Author: Michael Snasdell

Well todays marks one whole year since mum passed away, and today was all about reflection and moving on.

For me I have had today planned out for a long time. Not a day of sorrow or sadness, but a day of peace. Not in the traditional sense, but my mind has been at rest. A year on and no longer fretting and worrying. This year I am relaxed, can look back at all the good times, and remember the final journey I took with Ann Snasdell, my mother.

The biggest part of today was the starting of a tattoo. Between 12 and 3pm, the final hours of mums life. Marking them with a tribute to her that will last with me forever. Seems a bit strange I know, but a tattoo is what I know best, and was what she knew I did in honour of loved ones passed.

I have attached a picture of the work so far. It has a long way to go, but getting it started at the right time was key here.

For the rest of the day I have made sure I have kept good company, and had fun conversation. With Michelle and Steve at Innocent Needle Tattoo in Croydon, then Dean and Ian at Storm Bromley, its been a good day.

Deep within there has been constant thought of mum, and visiting St Christophers yesterday seemed very fitting for me too.

I won't drag this on, I am sure those that know me know what I am thinking and feeling right now. A year on, and time to move on. Never forgotten, but no longer an active part of my life.

Thank you again mum for all you did to raise me, and make me the man I am today. I hope when you left us, you left with a sense of pride that you were an amazing mum. Love you forever x

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Yet sometimes you can't help yourself. Especially when you have 95% of the facts. Knowing someone for a long time, from childhood, and seeing the way they turned out is sometimes a painful thing. I mean that in a nice way.

We all know someone who has done NOTHING with their life, through their own choices, they just fail to function, and are motivated to do absolutely nothing with their lives. No relationship, no career (or job for that matter), no direction. Just benefits beer and bed. How sad!

I am certainly not one to preach about a full and fun life, but I have had experiences, things to learn from, pass on and make me a 'better' person. Its not about wealth, its about fulfilling your goals and ambitions, making the most of each day, and being able to exchange stories with like minded people, and have different experiences to them.

When I was growing up, we had little money, few toys, and quite honestly nothing much to celebrate. But all that aside I had a great childhood really, some great friends who shared their toys and games, a loving mother who tried to give, and encouraged me to try and succeed, and a whole lot of energy. Compared to some in a similar situation I turned out alright really. Strong minded, determined and an individual.

Recently, as I walk around my local area, the area I grew up in, I see some of the people from my childhood and wonder what went wrong. Now I know my ideals are not theirs, but seriously, what sort of existence is it to spend half your life in the pub, to avoid work for 20+ years, and to really have nothing to show for the past two decades?

I am sure plenty of people look at me in the same light, and if that's the case, fair enough. I guess we can all only see down from our pedestals, so that makes it easier to 'judge'.

I don't know what else to say really, dunno where this is going. Other than to say its really sad to see these people, people that had all the same things as me, and decided to do nothing with it. I can't imagine having hardly ever worked in my life. To never have had a holiday, to not drive, no relationships etc, all because I just didn't have the interest to have a life.

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....and I'm not afraid to admit it.

First few sessions since re-starting are really taking their toll on me. However armed with previous knowledge I know not to push too hard. Pacing myself and making sure the impact levels are right, and splitting workouts where needed is the way to go.

This morning after the dog walks my legs were fatigued. So when I started yoga it was always going to be a bit of a battle. Instead of pretending to do the moves, and only giving 50%, I worked to the point where form was suffering, and stopped there. Once my legs have rested I will finish the routine this evening..... Before walking the dogs this time.

I know I push people hard, and to anyone in TeamSnaz who thinks I'm going soft, think again! But there is a point for anyone where training is pointless, and that is when form suffers. There is NO point in going through the motions if you cannot commit to it and dig deep to make those moves beautiful.

Missing a workout is not an option, but training wisely is, and that's what I am doing today. To anyone else training, who is struggling with the heat etc, drop the intensity if needed, stay hydrated and listen to your body NOT your mind. Your mind will want to quit a lot sooner than your body, trust me.

So today is a flaky day, but will end with perfect form, and beautiful yoga.

Dig in people, I know its hard, I know it hurts, and I know all too well that you will sweat like mad..... But its SO worth it. Trust me, I'm a doctor!

Happy workouts people.

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Well another nosey insight into what's going on at 6 Church Rise today. The hole gets deeper, the trucks keep coming, but there is still no sign of gold or Australia.

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Its amazing how one simple thing can push you over the edge isn't it. There you are plodding along, 'coping' then suddenly WHAM you are on your arse!
Coming back from holiday is never easy, especially when its been an epic trip. Getting back into the grind of things, and taking the reins once again can really suck at times, but this isn't about post holiday blues. Well not entirely anyway.
Getting away for a couple of weeks is the best thing that could have happened for me right now, and I have returned with a new sense of being for sure. Obviously however this trip doesn't make everything simply go away. So needless to say there are still some sharp edges to my life. If did however allow me to return fresh, and start over with regards to certain aspects of my life.

The past few days, if I'm honest, I have struggled a bit. A little down, a bit jet-lagged and motivation to exist  a little shaky to say the least. I have taken a week off from P90X to allow my sore shoulders to recover a bit, so that inactivity is not helping either. I am sure I will bounce back from that.

