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Formality and a eulogy
I have returned to Wales after the passing of my Aunt Joan,to pay my respects, offer my thanks, and to deal with some of the formalities of the matter. As previously agreed between myself, Chris the carer and her husband Dyfrig who is both an undertaker and an executor of the will.
So first things first, its Monday morning, first working day since Joan left us on Sat 23rd. Todays agenda is as follows. Get the medical certificate from the home and make arrangements with the Registry office in Llandudno to officially register the death, and get the numerous copies of the certificate that everyone seems to want a GENUINE copy of. I know the appointment in London took a few days to arrange for mum, so not sure what the availability will be here.
Shortly after typing this I made the call, and made an appointment, 1.30 this afternoon it will be 'official'.
After that is arranged, next up is to contact the solicitor for any legalities to be undertaken, such as the estate etc. Im not sure yet if this will be a simple phonecall or will require a meeting of sorts. I have the correct attire in case this is the case.
Once the legal stuff is out of the way, the task of getting the finishing touches to the arrangements for Joan beings, and first up is the date to be set for the funeral. Thankfully Dyfrig having insider info helps, so we can work together there to get a suitable time and date for everyone to manage. With people travelling from afar time needs to be allowed for their arrangements too. At the moment we are looking early next week for the funeral.
When the date is set, then its onto the arrangements for the day, the order of service document, getting that typeset and into print, and then the bit I am dreading the most, the eulogy.
Not sure if I am the best person to write and read such a passage as my timeline with Joan is peppered with holes and gaps. But I will sure give it a good go, and will start to write something this afternoon, once I have got a rough idea of what goes. I always imagine them to be almost like a best man speech, not that I have done one of those either but you know what I mean. I have plenty of stories to tell and memories to share, some going back to single digit ages for me. I am sure I will find the right words and format when the mood takes. Then there is delivering it.... eeek!
I know a lot of the plan is all in place, everything is paid for, the arrangements for coffin, flowers etc are all as Joan wished, and were organised by her over 2 years ago when she first knew she had terminal cancer. So in a funny way, thank you Joan for being so organised, and saving everyone the stress of getting things right or wrong. We shall not worry as we know your choices are as you wished.
Again, in between typing, we have got a date set for the funeral now, which is Tues 12th March. That seems an eternity away to me, but I have to respect the wishes of others involved, and to allow for the movement of people. So thats that for now.
Back later with lots more to say, and maybe even get started on a eulogy.
Have a good day.
Lunt’s Reunited
Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.
That helpless feeling.
So I shall check with the nurses before I leave to see if there is anything I can do before I leave again, then off to see Chris and hand over the baton. She is coming here in a while to help with Joan's tea to see if she will eat a little. I might come back with her and just wait outside this time.
Til next time.....
Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.
Back to reality once again.
Over the past few days I guess its been fair to say that I have been a little distracted, for all the right or wrong reasons, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that now my brain is back on this planet, and its time to get back to my own life and goings on.
Things have been a little up in the air recently, some moments of uncertainty and indecision, all sorted on one single day which offered perfect clarity for almost all matters.
In one 24 hour period everything has settled and once again makes sense, unlike this blog entry so far I hear you say. I shall explain a bit.
Some decisions were being made about the short to mid-term arrangements in my life, with job offers flying around, things could have changed at home in a moments notice. This wasnt to be the case in the end.
At the same time, still talking about home, things reached a head with the L&Q situation, with me finally having enough and contacting them to say I WILL be seeking compensation for the way this whole bathroom issue has been handled, and how long it has dragged on for. Surprisingly I received an email straight back, and a call the following morning to say they were coming to start the rectification works (which so far now look great apart from them chipping the bath, small details)
Then there is the big one, my aunt. Having planned to call her carer yesterday evening, I was beaten to it, and instead received a call from her carer. 'Nothing to worry about Michael' started the conversation, always a worry to hear that ironically.
The next half an hour filled me in on the important issues,which all came together to mean one thing... Aunty Joan has had to go into a care home.
Her recent decline in health and mobility have caused problems for her around her house, and even with her primary carer Chris, and her appointed carer from an agency, they were not able to manage in the way that was needed. No disrespect to them, they have done a fantastic job to date, well Chris has anyway. So thank you Chris for all your hard work up until this point.
