Ok so I admit it has been a very long time since I last blogged, but to be honest I have been on a long super low. Illness, drama with mum, personal failures, and all sorts of other things have tainted my appetite to do anything, let alone blog!
Sorry to those who have messaged me with concerns, I'm ok, honest, just not been on the right level to do this for a while.
I will start with mum, she has been down and up, down more than up to be honest. Speaking of downs, here we are in the hospice garden yet again. Mum has been in for a week now, and for the first time has made almost no improvement whatsoever. Other than her stress and anger, she is in the same condition she came in in. Deterioration in body weight, muscle tissue, strength, energy, mental capacity and breathing. Now having pain killers for stomach pain, which she puts down to constipation, but she has never asked for painkillers before, let alone admitted pain. She is happy enough though. Its a lovely warm sunny day, and she is sitting in the shade having a fag. Oh how the other half live lol.
It has been difficult to get here over this past week, with a viral infection keeping me planted in the bathroom for most of it, and an eternal bout of Gout keeping me off my feet. Between the meds for the foot and the stomach bug keeping me in bed, I have slept the best part of the past week.
In the meantime I am being ripped apart by financial issues. Very little income now, so that's stretching the last of the resources very thinly. So thin in fact that I resorted to Wonga.com !
Work, well that's a serious bone of contention. My intention was to go back some 2 weeks ago, but then all this started to unfold with mum, and I have continuously let them down. I have a meeting with them on Wed morning, and to be honest I will be shocked if I walk away still with a job.
Now that mum is back at St Christophers I am kinda hoping we can put the care home stepping stone in place now, and get mums eyes opened a little wider. Its clear now that she can't cope at home, never lasting more than a week before declining again. And to be honest, if she goes into a home I can get back to work and stop worrying about money. That would be a relief. Cruel as it sounds, I really think its for the best now.
Hopefully with less stress my health will improve too, and I can start looking after myself again.
Right I could go on for a long time, but for now that's it.
Thanks for caring, and thanks for reading.