However in a few weeks time its the first anniversary of mums passing, and one I will be marking in a rather strange manner.... Starting a tattoo. This tied in perfectly with me catching up with an episode of 24HRS in A&E last night, in which a lady suffering from cancer was admitted to Kings with very similar symptoms to those mum had a few times. This really hit home, and allowed me to see the whole situation from the outside for the first time. many thoughts came to mind throughout. Very touching indeed.

So really, this is just a cry for attention and sympathy right now I guess, and a kick in the pants. Having been put in my place regarding another matter recently, suddenly I feel a little down about myself, and like I am getting things wrong all over again. I hope that's not the case, as its never my intention to cause offence to anyone. Well that's not true, but if I intend do, I always succeed!

Thanks for reading, I shall now remove myself from the floor, and stop whining.

Apparently I have lied about people, misrepresented them and cast dispersions upon their reputation.
Well if writing things you remember as fact is a lie, then I am one big fat liar!
If remembering things in a different way to others is a sin, then I am a sinner.


To be honest im pretty fucked off right now, but I think im hiding it quite well.


Other than that, I have nothing of interest to say.  

With the anniversary of mum's passing fast approaching, and having some time away from everything and everyone to reflect, my mind is free to flow.

Just laying by the pool listening to some choice music tracks, and my mind wanders off for a while. Allowing me to take in the true depth of what's going on, and how different I feel right now.

I can honestly say this is the most relaxed I have felt for so very long now. 3 years of trips away from home, constantly worrying that the call might come. Many years of going away, but still feeling the need to stay in touch with base camp to make sure all was ok.

This year is different, I am in my home from home with my family from family, and feeling so relaxed its unreal. Looking at house prices I can see myself getting my finger out soon in the drive to move away once and for all. Anything left going on at home this year is under control, and the stress levels are non existent.

Laying in the sun, soaking up everything going on around me, then comparing it to previous years, its really crazy. On the flight out here I commented that it was strange not giving mum a kiss on the forehead and telling her I will see her soon. Knowing that when I take pics and videos, I won't be showing them to mum and getting her reactions to them. No calls home, telling the temperature and getting the response 'oh that's just too hot' lol etc. It all amounts to on thing.

A momentary realisation that mum is actually gone.

It takes lots of different but normal things to happen to make it all seem real. And I think this was the final page on 'real things' that needed turning. Don't get me wrong, there is no upset etc, a little sadness (especially with the music playing) but nothing bad. Its a celebration for me. I know mum wanted us to feel free of any guilt, burden and responsibility, and now I feel I am doing as she wanted.

So that's my deep thoughts of the moment. I can go back to laying here, smiling and enjoying myself, and planning how the hell I make this place my home!

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I just wanted to get something off my chest.

When you make decisions in life, you are left to live with them. Whatever the outcome, good or bad, you made the choice, so it is for you to make it right.

However, along the way, in making the matter right we may lose out. Financially, socially or many other ways.

What is important is that we correct our mistake at our own cost, and not at the expense of the happiness and welfare of others.

Some people however are too fuckin selfish to realise that, and put a price on EVERYTHING, even happiness!

To you people..... You are arseholes!

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No idea why, but for some reason recently I have been waking up at about 5am daily, regardless of the time I go to bed, or how tired I have been. Usually I would lay there and just keep trying to sleep, but from years of experience I know this only results in waking up feeling like crap.

When you are awake, you are awake, can't fight it. Usually there would be a reason to wake up early, noise, stress, excitement, plans... But no, nothing at all recently. OK I like to be up early to train, that's certainly become a routine for me, and waking up at around 7am for that is just fine. So why my body has decided 5am is better I do not know.

Instantly the first concern for me is a weird one. What's going to happen when I fly to Florida? Is my body clock going to go completely bonkers? Worrying times, is jetlag going to have me all over the place when I return?

Maybe its all down to a healthier body and mind, and that I really don't need as much sleep as I have got used to over recent years. Don't get me wrong, if my body decides it wants me up at 5am daily, I can adapt to that no problem. Its just a bit sudden and unexpected. I wonder if my body has decided 'get up a couple of hours earlier, and you can do tai chi too' lol, now that would be good eh.

Either way I guess I am going to have to follow my bodys orders and do as I'm told, so I'm up, awake and ready for the day now. Guess I should do something like X-Stretch to get the day started huh.

Have a good day people.

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The clock is ticking down now to our departure for Florida 2012, cars booked, kennels sorted and loads more prep done. Just the smaller details to sort out now.

Meanwhile my clothing size continues to drop, so I will hold out buying my holiday clothes until the last minute. Training is going well, and I'm really looking forwards to spending some vanity time in the sun and the pool. I'm no adonis, but I feel great.

Meanwhile work is reaching the point of being a chore again, so much politics going on, and shit organisation its unreal. Along with people being work shy, and always blaming the next person. I'm no highly motivated worker, but I like to think I'm a team player. Shame there is no team to work with.

So what else is going on. Not much really, getting into summer mode now, adapting to my new lifestyle of getting up at 7am and getting stuck into training daily. Strained my back the other day, 2 days of no training was devastating for me. SO bored.

Other than that, life is pretty normal.

Oh how's this for restraint. I am due an upgrade on my phone but am NOT taking it. I knoooow! Crazy huh.

Right that's me for now, hope all are well.

If you use Twitter check out #TeamSnaz for my latest adventures.

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