I know she feels disappointed and that she has let Joan down, but this isnt the case at all, if anything she has kept Joan going for far longer than anyone expected.
But with a couple of falls, and not being able to support her own weight, the decision was made that it was time for some proper around the clock care for Joan, which is a relief to all.
Sadly with this, Joan's moral has taken a knock. After recent weeks of decline in health, ,she has now reached the stage mum got to, and is now wishing it would all just be over. As I said with mum, I will say again now. There is a fine line between wanting someone to live forever, and respecting that their quality of life drops beyond a point, and you can appreciate the wishes of a dying relative when they feel they have lost control of their once independent lives.
With this in mind I have decided it is time to pay a visit and maybe stay a few days up in Wales,and see what help, comfort and support I can offer to Joan and Chris at this time, and see that all is well with Joan. That she is happy and represented by a family member. Someone she can tell anything to, and if she is unhappy with anything, or wants anything that Chris cannot do (I doubt this is the case, but options are always good), then I will be there.
Of course I am not suggesting this is near the end, nor that I want it to be, but I just want to be close by to do what I can for a period of time at least.
So tomorrow I will probably head up to Wales at some point, and see what I can do, even if its just taking a TV to the nursing home, and setting things up so she can be comfortable in her home away from home. The plan here is respite and assessment, returning home is still an option here, so im open minded to how it will all work out.
Now to drop the bombshell on work, that after a weeks leave, I wont be back when planned. Im sure through the wonders of Facebook and blog stalking, some will already know about this before I make it official. Say what you will, I have my priorities and morals.
Right with all that said, I have to go an meet my niece so I can rebuild the OS on her Blackberry... kids !
Just thinking…
I live between the local ambulance and fire stations, and just off the South Circular road A205, so get the pleasure of being aware when there is something going on around here. Which being South London, let's be honest, is most of the time.
Over time you learn to tell the difference between a police car passing through on blues, and a fire engine or 3 leaving the fire station on a call.
A lot of the time it is quite genuinely just background noise these days, and rarely gets my attention. But on quiet afternoons like today, on the build up to a massive evening in the capital, each siren that approaches and passes through is more noticeable, and stirs more thought and emotion in me.
Its the festive season, a new year is about to dawn. So many people are full of hope and expectation of what a new year will bring, but for a small few, the new year will be unforgettable. A knock on the door, the screech of brakes, the shrill of a smoke alarm waking you at 1am. For all those people, there are a dedicated bunch of emergency responders who will be there, saving them, comforting them, and most of all caring!
As the night draws in, my thoughts switch to those who are standing by for when someone needs their help, when three 9's are dialled. From the operator keeping you calm while directing the whole show, to the responder who will go above and beyond to put an end to the panic of the situation. For those in need of their help also.
So as the clock ticks, and midnight approaches and passes, spare a thought each time you see or hear an emergency vehicle on the move. Someone's NYE will not be as good as yours, and someone will remember it for a whole different reason to you. Families devastated, lives wrecks, memories destroyed.
Happy New Year..... May there be silence tonight.
Regards
Michael
Sent via Blackberry®
On a serious note…..
Regardless of your plans tonight, forget your feelings towards the police, no matter how well you can handle your drink.....
NYE is historically a shocking night for the emergency services, record numbers of calls, huge numbers of alcohol related incidents, be it fights or accidents.
90% of the people who are dealt with by the police, ambulance and fire tonight are people who generally have some self respect, and appreciate the job these services do for us all. But a little too much confidence, getting a little too carried away, and one drink too many can end in disaster, heartbreak, and hours of effort from emergency responders.
So I ask this of you, when you see someone blind drunk staggering down the road, in front of cars, getting in peoples faces, vomiting, crying or screaming with emotions they cannot control, do you really see someone who is having a great time, and feel jealous, OR does a little part inside you cringe with embarrassment for them, and a tiny bit of pity creep out of you?
Excessive alcohol, its not big, its not clever, and generally its nether fun nor memorable. Give the extra fiver for that last drink to a charity, stay alert enough to remember your NYE, and most of all, get home safely.
