the past week or so. Physically my back is still giving me a bit of grief, but a lot better this week thanks to Andrew Fung the Osteopath, who I am seeing again later this week. This has led to a drop off in cycling and a complete lack of returning to running for now. Frustrating to say the least, but also has a knock on effect to my mental health too.
In that respect, my brain is telling me all sorts of weird and wonderful horror stories of what might happen if I go riding. I want to get out on the single speed, but brain says "what if, what if, what if".... So I don't!
Running wise, I have a half marathon at the end of the month, which is looking less and less likely to happen, or at least certainly won't all be running, as it has simply been so long since I ran any distance whatsoever. So trying to jump back in with a half marathon might be asking for trouble. Although... Maybe if I keep the pace down.... !! We shall see. I want to try and get a run in before the end of this week.
So til then, here's to next week and my appointments with OH and IAPT. As for WFH, no news is good news, as it means the 30 day countdown to return to the office has not yet started. But watch me eat my words in the next day or so. That said, just because the notice is given, it doesn't actually set a date for me to return at that point.
Here ends todays update. Thanks as ever for reading.