Phew, that has been one heck of a week to say the least. Sitting here at the kitchen table at gone 10pm on a Sunday night, dogs by my side, just taking a breather, and trying to clear my head of what has been a pretty bloody horrible week.
Don't get me wrong, there have been some fantastic moments this week, as there always are, but I think they have been over shadowed by my mind and my mood. Not quite sure what set it all off, but the end of last week was the beginning of a bit of a spiral for me, and I have been trying to shake it all week.
Recognising something has been up has been massive for me. It always helps me fight back a little, and not take things too much to heart. But as the week has gone on, it has gotten harder and harder to get away from the obvious. I was seriously anxious.
There has been nothing to be really anxious about, good weather, yoga in the mornings has been a good start to the days. Cycling as always has been a great escape from the stress. Lowering my energy before work, blowing off the steam at the end of the day. Riding has actually been feeling really good in fact, with the core work paying off a bit, I have been really enjoying attacking some of the sections on the way home. But still the feeling remained.
Either way, as the next work week appears on the horizon, I am hoping I have shaken the worst of it, and a good session in the morning will get my head back in the game. You can't rush things, and I am not kidding myself that I will wake up tomorrow back on top. But I can hope right, and by hoping I mean I can be positive, and look up not down.
Teeth aching, jaw tired, fingers sore, all great signs that I have been stressed this week. For once, the avoidance has not been present, and the tiredness has not appeared, but where there is anxiety, there are signs, and this time around, those are the indicators that have made it obvious I need to take some action.
I have been keeping my head low where I can, steering clear of awkward situations, and trying to have some time to myself wherever possible. Cuddles at night on the floor with the dogs, Kallik is my little comfort dog of the moment, gives great cuddles. So all in all, it has been an uneventful episode of anxiety. But it just goes to show, even when nothing is going wrong, even when all is well, the shadows can start to appear, and your mood can take a dive.
The importance of realising this can happen is always highlighted to me by the sessions at the RCGP, with the questions asked to steer towards a diagnosis of anxiety. Recent changes in life, physical changes, or any other obvious triggers are not always present when anxiety comes knocking. So for some, it is important to recognise and identify it yourself, rather than relying on the confirmation from others.
This isn't the blog I originally set out to write, so I am gonna wrap this up here, and keep my fingers crossed that next week is a bit of an up week for me. In the meantime, I am going to delve into my mind, and see if I can write the entry I planned on writing since Wednesday!
Wish me luck...