Happy New Year all, and here's to a quiet one, and record LOW numbers of calls to the emergency services. And Thank You to all those working through the evening and into the morning to keep all the little morons who DON'T care about others, safe.
Regards
Michael
Sent via Blackberry®
The final day begins!
Of 2012 at least, so let's take a quick look back at 2012, for me and for the world.
2012 will forever be the date that ignites thoughts and memories of the London Olympic games, the greatest of the modern era, the first of the social network age, and the biggest surprise ever to 99% of the UK poplulation, who like me thought it would be a flop. I won't go on about it, but it turned out to be pretty bloody good didn't it!
I turned 39, had a stress free birthday for the first time in 14 years for one reason or another. I also embarked on a mission which I tagged #Fit4Forty . With a year remaining til I turned 40, I decided now was the time to sort myself out, and that I did. Healthier than most years of my life, inspired to live a full life, and amazed at my own stamina, that was P90X for me.
2012 has also been pretty bloody miserable. Wars, disasters, accidents, and horrific news stories of abuse and violence. Its probably no different to the past decade to be fair, but as social media becomes part of our everyday lives, we suddenly become aware. Aware of our surroundings both locally and globally, and to be honest its a bit of an eye opener isn't it!
I think this year more than most has woken me up to a lot of things. Life is finite, at some point it will end, and we don't really get a say on the matter. Ill health, accidents, or incidents can end a life in seconds. Early in the year Darren Green passed away suddenly, that woke a lot of people up, and brought a lot of people closer together, and in some cases pushed some apart. From that point on the year has spiralled into one of some very sad events, especially for people I care about. With close friends and family passing, or suffering set backs.
From all this I take one thing... No matter how glum I get, regardless of how big the bills are coming though my door. If my luck is down, and the weather is crappy.. All I have to remember is to be grateful for everything I have. I live a life that I made for myself, I make my own choices, and this path is mine. You don't always get what you want in life, but getting another day with your loved ones is as precious as it gets.
I have been fortunate enough to see my aunt Joan a few times this year, and spend some great quality time with her, forging a bond and memories I can keep with me forever after her final day comes.
Things are progressing with her these days, but she still manages a laugh and a smile to signal that everything is ok.
So, 2012, certainly not all doom and gloom by far, some great and memorable moments. The next time the clock strikes midnight, 2012 will become LAST year, and we will move on. Things will be no different, new years resolutions will be smashed in days, horror and tragedy will fill our TV screens and stupid vile people drink drive throughout NYE, and 99.9% of people will wake up to their same lives on Tuesday..... But hey, let's be optimistic here.... Here's to a better year, joy, success, happiness and health.
Happy New Year all (for tomorrow)
Regards
Michael
Sent via Blackberry®
Bathroom nightmares!
Almost 2 years ago today my landlord L&Q appointed Apollo to fit a new kitchen and bathroom to the house I live in. A couple of weeks of dust and noise was a small price to pay to have the rooms dragged kicking and screaming from the 70's.
Come January I had a lovely new kitchen, and a beautiful bathroom.
However. By the spring I started to notice the paint on the wall starting to blister a bit, and lift from the new plaster. This was the inside of the external facing wall. As the weeks went on more and more spots started to show through, until it became apparent there was a problem somewhere.
I reported it and requested someone come to take a look at it. Eventually the surveyor came out, took a look and identified a damp problem. After further investigation it appeared that an external soil pipe was leaking on the brickwork and had soaked it through.
By that winter, around December 2011 (1 year later) P&R Plumbers came out to fix the soil pipe. I was told by the surveyor that once this was done he would arrange for the walls to be dried out with machinery, and once that was done the walls could be repainted. Needless to say this didn't happen. So this year, for most of 2012 (I kid you not) I have been on and on at L&Q for them to finally rectify the mouldy, paint blistered walls.
By November I finally got the call to say it had the green light to go ahead and start the work. 3 day job to hack off the old plaster, sort the damp, re-plaster and return to usable form. So November 19th was the day it would all start, so booked annual leave. Sadly on Fri 16th I got a call to say they couldn't start on the Monday, so would have to squeeze it all in Thurs and Fri. A little too short notice for me to book more time off, so I made other arrangements for Chantal to be here.
