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Its been an eternity.

Or at least it seems like it has been, since I last wrote anything here. In reality, I missed one day lol. How you begin to depend on routine for stability in your daily life eh. Shocking.

Anyway, a quick catch up on everything. Im not sure where to start. Oh I know, mum.
Yesterday, being Monday, the doctors started doing their rounds again, and started looking at what else could be causing mums problems. There is still an internal bleed, and she up until Sunday evening was still having tranfusions. Which I am assuming as they have not found the "leak" yet, must continue until thats resolved.
So you can imagine my suprise when she text to say they were letting her go. A trip to the hospital and a chat with the nurses last night confirmed this, and she was discharged, pending further appointments for investigation. Now call me daft or stupid, but if she is still losing blood, and has been getting topped up every day or 2, then what happens now she is at home, and how long til she needs to go back in for a top up?

The next stage of the investigation is a colonoscopy, but she has to wait to be sent an appointment for that, so I have no idea when that is at all. She does however have an Oncology appointment at Guys tomorrow. Although it remains to be seen if she actually goes or not.

Me on the other hand. Im on a bit of a slippery slope at the moment if the truth be told. Been here before, and am clinging on for dear life right now.
Depression or becoming very introvert is a regular side effect for me when going through something like this, and its that I am fighting right now. Taking a look from the outside I am noticing myself wanting to do less and less, and just looking for the easy ways out.
Yesterday evening was spent listening out for mum, making sure there were no loud thumps, making sure I could hear her cough from time to time, and that she was not calling out for me. Today will be spent torturing myself, wondering if she is ok while I am at work. And so the routine will continue.

I am desperate to get some of my own routine back now, like gym for one. I have a plan to get in better shape and intend on sticking to it, or at least getting back on track with it. Although at the moment I am desperatly lacking the enthusiasm to even pack a bag for the gym, let alone go there. So this week I am trying to establish an early rise routine, walking the dogs early, leaving me time for the gym with no excuses. If I stick to it til Mon, then I can start back at the gym on Mon too. Fingers crossed for me.

Right, time for a breather, might be back later with more steam to blow off.

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