How many times have you ended a sentence with that line. Be it a rant, an explanation, or just a simple on line statement. It comes out so easy, looking for confirmation that we are in some way right, or at least being clear about what we are trying to convey.
But the truth is, a lot of the time we have just wasted our breath, or at the very least were not understood at all. "You know what I mean" has become the new "How are you?". An open and usually empty comment made during human contact. No harm done there eh?
Well, that depends really, on what we hoped to achieve from the exchange. If its a simple moan, who cares, you will have forgotten about it in no time at all. You probably owe the poor soul who listened to you a hug or something for enduring you.
On the other hand, from time to time we all actually reach out, in hope of being understood, word for word, thought for thought. Sometimes its important to us that someone really does know what we mean. For sanity sake, our subconsciousness hunts for those physical and verbal cues which give confirmation we have made contact.
Whether you know it or not, we all seek some kind of connection. Not the general friendships and relationships that we thrive, but the deeper kind of connection. Not all sloppy and messy, but the sort that keeps us sane. It can be with anyone, a complete stranger, or someone you have known for years, and trust implicitly. Either way, whoever the person is, you need to be able to just unload on them. Let it all out, take a deep breath and say everything. Not be interrupted in your flow. And at the end of it, KNOW that if you were to say "you know what I mean", their response will be unfaltering when they say,"yes, I really do".
The problem with this of course is self esteem and pride. Because to be able to just let loose with emotions and thoughts, first you have to drop your guard and let that person close enough to hear as your mind whispers is deepest thoughts to you. In today's society we are all suckers for reputation, and think that its what people think about us that counts. Well, that's kinda true, but at the end of the day, anyone close enough to truly matter can see right through it all. What really matters is who we actually are. How we interact with others, and how true to our inner feelings our outer persona really is.
Year on year, famous, rich, happy people shock us. Dying from a cry for help suicide, coming out with shocking revelations about their private lives or childhoods. People who for the cameras look fine and dandy, but when it comes to it are miserable as sin. Fame and fortune, global stardom does not equate to a happy life. Quite the opposite in fact in some cases. Happiness is found within a circle of trust. Not quite like a Meet the Parents kinda way, but being able to allow a friend to comb through the memories in the back of our mind. To make sense of the things that bother us after many years, and most of all, not judge us.
Do you have a muse? A confidant? We all need one at some point in our lives. For me I would say I have had a few over the years. I guess in a way I'm blessed to communicate in such a way, that people understand what I am trying to get at. Also being able to speak with the confidence that whatever I am saying, I am not ashamed or embarrassed by it, and certainly don't regret it. For others, I know this is not so easy. Having been that person for many over the years, I never grow tired of spending time with someone until the doors are wide open and words are flowing freely.
Whatever our personality, however we cope with emotions and feelings, from time to time we all spill over and need to make sure that the sensitive overspill (not sure that's a very nice mental picture) ends up somewhere safe.
I know I do, and I look forwards to my next session, whenever that is, of speaking freely, and having a good old clean out.
Thanks for reading.