Friday afternoon comes and the plaster packs up and leaves. Advising that the tiling, skimming and painting is NOT his job. He says he will be back on the Monday to do a couple of little bits. Monday comes, the guy shows up, does a few bits and that his part done. Apparently the contractor Bryhill had NOT agreed with L&Q to restore to full use at all. On leaving he told me he had somehow broken the toilet pan away from the floor, so this would need changing. And off he went.
At this point the state of the bathroom was, as follows, bath reinstalled but not silicone sealing anything like the gaps between the bath and wall, hand basin fully reinstalled, and a now rocking toilet, with floating cistern as it sits away from the wall and was not boxed in. Poor quality finish plastering still requiring skimming before it can be painted, no tiles on the splashbacks. So pretty useless.
The past couple of weeks have involved me calling Bryhill and L&Q and getting told its the other parties problem, and no one has taken responsibility. Eventually I get some joy, a supervisor from Bryhill visited, checked the toilet and said they would replace it. Hurrah I thought. Then out of the blue yesterday, first thing in the morning a plumber shows up, 'come to replace the toilet mate'. Was a surprise but a welcome one all the same. He comes in to see what he is replacing then shoots off to the suppliers for a replacement.
Now I should note at this point that when Apollo replaced the pan, they used a new type which sits about 1ft further forwards than the old flush wall mounted one I had. However this is apparently the new style, so it can't be helped!
45 mins later he is back. I let work know I had workers in so might be a bit late. A toilet is a simple swap out, but half an hour passes and all of a sudden drilling starts, and goes on.....and on.....and on. Half hour later I popped in to see what was up. Apparently the floor is knackered so he can't bolt it down. So he calls for a carpenter. The plan now is to build a box behind the cistern to bolt it to, then screw that to the wall, and silicone the pan to the floor, which is what they ended up doing. I was 3 hours late for work.
He was also kind enough to silicone around the bath so it was now usable.
Not a great fix, but fed up of the whole escapade I accepted it as it seemed workable. Obviously the tiling and painting were still outstanding. So on the way to work I called L&Q again and finally heard what I wanted. A contractor will come out next week to size the job up and do everything outstanding ASAP!
So today, to celebrate almost having a bathroom back I decided on a long hot soak in the bath. So I filled it up, and hopped in.
All of a sudden I can hear rushing water, I check its not overflowing, its not. So I sit up and the noise stops. Hmmm, strange, so I lay back down again, there it is again. Suddenly I am suspicious, each time the water reaches the overflow this noise starts. But its not the usual sound of water exiting the overflow. Eventually I'm too pissed off to stay in the bath so I hop out, get dressed and the fun begins.
After fighting it for a while I manage to remove the bath panel, and am SO angry at what I see.... The overflow has NO waste pipe attached, so the water is pouring onto the floor.
Enough is enough. The bathroom has been screwed since it was first done, and is slowly becoming a patchwork quilt of badly carried out repairs. I am sick to the back teeth of the poor workmanship, poor service from the housing association, and the crap attention to detail from the contractors.
I should also add that a few months after the bathroom was first completed the cold waterpipe behind the bath sprung a leak. Soaking the floor and bath panel. The pipes all had to be replaced, as did the bath panel.
I just want the whole thing re-done now, properly, once and for all. Is that unreasonable?
The floor can't have a toilet bolted to it, the walls need plastering properly, the bath needs plumbing in properly, the toilet needs securing, the tiling needs re-doing, the shrouding around the pipes is knackered. Surely its cheaper just to start over?
I don't know who wants to take responsibility for it, but between the following companies, you have made it a joke.
Bryhill
Apollo
P&R Plumbers
L&Q Group
Regards
Michael
Sent via Blackberry®
SO pissed off right now.
Months and months waiting to get the job started, weeks of a simple job dragging on, and finally we get to the stage where I can take a long soak in the bath again....
Oh hold on, apparently not!
Dear Bryhill, P&R Plumbers and L&Q..... YOU FUCKIN IDIOTS!!! This is NOT how you re-plumb a bath back in. Where is the overflow pipe numbnuts!
Regards
Michael
Sent via Blackberry®