Over the past few days I have found myself feeling quite low, more physically than mentally, but I think that has had a knock on effect. The difference my activity levels can make to my mental state is incredible. Every time I have a pause in my regular physical activity, I notice this, and have probably mentioned it before. In fact I know I have. 

So this time around my activities have led to my inactivity. After my last tour I had a nice long bike ride, my longest for quite some time, possibly for over a year I think. The result of this was to have a tight neck and shoulder the following day, and it has stayed with me for the past few days. Not wanting to irritate it, I have tried to rest the best I can, so haven’t really done much.

The knock on effect of this is that I kind of lost my motivation. Maybe not actually my motivation, but more my direction and routine. Getting up in the morning I usually have a schedule, nothing solid but things to do throughout the day. If I am off work or on a late I will go for a walk, run or ride. Without one of those activities I am at a loss, and struggle to fill my time productively. Not being productive makes me feel like I am in a slump. I guess it is the memories of feeling hopeless and just sitting around doing nothing.

Some like to use the term PTSD, referring to the lasting impact of events from the past. I am happy just to call it “bad memories”. I doubt it is going to change, and this is a cycle I will continue to go through for the rest of my life, or as long as I can recall my last episode of depression or anxiety at least. So I write these entries to remind myself that these little lows are not the beginning of what I think, but perfectly normal and a passing moment. Again, I am sure I have said this a number of times before.

As I write this, my neck is feeling better, I have a rest period coming up, and the weather forecast is looking good, so it is time to get going again and do something active. Release some endorphins and get some Vit D from the glowing orb in the sky. Bring on the summer, and having some adventures once again. Winter seems to have lasted forever this year, but that is probably because I did so little in the latter part of last year, and totally quit riding as soon as it got cold. Mainly because of training for my new job to be fair. 

This year I am hoping to stay active throughout the winter, and who knows, maybe even starting to commute by bike on some days. I was so sure I was going to commute to the new job by bike, I bought a new one just for commuting, and have never once ridden to work FOR work. I have however ridden to work a few times just to try out routes and get and idea of the timings and effort. Just to see what sort of state I get there in. Maybe as summer approaches I will… I hope so at least, as it ticks off the commute and morning activity in one. 

In the meantime I am managing to keep active enough to the weight down, which is definitely keeping my head in the right place. Running is feeling easier, or should I say I feel lighter and running is more enjoyable, so I am able to do regular’ish runs, generally using the morning of the first day of a tour to get a run in, but I would like to be doing more. Cycling however is always my go-to, as I travel further, relax more and see more, even though I know runs are probably better for me.

At the end of the day, I am a lot more active than I was years ago, healthier than I have been in years, but am aware that I am slowly aging. Not a bad thing, it is natural of course, and I am mindful not to push myself too hard just to appease the ego and maintain my PBs on things. I can still run at a pace I am happy with, my legs can still throw out a 1000w+ sprint, and my resting HR is still around 42-43bpm, so I am happy where I am. And so long as those activities continue to compliment my mental health, and keep me on the right track, all is well. So a little low for a few days while I recover is fine with me.