I guess it’s that time of year again, plus a little exhausted from the past few months of brain abuse better known as training. I am sure things get easier with time, and as I settle into my comfort zone I feel little things are calming down a bit.

But the bit I can’t get past at the moment is the tiredness. When I wake up in the morning, even after a good sleep, I still have an overwhelming desire to stay right where I am. Now the old me would immediately think OMG I am starting to slip and I’m gonna start to spiral.

However this is new me, positive me, the real me. And that me knows that I am in fact mentally fine right now. It’s just the other parts that are letting me down a bit. Physically I am a bit of a mess at the moment, gained weight, lost fitness and am really missing out on the activities that usually keep me firing on all cylinders.

I guess there is an aspect of mental wellbeing in there, having not had a number of bike rides out in the wild each week like I usually would. That will have taken a toll, I am not going to shy away from that fact. But I don’t think it’s the main issue.

Instead I think it is lack of routine (that is coming, but taking time), lack of physical fitness, the long dark days are drawing in, and I can feel how that makes me tired just based on the drive to work just now. Headlights on at 1pm on a gloomy afternoon is depressing (in the normal sense not the clinical sense).

Over all though, I think I just need a little break. I have been on the go since Aug (I know I know poor me).. But to make the point it has been very mentally demanding, and my brain just needs some down time to process and file it all away.

I have lots of leave to take before April, but I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea right now. Now to be clear, this is not work impressing this on me, this is my choosing. But right now I want to get two or three tours going solo under my belt before I take any time off. At the moment that feels doable, but hopefully it won’t take much longer to go solo, so I can get started on those tours.

Obviously if my brain starts to melt before that time I might have to take another look at that plan. But let’s see, I’m not calling it yet. If all goes well, three solo tours would take me to Xmas week, so maybe some time off in the new year.

In the meantime, fresh air, coffee, and regular walks will keep me going. I just need to make sure that the rest I get is good rest, and that I don’t try to over do it trying to get fitter again.

Fitness of course is a whole different story, and something for another entry I think. Til then, I will finish this coffee, get some air and get my head I the game for my late short shift.

Thanks as ever for reading.