But the question is, is it my brain or my emotions?
Tough topic in training this morning, but par for the course. Talking about it to a friend after, I recalled how I felt hearing it all, and how a certain moment made me feel choked up.
Being out of the moment but reliving it was an interesting opportunity for me to gauge my responses, and see how I felt about it. I was reminded of my knee jerk reaction to such feelings, and the reflex to just clench my jaw and swallow hard, to almost swallow my emotions.
Where they go after that is a whole other matter, and one I feel inclined to investigate when the time is right and with the right person. The emotional reaction is there, I just seem unwilling or incapable of letting it take its natural course.
It is something I have done for many years now, and has never been about being a man about it, or trying to hide my feelings, but more a natural reaction, but one that swallows them so deep I never hear from them again.
Maybe if I was able to regurgitate and process them, I might be able to deal with things better and be more in touch with my emotions. Not a bad thing at all.
Food for thought and something to visit another day.