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Struggling a bit.

It is fair to say that the past week or so has been a little bit of a kick in the balls. A lot going on in my life and my head right now, and regardless of how well I thought I was coping, it is becoming apparent (with self scrutiny) that things are not as good as I thought they were. 

Between health, and work, there is a lot happening. We are expecting step 4 of the return to "normal" roadmap to happen very soon now, which could have huge implications on my current working environment. To say I don't want to go back to an office now, is a massive understatement. So the uncertainty is eating away at me. Work have a self imposed "no return to the office" in place until Sept now, so I have no idea when we will actually know what to expect as a plan moving forward.

I would love to make a few more changes on my WFH set up, to make it a permanent fixture now, but I have already spent quite a bit, and don't want to invest any more until I know something concrete. That is of course ignoring the massive elephant in the room, simply not wanting to work in a shared office. It's never been my favourite thing, and after 16 months of freedom, I want it to stay that way. 

Then just for fun, my body has decided to play a prank on me and throw something else into the mix, which at this point is "awaiting further investigation". Some of course know about this, and I thank them for their patience and time in discussing it. Waiting for the up and coming appointment is really starting to take it out of me now. While I am not over-thinking things about it (which is strange), as the days go by without even having a date yet, I am finding myself being more and more twitchy and withdrawn. Spent a few days eating the wrong foods, but have managed to stay active, which helps with the brain. 

That said, this mornings run, while good for getting fresh air, and clearing the head, just compounded things by making me feel quite uncomfortable, and more aware of what's going on inside. Meh!

Fingers crossed, by the end of the week I will at least have an appointment date, and can at least stop stressing about worrying if I have been missed or forgotten. And instead look forward to getting the appointment over with, and getting the answers. Whatever lays ahead, it is all good, my head is generally in a good place. Just hate waiting, for anything, let alone answers!

As a whole I would describe my mood as irritable and impatient, as opposed to anxious. Let's just say "generally stressed", like normal people do 🙂 

Edit... As of 2.45 today, I now have an appointment date to work towards, which is this week, so already feel a lot better for knowing that. 

 

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