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A dark void appears.

The first weekend after mums passing when the pressure isn't on to achieve much, and I have to say it sucks. Its not necessarily it dawning on me that mum has died, but more that I am on my own til Monday evening now, and don't have anything to fill the void of time with.
Limited money, bills coming up soon etc, its just deciding how I best use the funds available.
I could travel north, see my aunt before the funeral, stop in with friends and find some other things to do. But I would need to tax the car first, then pay the petrol too. That said it would help to have the car on the road by Wednesday for the funeral, so that cost is 'justified'.

I could visit friends more locally, but to get to most friends I actually want to see would again take a car, or rail tickets.

I'm not sure what I actually want though, company, comfort, or something to keep me occupied. So that kind of makes my decision of what to do a little harder.

My day didn't start too well, struggling to wake up from a bad dream. I had had a car accident and smashed through a motorway barrier and slid down the side of a house. From gaining consciousness in the car after the 'accident' I was actually aware it was a dream, but was fighting desperately to wake from it. Very distressed in the dream and getting more distressed in real life, after what seemed like a few minutes I managed to wake, but was very shaken by that point.

After taking some time to get myself together I managed to get started on the day. Dogs fed, it was my turn, but no milk, so dry Frosties for me. Then I have got on with a little sort out, some washing up, and sorted a couple of bills.

And that's it.... Now the day has stalled somewhat, and I am left with nothing much I want to do. There are some bits of rearranging to do, some bits to clear out, and some other jobs I can't be bothered with right now.

If I do go away I might offer the house to my sister and kids, give them a bit of space to relax a bit, and have some personal space.

Right I better get one... I have loads to do........NOT!

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