So after my earlier outburst of emotion, like a man full of hormones lol, I took my meds and went to bed for an hour or so, just what the doctor ordered.
I would like to say I woke perfectly fine, but that's not quite the case. However I did feel much calmer and numb to my earlier thoughts. Even to the point of realising that I might have been a little OTT earlier. Regrets I do not have, but a different perspective I do. Thank goodness for drugs eh!
On returning to the hospice with a revived brain, I was able to engage more in conversation and thoughts. Sadly all this has brought is more concern about mums state. Talking to me of earlier conversations with me, however remembering them as conversations with Paula. And then changing the stories of how things had actually happened too.
Yesterday she told a woman how it was a shame they could not water the plants at the hospice, but was not sure why she had said it, nor on what grounds. Today she is doing the same again, starting to make a comment on something, but not actually having anything to say. Or making a completely unfounded statement. Tonight she was hell bent on talking about the mattress situation, but actually has no understanding of it. She just wants an opinion on it, and for that to be heard. So I play along with it.
She also mentioned the physio again, and saying she had been told to both exercise and not exercise by different people. However we still managed a very good paced walk up the hall to collect a wheelchair before going out this evening. Adjusting her walker along the way to better suit her height and walking stance.
The big one however is the TV. Mentioning in the garden that she still hadn't tried watching it, but really should, I popped it on when we got back to the room. Slightly panicked she aired her concerns, but I said I would be there anyway until I had to leave. So I have left her with the nurse, and hopefully I won't get any stories of how badly she slept etc.
Anna, one of the staff on the ward has been brilliant with mum too, always popping in for a chat throughout the day 🙂
Right I'm off for dinner and more sleep. G'night.
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