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Morning reflection.

Good morning all. First I would like to say thank you. Thank you for reading the last entry, and thank you to all those who reached out with offers, advice or just meaningful words. It all counts. 

As most know, my intentions on writing these posts are multi pronged. Vent, think out loud, sharing my feelings with all, to allow others fighting similar to see its OK, and of course I would be lying if I didn't say, to engage with others. But only those who have the time and inclination to do so. I don't expect everyone to have something to say, nor know what to do. So I always appreciate when people reach out. 

The venting part is the key for me, and no matter how many times I go through this cycle, I falter every single time. Forgetting lessons I have learnt, ignoring the early signs, and letting myself down by not keeping up the routine of self help I have spent so long figuring out. So to return to it, and get a load off my chest is both refreshing, and a stark reminder of how I could have avoided being back here again. But hey ho, we're here now, let's deal with it. 

Having had a rant last night, I went to bed re-reading it all to myself in my head, wondering if I could have expressed something clearer. Do people think this is attention seeking, trying to figure out how it would be received, and listening for notifications on my phone. Yes, I know, phones are the work of the devil and should he turned off or to silence at night. I usually do! 

The hardest part at times like this is silencing my mind. Going to bed and having someone in your head who won't just shut up is a real battle. Having learned many ways of dealing with them, from putting relaxing music on, to mind clearing routines. Visualisation works well for me, and seems I drop off quite quickly once I get a fix. Last night was no exception. Once I found peace from my mind, I was off. 

Waking this morning feeling much fresher than usual, so off to a positive start. Added to that, seeing messages from a number of people reaching out, was very humbling and at the same time empowering too. Its not about the "are you OK" from as many people as possible, it's more about the communication with people who get it, and have something constructive to say or suggest. The "chin up" messages are well intended, but fall a little short of what is needed. Appreciated all the same, but just lack inspiration to engage. 

As always I am humbled by realising people do care, and that in itself is a boost. But I know that the key to this is me, as always. And while I have grand plans, I have to be realistic and see that these things don't happen over night, and getting the time right is the key to succeeding in my endeavours. 

The action plan really is stop eating quite so much crap, find a routine to work to, and all steps to be moderate and sensible. Sure I can commit to a ball busting grueling program, but as I have come to realise, I am quite fragile in some ways, and aggravating an old injury just sets me back months. So I need to build up gently. 

Start small. A simple routine, and slowly add to it each time I am sure I am not breaking myself physically. Dig shallower is my motto right now. Dig too deep and you end in a hole. Or is that a whole.....heap of pain? So that is where I am gonna start. Not putting a date on it, but starting with a morning routine, get back out with the dogs maybe. Start walking, build back up to running. A faux commute to work is much needed too, I can easily do my faux return commute in the evening on the trainer. 

So, I have ideas, I have a plan, I have support from those around me. What else do I need? Oh yeah, to get my head in the game. That's the bit I can't rush. Can't buy motivation, and can't force your head in the game. 

Speaking of work, and the whole Work From Home thing, this has probably been my only negative on the whole matter. Loss of routine. But I know that is something many of you are also suffering with in one way or another. We hate routine til we lose it, then and only then do we realise the importance of a routine. The dream of having all the money in the world seems quite dire once you realise you would still need a routine, a schedule, some structure in your life. Life without structure is like a body with no bones. No matter how big the muscles, they are useless without structure. Gross I know! 

Anyway, back to the thank yous. Its been inspiring to say the least, and my very first step, the most important thing I am going to do.... Is write more. Sorry and all that, I won't force you to read it, but will be sharing more and more on social media. 

So, on with the day for now, and try and keep my chins up.

 

Thanks for reading as ever. 

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