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Damned if you do……

....damned if you don't. That's the saying right?
Well it applies to me very well right now, as I sit here in the middle of one of the biggest dilemma's of my life.

A short version of a long story for you.
There were once 3 sisters, Joan, Mary and Ann (mum to me). All born in Wales, Ann moved to London when she was young and settled down. Mary and Joan stayed in Wales. Joan married, Mary settled down with a friend, and Ann married and had kids (that's me +1)
Ann and the kids would visit her sisters twice a year, and spend time with both families. One year and argument broke out between Mary and Joan and they stopped talking. Some 8-10 years later, still having not spoken (on Mary's wishes) Mary's life long friend passed away from cancer. Peggy (my assumed aunt) was all Mary had, so Joan reached out to her and they connected again.

A few years later Mary married finally, but soon became ill. As her and Joan lived close, Mary told Joan she was ill, but asked her not to tell Ann as she was far away, had kids, and would worry etc. Mary soon passed away too, from cancer. Ann found out that Joan had held out on her, and until this day, although they still speak, it is a form of silent resentment from Ann towards Joan.

Now the big twist. Ann (my mum) is now terminally ill with cancer, and still over 200 miles away from her now aging sister. She was diagnosed 2 years ago, but has still not told Joan that she is ill. She says she does not want to worry Joan with it, as she is old and it would put pressure on her. But when you nag about her seeing Joan she admits that she does not see why she should tell Joan, as Joan never told her about Mary. The problem with that is, its a vicious circle.. Mary swore Joan to secrecy about her illness, Ann resents Joan for keeping this secret. Now Ann (mum) wants me to keep the secret, which leaves only me (and my sister) to take the full brunt of the resentment, and upset from Joan for not being told her sister was dying.

Told you it was complex!

So, if I tell Joan, I have "betrayed" my mothers confidence, and if I don't, I will have held out on Joan's only hope to see her dying sister, for the first time in about 10 years I might add!

Personally I am swaying towards telling Joan. Its always seemed the morally right thing to do, I think my mum really needs to talk about this with someone else, and the truth of the matter is that Joan is quite possibly too old and frail to make the trip to London to see mum now anyway. Although I would dearly love it if she could.

Mum of course will worry about the state of the house, how Joan might "judge" her etc before finally realising its her frickin sister, and she needs to do this.

The next awkward decision is how to do this! In person is the only way really. And I would have to be prepared in case Joan wanted to travel down, so would have to take a spacious car with me for her comfort. Dear oh dear, nothing is simple eh.

Anyway, that's my dilemma for the day. Makes the rest of the day quite pale and boring in comparison.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day, sorry for the depressing tones.

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