me time – Snazy

Today I determined that the desire to have a lay in for me is not always a bad sign. For years if I felt the urge to just stay in bed when I woke up, alarm bells started ringing and paranoia would quickly set in. The feeling of doom and gloom would soon overcome the relaxation of just taking a few minutes to enjoy doing nothing.

Having grown used to staying in bed when I was starting to feel depressed or anxious, it became my first sign warning that things were starting to take a turn for the worse. Sure I remember lazy lay-ins when I was younger. Nothing to do that day, and feeling like I wanted to have some physical rest, but those days feel long in the past.

These days if I were to wake up and just want to stay in bed, rather than planning my days activities in my head, I would panic a little, thinking I was at the top of the slippery slope of depression. This is a self taught behaviour, and to be honest, a good one for the main part. Catching the signs early in recent years has led to better outcomes and shorter spells of poor mental health.

Having said that, today when I woke up I knew I didn't have work, had heard the rain in the night, so knew I didn't want to immediately go out for a ride or walk. My chest is still yucky so I was definitely not going for a morning run. So with all that in mind, I had no immediate plans. I got up to use the loo, and felt achy as I walked (lots of walking yesterday), so decided to get back in bed for a minute.

I think the difference in how all the information was processed is key here. Having logical reasons to want to remain in a nice warm bed. Not messing around getting dressed, and then trying to get comfy on the sofa. Instead just hopping back into bed and relaxing for a bit. Waking up gently, rather than in a rush, or with an agenda. It actually felt really nice.

Yet here I am at the kitchen table with a coffee and writing this now. The lay in didn't last too long, maybe 45 mins or so, but that was long enough to tick the "I don't have to get up yet" box, enjoy a bit of sprawl time in the bed without any stress. Me time!

So now I have a new process when I wake up, and one I have been expanding on for a while now. Wake up but don't get up, take a minute to adjust and do a systems check. Open eyes slowly and adjust, don't rush. When I start moving, go slow, I have time. Then a self check, how do I feel physically and mentally, do I need to change my pace?

If all is going well, and all boxes are checked, go about my morning routine. If not, allow time to assess what is wrong, and what I can do to correct things before getting going. If I feel a bit tired mentally or physically, slow down, even stop. WAIT... Let's get this right!

I have the addition now to check the reasons for wanting to stay in bed "for a little bit longer". Is it chilly, do I want a snuggle, am I feeling poorly, am I just a bit tired and need to give myself longer to wake up? Or like today, do I just have a free day, feel like pampering myself, and fancy a little bit longer laying in bed with my thoughts?

Writing this, and remembering there is a difference between the feelings of CAN'T get out of bed because of how I feel, and DON'T WANT to get out of bed because I fancy a lay in. Staying in bed is not always a bad thing now, and that is a great feeling and deserved acknowledgement here. THAT is why I got out of bed this morning. A cause and thought finally outweighed the enjoyment and relaxation of being in bed.

Right, I am off to do..... NOTHING today. I saw the doctor yesterday, and even he said take it easy for a bit til this virus passes fully, so that is what I am going to do. Maybe a lazy session on the trainer later at most.

Have a great day all 🙂

After two weeks of respite following the surgery on my arm to remove the lump, it feels great to be back at it. And by "it" I mean cycling and running. Having avoided it on instruction for two weeks, to avoid stressing it or getting it full of sweat, over the last two days I have both cycled and run, and IT FEELS GREAT!

As you can see from the joy in my face in the pictures, I am really in my happy place when being out and about, not to mention active and getting the heart pumping. The effect it has on my brain is enormously positive. I can already feel a change happening in me with just two days of being back in a routine. That is one of the reasons I think keeping that up while I am away is going to be important too. With all the stresses of the trip, it should hopefully keep me a bit more grounded.

I have gone on about this a thousand before I know, but I really do support the notion that physical exercise, of any kind (so long as it raises the heart rate a bit) can be amazingly helpful for not only your physical health, but your mental health too. Long hikes, short runs, bike rides of any kind, just to name a few. Escaping your surroundings for a bit, giving yourself a bit of breathing space, and most of all headspace.

The main point of these blogs is a two pronged thing. Firstly to share my experiences with others, show there is a way, and a little hope when things are getting too much for you. Life is full of ups and downs. The ups are the easy bit, but recovering from the downs is the hard part. Hard but not impossible, so long as you don't give up hope and self belief.
The second part is giving me the tools I need when self belief is at a low point, and recovering from a down seems like the hardest struggle of my life. Having notes, a diary or some way of remembering how you did it last time is so so helpful when getting things back on track, as I have found time and time again. But the playbook changes, and so should the notes, hence each time I have a down, I make a record, and see how things have changed, and what works for me now.

This is NOT a "how to" for anyone else, merely a rough map to show there are various paths to take, and you can find yours too.

I think the tough part for me this time around, especially while weaning off meds, was recognising what was heightened anxiety, caused by my brain being a bit of a dick, and what was just every day "oh that's shit" feelings, that everyone experiences every day. Differentiating is really important, but hard when you are in the thick of it. Taking an every day piece of bad luck and catastrophizing it to the point where it is targeted, personal, and the world is against you is so easy to do, I speak from experience.

The trick is to catch it at the start. Stop, take a moment, a few breaths, slow down. Separate it from your low mood, they are not associated. Understanding these elements can change everything.
The example I use all the time is a common scenario.
You are standing at the sink washing something up, you drop it. As you try to catch it you bend hitting your head on the work top. You pick the item up, go to put it under the tap to rinse it, and get splashed.

SLOW DOWN... Sometimes it's easier to accept things. OK, you dropped something, if your reflexes don't catch it straight away, let it fall, don't have a knee jerk reaction. Look down, take a breath, pick it up, take a breath. Back under the tap it goes. Nice and easy, one step at a time. Each step was individual, not one event.

It is the same with everything else in life too, they are not all connected, it is not all part of a masterplan to ruin your life. The more you panic and rush, the more of a catastrophe it becomes, and the lines become blurred.
I know, it is SO easy to say all this from a stable situation, and it never feels like it at the time. But it comes back to the tools and a little self belief. These are not only skills for getting you out of a hole, but also work for keeping you out of the next one too. The less stress you feel day to day, the stronger the mind is, and the more resilient. Going back to the point of this blog, taking a bit of time each day, or as many as you can manage, to decompress, process things that have happened, and appreciate that here you are, still doing OK, in spite of it all. Build that self belief one day at a time.

For me, it feels great to feel positive and free again. Nice to know my escapes still work, and most of all that I am mostly in control of your life.
Side note, I have gained a few lbs while I have been unable to train, and really don't care. I am heading into two weeks of "relaxing" if that is the right word. Getting married, soaking up some sun, and of course running and cycling in some new places.

Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone is well. Always here for a chat.

PS... My CamelChops custom bar bag is on its way too, how flippin excited am I to get that on the Canyon and off for a ride !!

Tag: me time

Laying in isn’t always bad.